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I'm flying out of Indonesia on June 16, and this likely will be my final blog entry from Indonesia, though I plan to write a long, reflective one when I'm looking back from outside the country.
First, I want to explain the title of this blog. It has a double meaning. The more obvious one is that it's the first half of the well-known saying, "No matter where you go, there you are." But the more important one for me is that it's a line from one of my all-time favorite songs, which I first heard while watching "Northern Exposure" many years ago. Here are the complete lyrics. It's a message that says a lot about how I try to approach the world, and wish that other people would.
Everybody Be Yo'selfwritten by Chick Street Man, performed by Keb' Mo
Now you go downtown
to show your face around.
You got nothin' that you want to hide.
You want to make a friend
just again and again.
You want to wake up feelin' satisfied.
If you take it to heart
you'll make it from the start.
You'll never have to wonder why.
Life is bright
if you look at it right
and that's somethin' that you can't deny.
( refrain )
Everybody's got to live,
everybody's got to die,
everybody's got the right
to feel good inside.
Everybody's got a high,
everybody's got a low,
everybody got to be yo'self
no matter where you go.
Now if you trust yo'self
but nobody else,
tell me where you're gonna go.
Oh, you might as well stay
all night and day
at home wit' your radio.
Now you can take it or leave
but if you don't believe it
it's also very plain to see
that your sister and your brother
no matter what their color
are one big family.
( refrain )
Now if you look in here
and you look in there
and you don't know where you're gonna fit in,
oh you never will
and you won't until
you see it's all the same within.
You'll get the run around
and you're lost and found
but don't be taken by surprise -
it ain't the color of your hair
or the clothes you wear
that put the smile in your neighbor's eyes.
( refrain )
Everybody's got a will,
everybody's got a way,
everybody got to listen
to what everybody say.
Everybody's got a nighttime,
everybody got a day,
everybody got to give,
to give the love away.
Everybody got to stand up
if you're gonna be free.
Everybody got to know how
to live in harmony.
Nananananana,
wowowowowowo,
Everybody got to reap
what everybody sow.
Nanananananana
Wowowowowowo
Everybody got to be yo'self
no matter where you go.
Absolutely the best song I know that nobody else ever seems to have heard of.
I have not written for 5 weeks because (1) my life has been totally routine, and (2) I have been very sick most of the time, just trying to muster the energy and will power to teach my classes and meet my other obligations. It seemed to start as an ordinary cold, then took a sudden turn for the worse which I didn't fully realize until I very nearly collapsed at a wedding, in front of 100s of people. I couldn't breathe and couldn't keep my eyes open. There were a couple evenings when I was mentally completely out of it. For much of the next two weeks I was so miserable that I was literally saying over and over to myself, "Enough! Either let me at least START getting better right now, or just let me die. Please!" But neither happened. Now after a week of very gradual and up-and-down recovery, I'm about 98% back to normal, just a raspy voice left over from a week + of not being able to talk at all.
I know that a lot of people near/at the end of an experience like this write 'top 10 lists' of what they will/won't miss etc. My mind does not work that way. I thought I'd just write about aspects of my life here that I haven't written about yet for one reason or another.
