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Wednesday evening at Nyuang Shwe we went for a massage. We approched the small wooden shack with confidence, as we have found the best bars, restaurants and shops in the most humble of buildings.
We smiled at a twenty something guy sat outside and said "massage?"
Out came a woman who had heard the question to give us the full menu of options.
"Full body, 7 thousand chets" she said.
Well, as that was the only option and an hour of something for about £5, we indicated that the three of us would want their best rub down as of that moment.
We were asked to sit down and wait in what can only be described as the family home hallway. 2 women and 2 men bussled in and out if a curtain covered room of which we caught the occasional glimpse. Insense and candlight gave our senses a shock as we were beckoned into the den. 5 hard beds with linen, blankets and 2 open flames were before us. Gestured towards our designated beds, we removed excess clothing and took a seat, along with a hairy Indian man who had let himself in for the same fate.
I felt sorry for my woman, who began by attending to pressure points on my feet. My feet are hard and dirty from the dusty streets and barefoot temple walks. She didn't seem to care though. I suppose that all their feet are the same.
She rubbed and pressed my leg to get the blood flowing and all was well, then suddenly, to my great surprise, she grasped the teak beam above her head and stepped onto my left thigh. Weighing roughly 90 kilo's, my body wasn't quite sure what had happened, so my reflexes sort of kicked, the thin air, causing her to be unsteady and fall off (off me!).
The second attempt was more successful. As she happily placed her entire weight into my hip and cut off the circulation to my leg, I glanced left to see what was happening to Louise.
There is no other way to describe what I saw, but Louise looked as though she was having sex with the invisible man. Let me explain.... she was lying on her back, a dark small man was lying opposite her, holding her feet to keep himself steady and kicking her backside with some force, which in turn was causing her body to slide up and down along the bed with great force. It was at that point that the whole experience began to overwhelm me and a machine gun burst of laughter escaped my mouth, followed by Louise and then Hannah.
After probably ruining the Indian man's relaxing experience, and after about 10 minutes of giggles, we managed to control ourselves and continue 'relaxing'.
It wasn't long before my arse was subjected to the same treatment as Louise's. If there was ever a time when I'd fart at the wrong moment, this'd be it, I thought!!! My buttocks clenched as she kicked them and luckily, there were no embarassing moments, well apart from when she pulled my trousers down to below my pubic bone to rub my tummy. #awks
Without a doubt - a very interesting massage!!
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Fiona Love reading these!