7) Bavarian Beer, Lederhosen and Dirndls: My three newest favorite things, places and fashion trends. First, when you come to Germany you must come to Munich during Oktoberfest. Second, when you come to Munich for Oktoberfest, you must wear a dirndl (female) or lederhosen (male).

On men, they are cute, adorable. They let you hide what you need to hide, show what you want to show, and in some cases, give the illusion to things that may or may not be there. For example…a butt. More importantly, they make nearly everyone look cute, and in some cases, eff'in HOT. But I digress.

The dirndl gives every woman that old town Bavarian look, glow and feel. A simple country-type frock adorned with a white apron of sorts, makes you feel like you are in Old Bavaria. However, the low-cut blouse that accompanies the frock and apron….HELLO!!!!! Never in my life have I seen so much cleavage lifted up and thrust high to the heavens. It is a gift from above.

Finally, we have the Bavarian Beer - elicsure from the Gods. I have never been that big of a beer drinker, accept in college. But this experience has reawakened my thirst for the beverage. American Beer, or 'Swill' as I now call it, cannot compare to the wondrousness that is German, Bavarian Beer. Was I a beer expert? Absolutely not. Am I a beer expert now? No way. But everything up until this point in my life pails in comparison to Bavaria's Best!!!! Get over here and get some. You will not regret it.

6) MTV is the Devil. OK, so you know the horrible look all the young whipper-snappers are doing now….the one with the jeans that are too small and they don't come up over their butts and they have to hold them up in the front? Well, let me tell you that it's not just in the U.S. IT'S EVERYWHERE. How disappointed was I to see this horrible, wardrobe malfunction of a fashion trend overseas? Very, I tell you. I'm not sure what kind of statement it's attempting (and I use that term loosely) to make, but to me it looks like a hellish nightmare with a hair stuck to it. Personally, I blame MTV. MTV is the devil.

5) Alex: McDonald's, Pizza, Starbucks and Disney.

Contestant: Four things you cannot escape from anywhere in the universe

While on our European excursions, we have tasted and sample several different types of food; food that we probably would not normally have at home. Admittedly, I have to say that we did fall back on a few staples while in Western Europe. The first three: McDonald's, Pizza and Starbuck's: Sometimes, if running a little behind schedule, it was just easier to grab something from one of these places than try and figure out something else everyone wanted. Other times, it was almost like having a little bit of comfort from home - like a security blanket or a favorite pillow. But do yourself a favor and don't miss out on the fabulous cuisine each of these countries/cities has to offer - the Beer, the Sausages, the Beer, the Pasta, the Beer, the Sangria, the Crepes, the Beer and the waffles…….and Beer.

The last thing on the list is Disney. You cannot and will not ever escape Disney. We have seen signs, posters and ads all over Europe for Euro-Disney. And while I am not their greatest fan, I must admit I did learn something from Disney's Beauty and the Beast - that brunettes should never wear yellow or gold ball gowns.

4) Gay men. No matter where you go, there they (we) are…and thank goodness. While sometimes we can be a sarcastic people, we are also a loving people…..a caring people, a designing people, a humorous people, and by large, a party people. When we embarked on this journey, little did I know what was in store for me/us. While Prague and Munich were relatively tame, Milan, Barcelona and Paris have been a little crazy. I never expected to end up at a huge Gay Party in Milan (which was entirely too much fun - until we had to fly the next morning). The gays there are nice and a lot of fun. I never expected to get so caught up in the fun in Barcelona that when I asked what time it was, I was told 4:30am…and the place was still going strong - everyone still dancing and having fun. Again, great gays. In Paris, I am still a little mixed about feelings for the French. Don't get me wrong, it's a great city with great and wonderful people, but some of the gays well, they are just a little bit too b****y and in great need of a makeover. They should go to Milan more often because the fashion in that city is on like Donkey Kong.

So wherever you go, take a gay with you. Meet a gay over there. Stay at a Gay B&B. We are a fun, witty, catty, knowledgeable people and we will take good care of you…except maybe in Paris. OK, Paris too, but just be picky about your gay over there. Take a gay on Vay-cay. You won't regret it.

3) OK, so not that you will have to do this if and when you come to Europe, but we did one on this trip. Oktoberfest, which was crowded as hell, but still entirely too much fun, had been threatened by Al-Quaida while we were there…no kidding. There was Gay tent about the size of a football field with twice as many people in it - going strong. The only problem? We couldn't get it because it was full. However, we bribed a cook from the kitchen 100 euros to let us in and he did and it was INCREDIBLE. So, not that you will ever have to do that, but if you really want to do something and it's not available, never under estimate the value of a good bribe to get in a GREAT PARTY!!!

2) Short People Got No Reason. Do you remember that song? Let me start this by saying that I DO NOT dislike short people, little people, midgets, height-challenged people, or whatever the politically correct term is used to describe the people I'm getting ready to talk about. When you go on vacation people, beware this group. They are quick. They are Spry. They are scrappy. They are pushy. And they will stop at nothing to take a picture, move to the front of the line, load and unload a tour bus first, and finally, shoot you an evil look - a look only monsters and demons can conjure, should you cross their path the wrong way. I have been witness to these atrocities, my friends, and while it has not kept me up at night, I have laughed about it quite a bit. Never in my life have I seen or had so many people, 5 feet and under, push me aside to take a picture, get off the bus first - and they have done it faster than you can imagine, You don't really see them until it's too late and you are walking into them accidently, pushing into them accidently, and by then, it's too late. The look from HELL is quick to ensue as they burn, ney, seer the flesh away from your skin with a gaze of their upward glaring evil-eye. Don't be mistaken if, at first, the evil eye looks like a hurt puppy. It's just their way of drawing you in. It's real and it has happened people. They are young. They are old with blue hair. They are male. They are female. They are Asian. They travel in packs. They hunt in small groups. Beware! Vacation defensively, people. Protect yourselves.

PS: Kristen Chenoweth is the exception to this. She can do no wrong!!!!!!!