First, my weekly ( or twice-weekly ) walks to the mall. To the amazement and confusion and even consternation of people around me ( who repeatedly insist that they would be happy to give me a ride ), I have persisted all year -- at times even in intense heat and rain -- in walking to and from a mall about two miles from my house, which happens to have my two favorite supermarkets ( I do all of my own cooking/ have only rarely eaten out ) and a place to get ice cream cones. Although over half of this walk is along a noisy, traffic-choked main street with rough sidewalks that require 100% focus on where I set each foot, I look forward to the walk to the extent that sometimes it's the high point of the week. Why? Short answer: the people along the way. Now, even walking the few blocks to and from my office I am always greeted by 20-30 smiling people minimum - neighborhood kids, high school and IAIN students just 'hanging out' in the shade or going to/from class, and vendors with carts and tokos lining the main road. But walking to the mall I pass 100s of people, and most of them seem flat-out delighted to see me again. The first part of my walk is through a twisty succession of back lanes with mostly-rudimentary houses of poor families with lots of kids, who are always out in or next to the lane while the mothers and grandmothers sit back in the doorways. The first kid to spot me coming points and shouts to everyone, "BULE!" and I get mobbed by kids laughing and jumping up and down and following along with me, giving me endless high-fives and pumping my hand forever. Of course I play the clown and and act like the slap of their tiny hands totally knocks me back on my heels, and that their hand-pumping rocks my entire body as if I'm having an epileptic fit. They never tire of it. The women are all laughing and I just wave hi to them. My favorite is a young man in a wheelchair who can't talk but just make noises. He's usually sitting by the side of the lane and when he sees me coming, his smile is so wide I can see it from a half-block away, and he can hardly wait till I get there for me to shake his hand (firm handshake, that's surely not one of his problems! ) and say hi, how are you? etc. I can't remember the last time I saw such a 100%, 'all-in' smile on anyone's face. Even once I get out to the main road I'm passing kids walking home from school or waiting for a bus, who also smile and say hi, and endless ranks of ojek drivers who have long since learned that I'm not going to take them up on their offers of a ride but nonetheless continue to ask, then shake their heads and grin at the crazy bule who insists on striding along despite being drenched in sweat. Even busses and angkots going the opposite direction from me honk as if they are offering me a ride - ? Sometimes I do the walk just for this entire experience, and for the exercise, even though I don't really need to buy any more food. (Well, there's the promise of that ice cream cone too, of course......)
A few words about the supermarkets here. ( first a disclaimer of sorts: few locals go to supermarkets - there are 'wet markets' and small groceries all over the place; the latter charge above-supermarket prices, the former much less especially if you buy in 5 or 10 kilo quantities as most shoppers seem to do ) .Back to the supermarkets: at first glance they are mostly similar to US ones, yet so different close-up. Long aisles of cooking oil in containers of up to 30-40 liters, mostly cheap palm oil. Long aisles of soaps/cleaners of various kinds. Long aisles of 'toiletries'. Long aisles of ready-mix cooking powders and sauces, heavy on the red pepper and MSG, which is almost inescapable here sad to say. Long aisles of cookies ( 'biscuits' here, as in England ) and salty/greasy crackers and chips ( taro, not potato except for occcasional Pringles ) and el cheapo candy except for a bit of imported chocolate at import prices. Long aisles of drinks and drink mixes, heavy on artificial day-glow colors and super-saturated with sugar. Long aisles of powdered milk and baby formula. Long aisles of instant noodles. Stacked out in open areas, humongous sacks of rice and sugar. ( I never bought any white rice all year, mainly because I never saw a package small enough to carry home. Also I get force-fed so much rice here as it is that I want something different, so I buy chewy, flavorful red and black rice, which are sold in small bags.) The differences from the US are first, that if you look closely, you see that most of the 