The first week's a holiday. That's how long I and my companion and confidant Mitchell allowed ourselves to adjust to the climate, gather a bit of local geography, and let the Aussie sun start to strip some of the reflective lustre from our Colgate-white skins. We'd done the holidaymaker stuff, seen the sights and taken photographs, eaten some kangaroos, spent time on the beach and gotten a generous dose of the Pacific Ocean lodged in our sinuses. Five out of seve...

Cast your mind back to the tenth of December. Back in England it was Human Rights Day, so it's ironic that we were spending it in China. Specifically, we were in the departure lounge of Shanghai airport waiting for our connecting flight to Sydney. By we I mean not only my friend and road dog Mitchell, but all the English-speaking passengers waiting for the next leg of the trip to Australia, for we had all grouped together, hoping that our pooled intellects could ...