*****This blog was written prior to our return to the UK*****

An Apology to the Welsh

In previous blogs phrases like "What do you call a sheep tied to a tree?" Answer: A Welsh leisure centre, and "What's the best thing to have ever come out of Wales?" Answer: The Severn Road Bridge, may have given the impression that I was a bit lukewarm towards the taffs.

However, having been towed out of a swamp in Botswana by Marc the Welshman (last photographed on this website wearing a policewoman's uniform) I have seen the light and, unprompted by anyone, not even Marc, I feel I should write about my immense admiration for Wales and everything Welsh.

Despite having a language less popular than Esperanto, a football team lower in the world rankings than the Maldives, and a superb rugby team whose only problem is that they lose nearly every game; I do accept that Wales is a beautiful country (providing you drive blindfolded through the south). In fact now that the Welsh appear to have stopped burning down English owned homes I would be happy to live there!

You cannot ignore the contribution the Welsh have made in the area of culture and the arts. The playwright Bob Dylan (or was it Dylan Thomas) springs to mind, as does that TV giant Thomas the Tank Engine, old sweaty pants (Tom Jones) and Ewen McGregor (oh no, sorry, he's from that other bunch of Celts). Finally people may not be aware of the huge impact the Welsh film industry has made, remember those timeless classics Sheepless in Seattle, The Bridge over the River Wye, Dai Hard, Look back in Bangor and Dial M For Merthyr?

Of course it was the Welshman's fault we ended up in the swamp in the first place! We saw his Landrover parked up ahead of us and we knew that it was brunch time. That was the probably not the first but certainly the last time I will ever let my stomach overrule my brain! I usually test water crossings by throwing Angela in and seeing if she sinks or floats. Mindful of the presence of elephants, hippos and crocs I stupidly let her off that task and we went for the crossing, not even bothering to drop in to low box!

The water (and mud) proved a bit deeper than expected, the bow wave that should have stayed just below bonnet height went over the roof rack and we came to a grinding halt in an explosion of mud, silt and startled fish!

Thanks to the legendary door seal qualities of Landrovers, the car started taking in water faster than the Titanic! Ever the positive thinker Angela concluded that the car was going to sink (maybe it was lower in the water her side!) and was over my seat and out the window before I had chance to ask if she was OK!

If our actions up to then were stupid, we happily compounded our errors by standing there gauping at the car until it finally dawned on us that water and car contents do not mix well! We then rushed back to extract binoculars, cameras, the laptop, valuables and reference books before they got ruined, though in the case of the latter we were too late.

A passing Toyota (it grieves me to admit that we were helped by a Toyota driver) went and fetched the Welshman. When Marc arrived we were greeted by the re-assuring comment "how did you manage that, you twat?" Warming to the theme, he made us feel much better when he pointed out that there was a dry crossing about 200 metres further north that we could have taken. If that wasn't enough, Marc's major concern, as our home for the last 30 months settled lower in to the swamp, was that his brand new kinetic towrope was going to get dirty (do you see why I love the Welsh?)

Fortunately the engine still started (during our Titanic moment I had very stupidly turned it off) and we were soon on the riverbank, whilst a ton of water, a hippo pod and assorted sizes of crocodiles poured out of the open doors. Given that the nearest garage was 200kms or further in any direction we were very relieved, and very lucky, to have a working car, even though it did smell like Shrek's outside privy! Incredibly our brand new Sony short wave radio, located under Angela's seat, survived it's underwater adventure and is working perfectly!

Somewhere between our aquatic encounter and our arrival in Kasane, Northern Botswana, we decided that Zambia and Malawi, our intended destination with Marc and Paula, would be a trip too far at this time. We were enjoying not having to tow our off road trailer through the thick sand of Moremi, Savuti and Chobe but we were missing the conveniences of the trailer, an easily accessible fridge, a water tank, a 2 burner gas stove and a kitchen! Instead these items were crammed in to the back of the Discovery!

Sensible people fit cars with sliding draw systems for easy access, we contrived to hide our gear in stacked ammo boxes whose contents bore little relation to the list sellotaped to the outside! With hindsight we should have done a trial run without the trailer to see how we got on, and we should have halved the amount of gear we packed. The latter is a lesson that we fail to learn every time we go away!

Frustrated, tired, dirty and feeling bad about messing up the trip we decided to return to South Africa to do some car modifications. Marc & Paula, along with friends Liz & Adam who were driving a rental Landrover Defender 110, decided to head to the beaches of Mozambique via Zimbabwe.