'alternative' choices of each kind of product are virtually clones of each other, all Indonesian-produced but by competing companies.Whichever brand you choose, pretty much you're getting the same thing with a different wrapper. Secondly, there is so much that would be prominent in US markets but which is almost/completely nonexistent here. E.g. almost no breakfast cereal, and what there is mostly candy-equivalent stuff (although you can buy small packages of instant oats ). No or almost no bread, and what there is, is white ( or dyed green -- ?? ). No wheat flour and very few cake mixes - and those that you can find are designed to be steamed, not baked since people here don't have ovens. Virtually no canned foods, and those you see ( fruits, tomatoes ) are at double-triple US prices -- being among the rare imports and hence heavily taxed. Almost no butter or cheese, and what is called 'cheese' is almost inedible for me if Indonesian-made -- and is priced WAY through the roof if imported. There is yogurt, at double US prices. The one brand of margerine available is not refrigerated and is solid at room temperature. NO sugar-free or high-fiber or low/no-fat or healthy-fat foods ( ie with no trans-fats ). No 'organic' choices. No decaffeinated coffee, and mostly just instant coffee with sugar already added. Very few choices in frozen foods, certainly no ready-made meals. Fresh and frozen chicken and beef are available, but in much less quantity and variety than in the US - and at somewhat higher prices. Chicken feet and backs and livers/gizzards are very popular, for soup I guess. Beef pieces - all heavily marbled with fat streaks - seem to have been hastily hacked up with the only concern being the SIZE of the pieces; I never saw anything like a recognizable 'steak' or 'cut' of beef. I've never bought any or even been tempted; usually it's piled loose in open displays, with flies and even birds ( in one store ) landing on it constantly. One bright spot for me is fresh seafood: I can - and do - get super-fresh large shrimp, squid, and several types of fish at very reasonable prices. Eggs are all brown, with intense-orange yolks, and sold 'loose' by weight - as with meat and produce, you put what you want in a baggie and bring it to a scale with an attendant who weighs and prices it. Of course the produce includes some things we seldom see in the US, such as wonderful tropical fruits including super-small, super-sweet bananas and many ( to me ) unrecognizable types of 'greens' for cooking, but overall the variety of produce is less than in US supermarkets. And BTW don't bother buying produce unless you plan to consume it the same day, or the next day at the latest - after that it might literally liquify!; it's harvested ripe and the varieties grown are not chosen for long 'shelf-life'. Overall impression: it seems that just about everyone here cooks the same few things day after day after day using the same few ingredients and seasonings - most of it, except desserts and pastry snacks, being an add-on to 3-times-every-day mountains of white rice. Cost-wise: most local vegetables are 'dirt-cheap' - the only food here I can say that about; otherwise it's US prices or higher. Compared with all the other countries I've lived in -- even Yemen circa 1990, where many foreign foods, plus booze, were smuggled in from nearby Djibouti for the rich expats -- even the Westernized supermarkets here have few imports; it seems the market for them simply does not exist here. Bear in mind that there are almost no expats in Palembang and very few people who have ever lived or traveled abroad or somehow acquired foreign tastes. When I traveled to Bali and other places with some expats, I did find European muesli/granola at $10-12 a package; I ignored the price and stocked up, then 'rationed' myself to make it last. In the same way, I pay whatever I need to for raisins/ US peanut butter/butter etc. to add a bit of variety and familiarity to my diet. Still, all things considered my diet this year has been quite monotonous and fairly unhealthy, despite mostly cooking for myself. Some things that I eat daily at home, I have pretty much gone without here, while I've eaten a lot more fried foods and pastries/cakes (ubiquitous at work and events I attend ) and inevitably white rice. I feel fortunate not to have gained weight, but I don't look forward to my next physical with a cholesterol check, all the more so since except for those weekly walks I just have not gotten any serious exercise, aerobic or otherwise.
