I booked all of this on the 19th of June 2011, i handed in my notice 4 days earlier after speaking to margaret, my dad plus my clairovant yup seriously. I gave them nearly two and half months notice for me go! I didnt have to but felt i needed to complete what i was doing at work.

Two week earlier in june around the 1st of June Shaun text me to say we needed to talk about the house and thats when i knew my life was about to change!!!

The couple of months (year) prior to Shauns text i was really unhappy. I found it hard to tell everyone what was going on, then one day in May my auntie said to me after not seeing for quite a while,'you ain't happy and your killing yourself'. It was quite hard to acknowledge it but since my nonna's death i felt like screaming at everyone, cant you see i lost the only person i really talked to, who was like me and was one of only a few people i trusted and loved. Alot had happened in my life prior to my nonna's death but i think that was the icing on the cake. I remember telling Emma i just fancy running away from it all, i also remember saying maybe i should quit ingleton, maybe i should quit my job, maybe maybe for months!!!

I just kepted going........... actually im a workaholic who prefers to work than live so i dont have to deal with personal crap i am just someone who justs blocks out everything and pretends life is fine. Everyone thinks i am strong but sometimes all i ever wanted was a hug and someone to tell me all is really ok and not to worry.

So why go do this... why go round the world. I just need a rest, THAT IS IT. I ain't here to find a tino that doesnt exist or find the meaning of life lol. I know what i want and i know its all waiting for me when i get home. I just want to see the things i have put off by putting my head into clouds for years and to chill for a bit.

On the 30th of July i moved out my house, shaun and simon moved in now that was weird for me but i soon got used to it. All my stuff went into storage and thats when i knew i would miss living in my haven called Ingleton. It is the only place where i can really chill and the only place where i have lived longer that 18 months before itchy feet set in and i moved. For six weeks prior to leaving i lived between ingleton and karens house in kendal plus my dads and auntie and uncle. Talk about being jobless, homeless and living on the edge.

I owe all these people my thanks because it was really the only time i have ever asked for help (maybe on the odd occasion before but not like this) and they came up trumps. I have always been afraid to owe anyone just incase they put it back in my face.

The weeks went by and during this time i was excited, nervous, dreading it to the point of emotional overdrive. I never really told anyone how i felt except for the occasional comment but i was absolutely s***ting myself. The realisation i was going made me realise what i had given up and to make the most of the trip........

(Sorry if you read this and you are hurt by my comments but this blog is me being honest - so maybe dont read any further)