Let me start this blog by reiterating how utterly terrible our hangover was on the bus to Orlando. It really was a horrible experience, made all the worse by the fact that the bus ride was for 7 whole hours of actual human time.

We were given a warning of what to expect in Orlando during our two hour Jacksonville hiatus. Our bus stopped there for a 'service delay' - I personally believe that the bus driver knew our condition and just wanted to torment us! While in Jacksonville we scoured the city for healthy food and drink and at the second hand book store/ coffee stop our server warned us (it helps if you imagine his warning delivered in the style of the MacBeth Witches) that all we could expect to find in Orlando was strip malls (dreadful) and theme parks (awesome).

And he wasn't wrong, no sireee (what sort of a ponce says no sireee?). Our secret hotel (saves money online, but you don't know where it is or what it's called until the purchase is completed and a map is emailed to you) was basically 15 yards from the M25. Despite this it was lovely to live in relative luxury for a week, although we were charged extra for absolutely everything: internet, crockery & cutlery, use of any facilities, breathing, sleeping, blinking.... Trudy has named this the 'Pound of Flesh Tax'.

While waiting for our laundry we played giant chess in the sun - somewhere in the world Garry Kasparov is weeping.

In anticipation of our visit to DisneyWorld we purchased ripped off tickets from what, in retrospect, looked like a garden shed (not our garden shed though, our shed is better than our house - thanks Lol) next to our homely motorway. We knew something was wrong as soon as the cashier started instructing us on how to get round the Disney biometric security procedures! We got home and looked in the dictionary and beside the definition of 'dodgy' was the shack where we'd just bought our tickets...

Upon entry to Disney's Hollywood Studios Trudy instantly wept at the beauty of the magic - Walt Disney 1, Tom and Trudy nil.

Hollywood Studios was followed up by The Magic Kingdom on Trudy's birthday, where our entrance was greeted by the sounds of teenaged girls shrieking for Justin Beiber in all his Christmas glory. When the screaming finally died down we were treated to a buffet breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and friends. Thomas informed Winnie the Pooh's pimp (concierge really, but pimp gives a more accurate description) that it was Trudy's birthday, so she was given a birthday badge to wear for the day (Trudy was wished "Happy Birthday" by what felt like every single Disney employee, and there are lots of them!). Trudy was also given a free birthday cake, which Thomas duly ate!

Universal Studios, our last port of call, included the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, where we treated ourselves to our first beer of the week - a Butterbeer. More fruit smoothie than Boddington's though! Universal also holds the Jurassic Park ride which, to put it mildly, made Thomas scream like a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber Christmas concert. In the words of Colonel Kurtz, "The terror....the terror".

Our last ride of the day was The Incredible Hulk, which we experienced from the very front seats (mainly so that we could dry our wet clothes from the soaking we received on the bl00dy Popeye ride). Midway during the twisting and turning, much of which was upside-down, Thomas glanced over at Trudy to check that she was having fun, only to see that she had passed out... Oh dear. Thomas therefore forced Trudy to ride it again to make sure that she hadn't missed anything.

This morning Thomas left Trudy to check out of the hotel while he went to pick up the rental car. Thomas only realised halfway through the 10 mile bus journey to the car rental place that Trudy had his driving license, passport and travel money card. At the very moment that Trudy was sat staring at Thomas's driving license, passport and travel money card, wondering how on earth he was going to be able to convince a stranger to part with a vehicle, he cruised up in a white convertible Chrysler...