This could be long! but please read it! its funny! ...........Getting to Columbia is harder than you may think! ..............There are three ways to get to Columbia! Plane, Boat or Walk across the Darrien Gap! The chances of making it alive are slim when walking, so I decided take a sail boat from Panama to Caragena in Columbia. The boat trip would pass through the native Indian Islands of San Blas, and stop off for 2 days at some of them, before heading into open sea for 2 days. I left the hostel with a Swiss girl who had booked the same boat, and we had to head to Isla Grande on the Caribbean side of Panama to meet the boat. We were told that we needed to catch 2 busses, and it would take about 3 hours max. On the first bus we bumped into an Argentine couple that we had seen backpacking before, and it turned out that they were on the same boat! This was kinda handy as they spoke Spanish! So we got off the bus at the first stop, and were told to catch a bus from the front of Rays Supermarcado. The busses in Panama are old American School busses, that have been painted, or you could say decorated in elaborate colours and graphics. They are known in Panama City as the Red Devils, because the kill on average 2 people per month. The busses race each other! and they are badly maintained one caught on fire last month, killing all on board! Nice eh! So anyway, after waiting at this second bus stop for about two hours, we found out that it had broken down, and wasn´t coming. So we caught another bus heading in the general direction. Then the last 20 KMs we did by taxi. The taxi´s in Panama are cheap, but you get what you pay for! This taxi was possibly the worst ever though! The wheels were rubbing on the body, with the shear weight, and it was leaking brake fluid and the clutch was slipping! At one point he got out and spent 3 minutes under the bonnet! And then disater! BANG! the front tire burst! and he threw us out in the middle of nowhere! We walked with our backpacks until we found a Pizza place (oddly in the middle of nowhere). And wouldn´t you believe it, it was owned by 3 drunk French guys. As soon as they knew I was English, they didn´t seem to want to help! So, after reminding them that we knocked them out of the rugby world cup, we swiftly moved on. Luckily we managed to catch another bus, to get us to Isla Grande to meet the boat.

The Captain of the boat was French-Canadian, and seemed okay. Unfortunatly, for the entire trip, I had to share a double bed with the Swiss Girl! The other two on the boat were a couple from Sheffield! We had to spend one further day in San Blas because the captin hadn´t been shopping for food, no real hardship! After a few days of being at sea, we felt that the captain had a little bit of an bad attitude, and seemed to take pleasure in barking at people, if they had done something slightly wrong. For example leaving a light on in the toilet. Not flushing the toilet correctly. Leaving a cup on deck. Blah Blah. Then that afternoon he exploded, when he foulnd a cup on deck! and shouted at all six of us, demanding to know who had left it there. No one answered, so he then followed it up by saying "one of you did it, so one of you is a liar". Then later that evening he went off to see a friend of his on another boat. He had cooked a sausage and lentle broth, with rice for Lunch, which we were to have for dinner too. When he returned later that evening, he went to get some food from the pans, (we were playing cards) and he turned to us with a red face, and shouted "have none of you got any respect for me?" "You havent left me any Sausage". "Who ate all the f***in sausages?" We were all kind of shocked, but at the same time it was quite funny! We tried to calm the situation, by telling him that it wasn´t dine on purpose! and we were sorry. It was clear that he was drunk, and he didn´t seem to care what he said. Then he carried on shouting, this time in German at Mirijam the Swiss girl. He then repeated it in English, which translated as "Your all a bunch of dirty rats, treartng this boat like a sewer". (Maybe there was somehting lost in translation). At this point I said to him (still sat behind the table, with my winning rummy cards in my hand). "Hold on fella, this is a bit out of order! We have said sorry, and we have paid $275 for this trip, treat us with a bit of respect" (Score one for the Brit) Which he replied "well you can have your money back, and leave right now". It was raining, dark and we had dropped anchor next to an Island with only a palm tree on it! So, I thought better of it. However, the next day 4 off us decided enough was enough, and we were off! When we told him we wanted off, he seemed supprised! and then after a while told us that maybe! he had over reacted to the situation. But still no apology! We got back a $170 each from him and made him take us back to the local San Blas runway, about one hour back. Which he did..not much was said on that journey, I can tell you......and all over a f***in Sausage!

Our problems didn´t end there, because we didn´t have the correct stamps to re-enter Panama! Plus we were still on the crew list of the boat, which was an official document! After 2 hours of messing around, the captin told us that the immigration guy who had the authority to change our passports was in Panama for another 6 days, and we would have to stay on the Island. We agreed, and the captain got back on his boat and left! Yippeee!! That afternoon we spoke in broken Spanish to the immigration police, and got our passports stamped with the right stamp! Oh yeh, and followed up with a small $10 bribe! However, the officers seemed to like us, and offered to cook us lunch! and then invited us back in the evening for dinner! Really funny eh! We stayed one evening and flew back to Panama City the next morning! It was only a half our flight, and cost $40! Bargain! I´m never, getting on a boat again in my life! Especially one called the Esmerelda, now nicknamed the Hell-merelda! We booked our plane tickets to day, and will fly to Columbia tomorrow! Hopefully!