Ah Prague! A city that grew wildly popular a decade ago because of its dramatic gothic skyline that bangs alongside an energised dance soundtrack. The city is chaotic. Until now, Sjane had only ever visited the Czech capital in the colder months, and likened it to a Winter Wonderland where the Summer version was more akin to a rave. A stroll down through the city centre in the morning saw you weaving your way through masses of tourists while small shops and street performers blared the latest trance and techno dance music onto the street. In a way, it was energising. But as all those physicists out there would be aware: what goes up, must come down. For me, it resulted in a siesta (read: nanna nap). For some of our fellow dorm-sharing roomies, the come-down was a little more pronounced.
It all started on the second of our 3 nights in Prague. We had chatted happily to our new friends (Abby and Scott) about the unspoken Code of Conduct of sharing a dorm. 95% of travellers realise that there are some boundaries to be aware of for harmonious coexistence with others. We laughed freely as we played with the wording of the 8 edicts: generally they followed the themes of a) don't walk around needlessly in your tighty whities, b) try not to wake everyone up during your late arrival or early departure, and c) assorted common sense approaches to not being a dick. The rest of our roomies at that time (let's call them the Three Amigos to minimise my use of profanity) walked in moments after we'd concluded the list of rules and promptly removed their clothes and ambled around aimlessly waiting for the shower. We laughed, wondering if it was just bad timing or they really were douchebags in disguise. We found out later that night that the latter was true, as they banged and chatted their way through the early hours to rouse us all from sleep and leave us all pretty tired and agitated.
The next night (our third and final) would be without the company of Abby and Scott, as they had left and been replaced by more douchebags. It seemed the Three Amigos had recruited likeminded w***s (one with the telltale "I went to Ibiza once and decided to adopt the haircut" warning sign). We both knew it was going to be a long night.
As expected, the w*** army rocked back into the dorm in three waves spanning the better part of 2 hours (from 2-4am), and ensured we all knew each had returned by turning the lights on, singing, hi-5's, throwing things around and generally being d*** . One brought a girl home with him (poor desperate thing she must've been) - another definite no-no in our new Code. Sjane was near breaking point by this stage, and eloquently told them to "Shut the f#*k up." It didn't really work; Ibiza tried a smart arse response and one of the original Amigos promptly started snoring. (Is there any greater irony? The snorer sleeps soundly, while everyone within earshot sits there brooding about how best to kill them). After another half hour of sniggers in the dark and emphatic assertion that "the snoring was the loudest thing they'd ever heard", I half hoped that the settling stillness might mean an hour or two of sleep before we hit the road for the day.
Nope. Amigo #1 (hereafter known as 'Pisser') decided he needed to urinate. Instead of using the toilet, he opened the window near my head and attempted to piss out the opening. The result was Pisser standing in a massive pool of his own piss, being told off by one of his mates and sent out of the room by Sjane. At this point we decided to give up, and headed off to find a coffee. Pisser was still standing outside the door hoping to be let back in when we left - he hadn't taken his key to get back in... yet another Code of Conduct no-no. Not his worst infringement of the night though in my opinion.
Later that morning I tried my best to see the funny side of it and encourage Sjane to do the same. Hence the title 'Pissed'... He was pissed, so he pissed, now you're pissed... etc. etc. I'm sure she'll see the funny side of it one day. Just not yet. One day she'll turn to me and say "Remember that night we got no sleep and then Pisser went and sprayed all over the floor near your head?!"... And we'll remember fondly the adventures of sharing a dorm room. Just not yet. We need some sleep first.
P.S. Next stop is Salzburg. We've invested in a private room.