As we were having close encounters with lions (two males gave us a rousing duet whilst stood next to our tent in Chobe National Park) Liz and Adam rolled their Landrover on a gravel road halfway across Zimbabwe. Incredibly they climbed out of the crushed cab with nothing more than a few bruises and Marc was able to pull the vehicle upright. Even more amazing was that Liz and Adam then drove the car back to Kasane in Botswana, despite leaking fluids all the way (the car not them) and despite being fined twice by the Zimbabwe police for having an unroadworthy vehicle!

We chilled out at Chobe Safari Lodge with Liz & Adam for a couple of days as they waited for their replacement vehicle and we enjoyed some fantastic game viewing in Chobe. That is the place to go if you want to see huge herds of buffalo and elephants. We were also lucky to catch sight of two leopards, one resting in a large Baobob tree with an impala kill draped over a nearby branch.

Whilst at Chobe Safari Lodge we met Beth & Perry, two more Americans from…….Alaska. How odd is that, we now have 6 friends in Alaska. We would appreciate it if some of you guys could re-locate before our next US visit; Hawaii or the New York area would be nice. Beth & Perry were driving a rented Defender 110 and were not having their share of luck, they were holed up in Kasane waiting for a new fuel pump to arrive and their rental company was uncontactable (in fact it had gone bankrupt!)

It would be re-miss of us not to mention meeting Carsten and Marianne, Danish junior doctors who, unlike us lazy tourists, had actually travelled halfway across Africa by public transport. If that wasn't heroic and hard enough they'd done voluntary work in hospitals along the way!

One concern in Chobe National Park was the amount of buffalo carcases being burnt by the authorities. The campsite attendants gave us the implausible explanation that tourists didn't want to see buffalo being eaten by lions, hyaena and vultures because of the smell. The guys on the exit gate were more honest; they explained there was an anthrax problem with the buffalo! This was not re-assuring news, we'd spent 3 hours sat by a dead buffalo one morning, in the hope that a predator would arrive, but none did!

Botswana is not having much luck with animal diseases at the moment, there are almost continuous outbreaks of Foot & Mouth Disease around the Okavango Delta area and whilst we were there the disease spread to Ghanzi, centre of the Botswana beef industry.

Quite why a country so rich in wildlife and diamonds is playing around with beef cattle farming is a question too long to answer here, but suffice to say it relates back to independence commitments by the British and now the European Union. It is a mess to say the least, as the country is now criss crossed by vetinerary fences that appear totally ineffectual at managing FMD, yet very effectual at stopping the natural migratory movements of millions of zebra, wildebeest and their ever attendant predators!

For tourists like us the vet fences are an irritation, as you are stopped and your fridge is searched for meat. This is meat that most of us buy in South Africa, which the authorities don't mind you taking northwards in Botswana. Come back south with meat though and it will be confiscated, so everyone hides it.

The authorities (usually people in jeans and T shirts, with no uniform, sat by a road barrier) will also take cheese, dairy products and cooked meats if they find it, so everyone goes through the ritual of hiding everything before arriving at the gate. If our actions sound irresponsible it is because of the laxity of the controls, we've stood watching local villagers herd cattle around the road barrier as we've struggled to explain why we should keep vacuum packed cooked meat bought in South Africa.

After the car free roads of Botswana, the traffic jams and motorways of Joburg seemed overwhelming, but we were there for a purpose, to get a ladder, gas bottle holder and better tow hitch fitted to the Landrover, ready for the next adventure without a trailer.

We then fell upon the generous hospitality of our farmer friends, Isaac and Liesel, whilst we got the trailer and car prepared for another visit to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park (KTP) a favourite place of ours. Whilst staying on the farm we helped cut and bag up a heifer that Isaac had slaughtered, possibly our first half day's work in 30 months and very exhausting!

This being spring, the local snakes were out in force; we dodged boomslangers in the trees around the farm cottages and cape cobras on the ground. Both snakes have enough venom to completely ruin your day, in fact you are unlikely to survive it without urgent medical attention!

I'll finish this blog with apologies to Marc & Paula and Liz & Adam for messing up the planned trip and grateful thanks to Isaac & Liesel for hosting us at Farm Kokwaan, North Western Province. Apologies are also due to Beth & Perry; we didn't mean to drive off with your cutlery!

Next stop Upington and the KTP.