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Bombay Mix, Bollywood Fix and Birthday tricks!
Well we've had an eventful few weeks since we last checked in with you guys.Sights upon sights, a bollywood dream come true and entering officially the 3rd age group in the tick box catergories - 26- hello to those of you sharing this box with me.Goodbye to the rest of you young beautiful freaks.To hell with vanity!
Took a sleeper train from Ragisthan to the dizzy sights of Mumbai.Opted for a cheaper carriage, that, apart from the general increase in people farting, snoring and hacking up what I can't even begin to imagine through the night, was pretty alright, you know.
The first image you are faced with in Mumbai when you arrive off the train are masses of slum dwellings propped up along the disused lines, quite a humbling experience.Bemused, confused and gradually being circled by more and more rickshaw drivers, a helpful local seized us into his rickshaw and personally escorted is to the local train bound for Colaba.Just one of the goodwill gestures that you end up being truly thankful for in a sea of commission dependent and desperate people.
Mumbai is filled with British colonial buildings and at times it felt like we were walking through London.Plenty of hustle and bustle with cargo, people selling chai, a general fishy smell and businesses propped up in any mildly feasible place.
We went for some happy hour drinks that ended up costing an astronomical 1000 rupees for 4 drinks!Leaving a little deflated by the Mumbai prices we ambled along to Leapolds (Famous bar hit in the Mumbai terrorist attacks) only to be turned away as they were too busy.Heading home, dejected, broke, alone (a little dramatic effect applies here)we were approached by a rather big, sweaty, flustered man asking us if we wanted to be bollywood extras in a promotional trailer for up coming Tv series, earning 500 rupees each (what we'd just spent in the bar) - our luck was looking up!!
Our day of Bollywood action:
We were driven in a fancy jeep through Mumbai to the out skirts where the magic happens.Along with me and Ross there were a Polish couple (who didn't much like spicey food, were missing beef greatly, and were all too familiar with British stag do culture in Poland)another polish guy (who had been traveling in India for 7 years after selling his apartment and renouncing all of his possessions to a heroin habit - kicked thankfully) and 3 other European girls (with less eventful backgrounds).The reason we knew so much about our co-stars was mostly due to the fact we spent 10 hours waiting in a trailer together.
Finally after a long day we were called out of our trailer (hole of boredom) to get costumed up!And the things we had to wear were hilarious.We had a 'choice' of clothes but under close scrutiny from various wardrobe assistants and the director we all ended up wearing something outlandishly garish and reveling.For example after 30-40 minutes of costume Ross rocked up in a pink Bon Jovi T shirt, burberry-esque trainers and a red black checked scarf tied round his elbow.More waiting was broken by the excitement and chatter of how awful we looked.It's quite a wonder to think what the average Indian, and relatively cosmopolitan Mumbiker thinks that westerners are like!
At last - on to the set.20 to 30 crew members milling around our stage backed with bright and literally explosive strip lighting and wait for it…A RAIN MACHINE!Huddled together on a set with 4 Indian models and the main actress, our only direction was "Go MAD!" "Go CRAZY!"So when the rain switched on and they started blaring our a remix if Britney Spears, 'I'm a slave' we did just that "JUMP!" "GO WILD"!!3-4 shoots, a bottle of champers between us, wet through and buzzing, we pocketed our 7.50 pounds/ 13 hour wage and hit the bars of Mumbai - Bollywood dream come true!
After stardom in Mumbai we headed for Auranga-bad-don't-ever-go-there staying in the grottiest room yet.It smelt of rubbish, was covered mould and on the wall by the bed it looked like someone had got up in the night, shat up the wall and then puked in disgust in the same spot, proceeding to smear 'I V 5' in something brown.But these budget travelers won't be beaten - even when the bed bugs found us.We're tough, although a little psychologically damaged.
Anyway we hopped on a bus far way to the Ellora caves, a series of beautiful carved out caves, built into various Buddhist, Jain and Hindu temples.Very grand and impressive.Whilst poking my head into one dark corner something fell in front of me from the ceiling.I ran out screaming and on closer inspection realized this was quite justified in discovering it was in fact a snake.That'll learn me.
After a while I started to fell ill and we ended up cutting the trip short and getting a shared jeep.After picking up 17 people and journeying back and forth around and around I eventually puked rather gloriously out of the window, onto some passing traffic and some passengers behind.Not surprisingly quite a fun experience! But continued in to vomit for the next 24 hours.
Go Go Goa!
Finally headed to the relaxing and laid back Goan beaches for a long anticipated rest.Palolem was our first port of call, quite quiet less developed beach suited to us western hollidayers.Ross was pleased that we managed to sit in the ladies only seats for the second time on our travels.Simple pleasures.We stayed in a beach hut and spent a few days chilling, relaxing and maxing, eating seafood, drinking cheap beer, sunbathing, kayaking, dolphin spotting, rock pooling and swimming in the sea.Discovered in the time we were there that the only competitive sport I can beat Ross at is…..Connect four. In you face Sheffield!
Next stop Birthday in Anjuna, meeting out friends from the camel Safari, Sophie and Alan. This is how I celebrated my rather varied birthday
-woke up and went for a stroll down the beach.Whilst giving some fuss to a couple of puppies another bigger dog, who was obviously jealous, decided to piss on my leg
-BITTER
-Decided to hire some mopeds and wizzed around on them most the day
-SWEET
-Checked in for a spa massage sessions with steam bath an Jacuzzi time
-SWEET
-Spent the first 10 minutes having head lice being picked out of my hair
-BITTER
-Was pleasently surprised by a birthday banner, balloons, cake and confetti presents from Sophie and Alan
-SWEET
-Applied my head lice treatment
-BITTER
-Mini beach hut party and headed to the bar next door for some house DJ, getting suitably drunk and danced away
-SWEET
-Typhoon sets in, rain floods the dance floor and all of our clothes, money, passports get soaked as we dance in the sea
-BITTER SWEET
Since then we have been to a few other Goan beaches getting burnt like the British do best, seeing a fair amount of Russian booty (butts that is, not treasure) as they all seem to like tanning their bums; made friends with some beach dogs (keeping my distance slightly) and discovering that the one place sales people won't hassle you is in the sea - HEAD TO THE SEA!
Other important notes:
Oh hail eggs on pizza
Oh hail chillie powder on cucumbers
If you politey reject a stalk of sugar cane from the crazy man on the bus be prepared for the repercussions
A 'smooch' from and elephant is something quiet fulfilling (as I discovered)
Man U vs. Villa - where there's a will there's a way
Turning away looking disappointed by the inflated foreign tourist charges at certain sights may prompt the security guard to ask for half the fee, pocketing it for himself, and let you in on the sly, yar, backshessh.
Share your mens fashion mag pull out with locals to distort, even further, there ideas of western culture.
And finally, Indian museum owners everywhere: Do not, I repeat DO NOT nail the name placards in to the historical relic, it ruins it like. Please make this practice common place.
Over and out xxxx
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