Day 1

Our driver, Puran, picked us up from the hotel in Delhi at 8:00. It is supposed to be a 5 hour drive to Ludhiana and we started well, missing the morning traffic coming out of Delhi. As we were leaving, Lidia said to me "Do you think we should give the driver the address in Ludhiana?" I said no, because surely the tour company had given him the address. Turns out….they hadn't.

We arrived in Ludhiana in good time at 1:00 and the driver turned to us and asked which hotel we were staying at. We explained that we were staying at a private address and gave him the details. He had absolutely no idea where to go. What should have taken 15 minutes took 1.5 hours as he drove around in circles asking every man and his dog for directions. In the end I rang Mani and she talked the driver through where to go. Mani's sister-in-law, Nancy, met us at an intersection and we followed her to the house.

We are staying with Mani's brother, Avatar and his wife, Manjeeb. The house is a three story mansion with full-time servants. Two families live here most of the time, but with us and Mani's family that is expanded to 4. Still, there is plenty of room and Lidia and I practically have the first floor to ourselves.

The first thing they did when we arrived was feed us, and we have pretty much eaten without a break since we got here. After the initial welcome snacks we sat down to a magnificent feast prepared by the family's two chefs. We had three different curries, including a beautiful paneer cheese curry that I couldn't get enough of.

The two chefs pretty much run the whole household. They are Nepalese because apparently that's what you do in India. With so many unemployed in the country I don't know why they hire Nepalese, but I suspect it's because they are in the country illegally and are cheap. They live in a room on the roof of the house and they both have wives and children in Nepal who they only see once a year. We felt bad for them, but I guess they are there willingly. They were really nice guys and practically bring the kids up as well as doing all of the household chores. The family trusts them implicitly and they came with us to all of the parties and looked after everyones valuables all night.

After lunch we drove straight into the city to shop for dresses for Lidia. Mani and Manna took us to a dress shop where Lidia paraded dresses for us for the next couple of hours. The dresses were extremely colourful and overworked with braids, jewels, etc. Lidia was completely overwhelmed by the end of it, but chose a dress which we were to pick up the next day after alterations. Every dress in the shop is unique and they make them in a large size so that they can alter them once the customer has chosen.

We then went to a favourite restaurant of Mani and Mannas for dinner and again ate like royalty.

After dinner we went to Mani's other brothers house, Raju, where all of the ladies were having henna done for the wedding. It is Raju's son that is getting married. There were two henna artists there and they had the women going through like a production line, with an artist on each arm.

While Lidia was having her henna done, I went upstairs where the family had hired a choreographer to teach dances to the family. Mani and Manna were perfecting a routine that they will be dancing at the wedding and the place was abuzz with people practicing their dances.

By the time we got home it was 2:00am and we fell into bed like corpses.

Day 2

At 7:30 next morning Mani woke us with chai latte. Lidia asked for toast for breakfast and they prepared a potato naan bread that was amazing.

Lidia had been having second thoughts about her dress, so after breakfast we drove back into the dress shop so that she could have another look.

Manna was driving and fair dinkum the traffic in India is ridiculous. There is no such thing as road rules, it's pretty much every driver for themselves. You find a gap, you drive into it, laying on your horn. There is no such thing as giving way in any circumstance and lane lines mean absolutely nothing. Even driving on the right side of the road is optional.

The drivers here can practically have a conversation with their horns. It is impossible to drive without one, and I noticed that Manna had different horn combinations for different situations. For example, a short beep means "I'm coming up next to you, don't move", a series of long beeps means "Get the hell out of my way!" and one continuous beep means "We're all gonna die!". Apparently there's a saying here that you need 3 things to drive in India: Good brakes, good horn and good luck!

Here is a conversation between me and Manna while driving on a 4 lane highway with cars bearing down towards us:

Me: Ah, Manna? Are we driving on the wrong side of the road right now?

Manna: Yes

Me: Right.

I have introduced a new "High five, we're still alive!" campaign for whenever we arrive home with all of our limbs intact.

Anyway, we did make it to the dress shop alive and Lidia tried on a couple more dresses and settled on a beautiful red number.

Then it was back home for more food! The Indians are exactly like the Italians when it comes to food. They make way too much of it and then make it their mission to ensure that you are stuffing yourself every second of the day. Some of Mani's family don't speak English, but as soon as they see you they move their hands to their mouths in a "Why are you not eating?" motion. The hospitality here is really amazing.

After lunch 2 hairdressers and a make-up artist arrived at the house and started glamming up all of the women in the house. Apparently they come every day for the next 3 days so that the women can choose a different hairstyle and different make-up for each night of the wedding.