OK, a bit about my home life and then I'll stop for now. I've been living in an attractive, modern, modest furnished house next to campus. The best thing about it is the location, since I hate commuting no matter where I live. I live and even sleep ( on a foam mat ) in my living room - mainly because it's the only room with AC, even if the AC is pretty lame. Plus I have a wired internet connection there, and a TV with basic cable ( CNN, BBC, NatGeo ), and my dining table. The tiny kitchen - with no counter space at all; even the fridge is in the LR - is in back and has a sink and a 2-burner gas stove, which is all I need. The main bath is off the kitchen and just has a squat toilet and a big open water tank, which only has a few inches of water in it since anything above that leaks out and I have failed in finding/sealing the leak(s). I dip water out of it with a smalll ladle both to flush the toilet and to take a shower of sorts ( on hot days I may do this several times, as locals do ).Of course there is no bathroom sink or hot water or ( getting totally ridiculous! ) a bathtub - all unknown here. Weak water pressure comes from a tank on the roof, which I need to wake up at 3 am every few days to refill, by turning on a pump outside ( if I wait till I wake up, my neighbors have already taken all of that day's ration of water for our area ). I have a small front garden and a roofed carport, where I like to sit during tropical downpours especially when they come with lots of lightning - best free show on earth, and I never get tired of it. There are 3 cats that hang around and sleep on my steps and don't run away from me anymore, though I don't waste my time trying to get close to them - in Indonesia cats don't expect approaching people to have anything friendly on their minds. Inside my house I see probably 30-40 geckos ( geckoes? ) every day and everywhere, from one inch peewees to full-sized critters that never fail to catch my eye as they zip across walls in a brown blur. The two things about where I live that annoy me are: (1) my neighbors, like many people here, often burn their garbage, and it stinks to high heavens, and - given my 'open' house design - there is no way I can shut out the smell. Or the ash. I have white ceramic tile floors, and somehow dozens of hunks of ash up to a centimeter across find their way far inside the house and stick to the floor like superglue unless I happen to catch them in the first couple hours. Truly, I can clean the floor to be spotless yet two hours later I look around and see multiple new black wads. And that's even when I don't smell any fires burning. I don't want to think about what's happening with all the particles too small for me to see - no doubt I'm inhaling them 24 hours a day. I do suspect that's a major reason for my recent hard-to-shake respiratory problems and my many other lingering 'colds' this year. As I pass fires when I'm out walking, I see and smell plastic bags and bottles as well as other inorganic, toxic stuff amid the branches, paper, etc. Better not to think about it, really. The oddest thing is that people are often standing or hunching directly over these fires - even on the hottest days - as if they WANT to breathe in all that smoke. Maybe they're out of cigarettes and will take any free equivalent available? Or maybe some humans have a primal urge to light and watch fires of any kind, for any reason, wherever they are. 'You can take the man out of the cave, but you can't ......' My other 'pet peeve' is almost nonstop noise. Although I live on what seems to be a minor street, there is continuous motorcycle traffic past my front door except midnight-4 am. They're not Harleys but they sound like Harleys, to me at least. Then ten feet from my back door ( which is only a screen on the top half) and just across a low wall is a rooster that crows nonstop at the top of its lungs the Indonesian equivalent of COCKADOODLEDOO COCKADOODLEDOOCOCKADOODLEDOOCOCKADOODLEDOO ad infinitum. Of course its owners' house is to the front and off to the side, so I doubt they even notice it. I have no idea what practical function this rooster serves for them. On top of this, on weekends, my school's Academic Center/gymnasium - a scant half-block from my home - is often rented out for wedding parties that may start at 9 am and always include monster PA systems jacked up to eardrum-busting, massively-distorted levels for the party-goers to belt out syrupy pop songs karaoke-style, typically more off-key than on-key though the singers either don't realize this or don't care. It is BY FAR the most execrable excuse for 'singing' that I have had inflicted on me in my entire life, to the extent that if possible I will leave the house and not return till I think it will all be over, at least for that day. Finally, and worst of all, on both sides of me people have been doing construction ( or destruction ) all year. In practice this seems to consist mostly of hired laborers with hammers pounding away forever and ever without end on something or other, to absolutely no useful effect that I've ever been able to observe. They bang on masonry walls, they bang on sheets of corrugated metal, they bang on whatever is close at hand. It's as if my neighbor hires a guy and says, "here's a hammer, your job today ( again ) is to just find something to bang on for 8 hours." Seriously, though, I don't want to leave the impression that I have not been happy with my house. Even though there is virtually nothing of "me" in it ( I came here with only 1 suitcase of clothes and books and have bought nothing but food ), it has felt like 'home' for the 8 months I've been in it and I always looked forward to coming back to it in the evenings after work.
After I leave Indonesia I will write at length about my impressions of my school, including students/teachers/my teaching experiences at IAIN and elsewhere this year, as well as my overall perceptions of being an ELF and my impressions of Indonesian culture and society.
- comments
Ben Thanks for having the lyrics to be yo'sef - ONE HIT from google. your site. Amazing. If I sing it today, It'll be fo' you....