Well here we are. Thursday. Day 2. Well actually I'm going to call this day 1 and yesterday day 0 because given it was a barely full day I feel it's pretty hard to make it a full day on the tally. But I digress...
I think you're going to be expecting some sort of exciting post about how this 'reset operation' has somehow fulfilled some of its purpose already and how I'm feeling awesome and amazing. Well, sadly not quite. In fact if I have to be honest the last 24 hours really haven't done much to improve anything. It literally has involved essentially 24 hours of laying on a couch, talking to people and attempting to sleep. Sounds fun right? Given it's essentially what I did at home, not really. But there has been moments of progress which has helped here and there and I'll get to that shortly. It's just tough I guess to fully express my emotions and feelings in context to everything that has happened. It's a difficult situation that won't just go away overnight, which I understand is all part of the 'time will heal all' aspect. But for what 99% of people don't understand is the aspect of how it completely takes over your entire living and how you can't even move let alone get up each day. And for that an easy rebuttal is "well just get up Ben and do something laying there won't help you distract yourself" which is true in concept, but let me put it this way. Think about the sickest you have ever been. I'm talking so sick you can't get of bed. So sick the thought of any food literally makes you want to vomit. So sick that nothing you can do at any point can make you feel better. Well that's what this is like. Except for all purposes people see you and think you're fine. Physically you are. But mentally you aren't. And those 99% I spoke about before will never understand that concept. It's a simple case of "you'll get over it" or "think positive" or "distract yourself". Which I understand they are only trying to help. But I felt it needed some form of explanation to at least try and get that majority to maybe see it another light because while the help is appreciated, it's no different than telling a smoker to simply quit or an alcoholic to just stop drinking.
Anyway, rant slightly over. That's the feeling I'm trying to escape. And sadly a day into this it's not any closer right now. But I mentioned baby steps before yes? Well I guess we should go into a few of those now.
Firstly last night I managed to actually do an episode of one of my podcasts for the first time since February. I host a show on the TV show Survivor with a show called 'Survivor Oz'. I've done so since 2011 and I love it. But I guess I've been on 'leave' since February with a lot of all this stuff that has been going on in my life. So for me to actually be involved in an episode last night was big progress. And it was fun. I literally sat on the couch on Skype on my phone with Noah and Ryan and talked about the upcoming Australian Survivor. So that was good. I then managed to distract myself further by talking to my friend Violet on the phone until late in the night which despite several people in this house wondering if I was sleep talking or not was good for me to do. Ignore the fact that I didn't attempt to sleep till 4.30am and probably didn't fall asleep till 7am. Whoops...
Today then turned into a sleep filled day, well at least until about lunchtime where despite waking up in not the best frame of mind I managed to Skype call a Survivor friend of mine Teresa 'T-Bird' Cooper who competed on the third season of Africa. We had a good chat and she wanted to check on how I was going which was nice and organised a meet up should I make it back over to the States. So that was good. From that point it was a very exciting and fun journey down the street to get some lunch and a few grocery items and relax for the remainder of the day and night where I find myself back laying on the couch, updating this blog and watching 'The Negotiator' which is just a barrel of fun.
I also should update on the fact that I booked my flight for Monday to Merimbula to go stay with my friend Josh which will be good to catch up with him as it's been a few years since I've seen him. And plus I've never been there before so will be interesting to visit there. Oh and I get to fly on a tiny little Rex plane so yeah, we'll see how that works out too.
Long winded entry and rant indeed. Didn't realise I could write this much on a phone and also realise my fingers could get so sore doing so. Is that a positive too? Guess I can try and take that as one...