We were supposed to leave to be at the reception centre at 7:00, but we quickly found out that time means absolutely nothing to the Indians and were told that nothing would happen before we got there, so by the time the hair and make-up was finished we ended up arriving at the venue at 10:30.

We walked in and found ourselves on a Bollywood movie set. It was an outdoor affair around a pool with floating candles in it and garlands of flowers in patterns around the pool. There were dozens of turbaned waiters walking around offering Indian canapes, which consisted of fish tikka, chicken tikka, chicken tandoori, chili chicken, potato bonda and all sorts of other delicious goodies.

A full bar with half a dozen bartenders started plying us with whisky as soon as we arrived. A giant movie screen was playing Indian pop hits next to a dance floor.

No sooner had we arrived than we were shunted over to a photographer who took a series of shots of us next to the pool. Some of the poses were super-corny and we found ourselves laughing all the way through it. For one shot, we had to kiss and Lidia had to kick up her leg behind her. Hilarious!

Mani mentioned to us that Ludhiana is not a touristy area and therefore many of the guests have never actually seen a white person in the flesh. We were treated like celebrities all night, with many people outwardly staring at us. By the second night we had a small posse of kids who followed us around and sat near us so that they could stare at us. One little girl, Vidi, had a crush on Lidia and when Lidia danced with her she was over the moon.

At around midnight, we all gathered near the giant movie screen and they played a pre-wedding video that they had prepared with the bride and groom. It was like a Bollywood movie and was very entertaining.

Then each of the couples in the immediate family performed their choreographed dances. They were fantastic. Lidia approached the choreographer after the performances were over and they did a salsa together. It's amazing how Lid's inhibitions disappear after a few whiskies!

When it was time to cut the cake, all of the guests lined up and fed a spoonful of cake to the bride and groom and the couple fed the guests a spoonful as well. Trouble is they used the same spoons for all of the guests. We tried to fade into the background but Mani grabbed our arms and made us go up as well. We were hoping to get away with just feeding the couple, but they shoved a spoonful each into our mouths. Nothing like swapping spit with 300 strangers!

By the time all of the formalities were finished and we danced our feet off, it was getting very late. We sat down for the dinner at 1:40am. The food was spectacular. After dinner we finally drove home, arriving back at the house at 3am.

Day 3

The next morning we went back into the city for a fitting for Lidia's dress and she tried on a couple of new ones and found another one she liked more. It was a beautiful red pleated number with gold braid around the neck and waist. So we had to leave it there for alterations and pick it up the next day.

That night, after the girls had their hair and make up done, we went to the grooms house for the next part of the celebration. Lidia has going to wear a dress she brought for the 2nd night, but Mani thought it had too much cleavage so she had to wear a spare she had brought along. Lucky she did, because she had to wear flats with it and the first part of the ceremony involved walking along gravels roads for 3 km. She could never have done it in the shoes she originally wore.

When we arrived at the grooms house, the women undertook a ritual where the dressed each other in shawls and bangles made of gold bells. They then placed a coloured dot on their foreheads. This is generally just for the family, however they involved Lidia in the entire ceremony.

They then placed a red and gold jug on top of Nancy's head. Nancy is the grooms sister-in-law and it is tradition that the wife of your oldest brother carry the jug on her head. We then all walked around 3kms to the temple. There was a drummer with us and on the way we stopped and danced at different intervals while the women sang.

When we reached the temple, Nancy filled the jug up with water from the tap inside the temple. This is apparently holy water and would be used the following day by the groom to wash. We then went back to the grooms house to party!

Again, there was food and whisky in abundance. A DJ pumped out the latest Punjabi hits while the guests danced. I was befriended by a young guy named Mohit, who taught me all of the different dance moves, and I must say I was pretty good! At least I thought so.

At one stage during the night they out on Ed Sheeran's "Thinking out loud", and given it was the only English song they played all night, they dragged Lidia and I onto the dance floor and then cleared it so that we ended up doing a solo performance for everyone there. How embarrassing! Again, luckily Lidia had had enough whisky to enable her to do it without dying of embarrassment.

Dinner was again very late and we ended up eating at around 1:00 and getting home around 1:30.

The next morning we went back to the grooms house for another ritual. In this ceremony, the groom sat on a small stool while the women took turns to wipe oil on his feet, legs, arms and face. They then took a turmeric paste and smeared it over his feet, arms and face. It was a very messy affair and again Lidia was asked to join the women in the family and wipe the oil on the groom, and then both of us smeared the turmeric on him. After that he went crazy wiping turmeric on the women, including Lidia.

