Thailand 22/04/11 to 21/05/11 - Bangkok to Ko Lanta to Ko Phi Phi to Phuket

Micki was literally chomping at the bit in anticipation of the arrival of her bit part familia to Thailand for 3 whole weeks of indulgence, gluttony, and much needed TLC. On visiting duties was yummy mummy Alyson, big bro Richard, future sister-in-law Chanelle and bestest buddy/maid of honour, Bobbi Brown.

Being seasoned Bangkok revellers Micki and I played the role of tour guides for a whirlwind 3 days to show off Bangkok's finest, glitziest and of course sleaziest sights. Day 1 on Micki's finely tuned and strictly adhered to schedule saw us hit the world renowned Chatachuk market, which spans an area the size of 26 football pitches and where literally anything can be bought from pets to pad thai to a variety of ubiquitous asian knock-offs. Alyson managed to hone her bartering skills early on in a haggling contest, which unfortunately, saw only one person claiming the monetary high ground; that being the vendor. Whereas Chanelle bargained hard, baffling the seller in the heat of the exchange with her native N'town dialect which, amazingly, won her a fair discount.

After a hard day of customary haggling we opted to keep the nights entertainment equally reflective of Thailand, by visiting Bangkok's very own Royal Variety Show, to witness some outstandingly gifted ladies performing unorthodox 'pingpong', in the sexpat district of Patpong. Viewing from afar was the optional best in what is a bangkok must-see. Enough said. Quickly needing to raise the class bar several notches we hit ZEN, a Japanese eatery for some much needed sustenance of gastronomic proportions with funnily enough the conversation rarely deviating from the prior seediness.

Stomping in the heat of the day to Siam Square took its toll on the jet lagged weary but the days shopping delights impressed and gave the ladies a chance to do what they do best and boost the local economy. A sleep deprived Bobbi Brown arrived later that night and knowing full well she's the original socialite and IT party girl we denied her the opportunity to catch some zzz's and headed straight for the dizzy heights of the swanky Scirocco sky bar on the 64th floor of the Lebua hotel. At £10 a drink we choked first but then wisely sipped our drinks to eek out just enough time to take in the unforgettable views of the sprawling neon wonderland, that is Bangkok.

After watching Richard devour his sixth green curry in two days, Micki chaperoned our dearest to the Grand Palace for an education in thai culture and a lesson on how not to dress amongst sacred buddhist temples. The roller coaster ride home via a tuk-tuk proved memorable as the crazed driver, who seemed hellbent on bumping us off, tore through the streets so fast and furiously that the rickety three wheeler, almost tipped over. Micki who was now so emphatically irate and swearing enough to make a reverend faint, hit away at him from the rear seat trying to force him to pull over. After eventually arriving back, albeit of a slight nervous disposition, we trundled off later that night on a 12 hour bus journey to the sunny southern islands. Unlike Burma and Cambodia weeks before, cockroaches and filthy seats were replaced with fresh hand towels and icy cold drinks on departure, giving Micki and I an unexpected air of regality.

We had headed south for 3 weeks of beach bumming, lying supine, ultimate frisbee, prolific eating, oodles of wedding chat and island hopping in the Andaman sea. Koh Lanta is a stunning little island and was sleepy to say the least with many hotels battening down for the winter monsoons that whip across the island in June and July. That said, Sayang beach resort and Klong Dao beach was almost ours exclusively with more staff than guests and not a fight for a sun bed in sight.

Our first beach encounter did nothing to dispel our classic typecast of Brits abroad either. Our bronzed seeking kith and kin, in excitement at the sight of blue skies and searing temps, patchily slapped on the low factor within the first hour, with inevitable results; excruciatingly sore, yet comically shaped sporadic sunburn.

Bobbi, bless her, also wholeheartedly lost two duels that week, one with the searing sun after getting severe sunburn/sunstroke and secondly, with the huge waves that not only managed to rob her of her beach dignity, but also her sunglasses and more comically, in a major treat for the reserved buddhist locals, her bikini top.