He was then taken upstairs by his mother, who smeared curd all over his hair and body, before bathing in the holy water and finally washing it all off. I said to Mani, they should have popped him in the tandoori oven and we could have had lunch! Apparently this tradition is supposed to give the grooms skin a rosy glow. The same routine would be occurring at the bride's house.

That evening we were invited back to the groom's house for the dressing ritual. I was asked to come upstairs while Lidia sat downstairs being stared at by everyone there.

Upstairs the groom was dressing for the wedding. His brother buttoned up his tunic, which was white with raised paisley print and buttoned up to the neck. His brother then put a necklace on him which was about 7 rows of pearls.

He then put on his funky shoes, which were white with a curled toe. His cousin then attached a feathered corsage to the front of his turban. Then he picked up a jewelled sword, turned around and touched to his forehead, facing a picture of their God. Then he applied a fragrance.

After this ceremony, we went downstairs, where Lidia and I were seated next to the groom on one side of the room, with all other guests on the other side, like guests of honour! His cousin, Simi, stood behind him and lowered a veil of pearls over his face so that you couldn't see his face. They then pinned the centre strings up on top of his turban so that he could see. After this, each family stood behind him and waved money over his head, or dressed him, his brother and his cousin with aprons made entirely of money.

Then we all proceeded outside where a brass band was playing, all dressed in maharajah costumes. There was a horse, decorated in coloured ropes and the groom and Uvraj mounted the horse. A small procession then took place with the band playing, the guests dancing and one guy holding a colourful material umbrella over the groom.

After the procession, we all drove to the wedding venue. If we thought the venue on the first night was big, this one took the cake! There were 700 guests there in a massive outdoor venue, with another massive indoor venue for the dinner. There were a multitude of cameras, videographers, drones, boom cameras, and a huge dancefloor with another movie screen over it.

Our new friend. Mohit, was waiting for us at the front and took us in, got us a drink and explained all of the customs to us. Then he took us out to the front of the venue as the groom arrived. The band was there as well and we joined a procession down a 200 metre entrance walkway, lined with coloured lights, lawns and chiffon canopies. We all danced all the way down the walkway until we reached the entrance to the venue. We were then stopped by the bride's family who negotiated a price with the groom for him to enter. This process took about 10 minutes with a lot of shouting and laughing until we were finally allowed to enter to a cacophony of cheering.

For the next couple of hours we were again treated like royalty, with many people asking to have their photos taken with us. The ladies were particularly taken with Lidia and loved rubbing her arms.

The food was amazing with turbaned waiters walking around with trays of the most wonderful Indian delicacies. Of course, the whisky was again flowing freely. It's going to take me a month to detox after this wedding!

We again did a lot of dancing where Mohit taught me a few more moves and Mana and I did some sort of Indian can-can. Honey had given our camera to one of the many professional photographers there, who followed us around taking shots.

We were then asked to come and have photos taken with the bride and groom who sat on a huge raised platform decorated with thousands of flowers and colourful canopies.

At around 2:15am we were asked to come inside to have dinner! We walked in and were ushered to Mani's brother, Avatar, who insisted we sit next to him. We were then treated to yet another magnificent Indian feast. One of the dishes was a goat curry which was super-delicious!

After dinner we went back to the house and finally got the bed around 4am.

Day 4

The last day!

This morning Avtar called us into the lounge and he and his wife presented us with a gift for coming to the wedding. We could not believe that they had done this, given their generosity and hospitality over the last 4 days. These people are so warm and generous it is truly overwhelming. They gave us a 24K gold ingot.

I asked Mani to tell Avtar that we appreciated their hospitality and generosity and that we feel like part of the family now. Lidia got quite emotional and I must say I had a bit of a lump in my throat as well.

This morning was the final ceremony for the married couple. It involved a religious ceremony at the Seik temple, where the couple would walk around the holy book four times with monks chanting the whole time.

Unfortunately, by the time everyone was ready and we braved the insane traffic to get there, we missed Money and Jasleen's ceremony. We saw another couple do the ritual and then went to the temple restaurant for lunch where we met Money and Jasleen again. The temple put on a very nice vegetarian lunch (as if we hadn't already eaten enough!)

After lunch a drummer came into the room and it was time for the couple to leave to go to their hotel. There were many tears from the bride and her family and they jostled through the thick crowd, including the obligatory 15 professional photographers to the bridal car, which was all covered in flowers. A band was playing outside as they got into the car and drove off. They were to spend one night at a hotel and then the bride would move into the grooms family home the next day.

Our driver was also outside the temple, so after many tearful farewells with Manis family, we also took off back to Delhi.