Hiring mopeds for the day we set off in convoy to explore Ko Lanta's delights in the form of magnificent view points at Ban San Ga U, roadside elephants and serenely secluded beaches. That day maybe remembered more for one of two things however, either my life threatening big toe injury (using it as brake does not work) or namely Richard's kamikaze driving with resulting high pitched shrills of a very nervy passenger.

A week later we were dragging our sun kissed selves onto the infamously idyllic island of Ko Phi Phi. Famed for being a major player in Danny Boyle's, The Beach,

it actually comprises of two islands; Phi Phi Don and Phi Phi Leh. Both beautiful in their own right but the latter is uninhabited and therefore uncommercialised, giving it the fabled Thai serenity that many travel agencies depict. Phi Phi Don, still reeling from the Tsunami tragedy of 2004 is an inspiringly beautiful island with its dreamy landscapes and stunningly picturesque bays of Tonsai and Ao Dalum that, seamlessly back onto one another, giving folk transcendental highs. A worthy fact also when seen from one of three viewpoints set high in the hills. Despite all its natural splendour the main town of Tonsai Village has, on the flip side, become inundated with neon lights and seasoned backpackers and therefore unfortunately at times, portrays a Magaluf or Costa del soul-less feel.

Once, I am certain, being British in Thailand was enough to win hearts and intrigue minds, now however, its fair to say we have become victims from the effects of our own globetrotting escapades. Tourism and its wantoned need for western indulgences such as fast food, high class shopping malls, 7,11's and Starbucks has left globalisation's true mark in every town, heritage site and scenic spot. Sadly, only the smallest pockets of rural Thailand now escape untouched by the destructive wrecking ball of mass tourism. However, be in no doubt this is still a stunning country where superlatives are under used.

Our accommodation at the Viking Nature Resort on Phi Phi more than made up for the loss in complete island tranquility as we really were, as the name suggested, at one with nature. Sleeping in thatched, stilted bungalows, which sat on a forested hill side was a true experience and sharing that with the countless tree frogs, cockroaches and field mice that paid us a timely visit each night put us at one with Mother Earth herself. With its own private beach overlooking the awe-inducing limestone karst peaks and surrounded by calming clear blue waters, everyone agreed it was our little slice of paradise. Perfection.

Other than the usual customary holiday habits of beach bumming and chilling our only major concern on Phi Phi was where our next meal was going to come from. In all, a very tough week. Micki and Bobbi did raise the activity stakes however, by achieving their 3 day Padi Open Water Licence, which almost guilt tripped us all into doing something other than whiling away the days on sun soaked loungers. Almost. After a morning studying with instructors super Rob and Marcus and an afternoon on the shoreline flattering each other on their appearances in wetsuits, tanks and fins, the girls dived the reefs of Koh Bida Noc and Bida Noi for 2 days of fraternising with sting rays, clownfish, black tip reef sharks and giant turtles. A real achievement.

An emotional goodbye to Bobbi followed a week later as the rest of us island hopped north again to Phuket and Kata beach. Phuket is Thailand's biggest island and easily the most developed, a real city island. Kata, a surfers beach was awash with rich Russian's and the local prices really reflected their presence. The Smith's hit the beach for the final few days to wow friends back home with their tan-tastically bronzed complexions. As for me, there would be few fond memories of that place as for the first time on our travels, I ended up in Phuket hospital with a nasty blood infection. Feeling like I'd been hit by a train for 5 days, Micki, thermometer in hand, played the ever so caring matron, eventually nursing me back to feelings of normality after 5 days.

Another emotional farewell ensued and soon enough it was just Micki and I again. Three weeks of luxury travelling, by our standards at least, with amazing family and friends had flown by and our time in Asia was about to come to a very sad end. After 5 months of jaw dropping scenery, sumptuous food, charming people, searing heat and monumental adventures we were gutted but ready to move on to our next continent.

Once back in Bangkok, there was only one thing left for us to do to make our asia trip complete and that was something we do best. Opting for a Japanese to make amends for the food we missed out on there, we more than made up for it with Sushi platters, Miso soup, Sashimi and Mackerel so good that it actually made amends for every bad meal we have ever had.

Next stop, Australia.