Start as you wish to continue

Wake up at 7:20 when the bus leaves at 7:30 because you got hammered on buckets of cocktails the night before; try and shower, shave, put in contact lenses, dress and pack in under 10 minutes which leads to bribing a random Thai lady to do up your bag as you sit on it and she frantically swears in Thai whilst using all her (and surprising amount of!) strength to move the zip about an inch; then you forget your socks, thus re-opening the bag and deeming the 10 baht investment (about 5pence, lucky I'm so generous) useless. Then, run downstairs very late, to a pissed off group of people who you've only just met , knowing that you'll spend the next 8 hours hungry, sweaty and hungover on a rickety bus having to listen to Chris Tucker continually screeching ''you crazy man, you crazyyy!'' as the only films the driver has are are the Rush Hour Trilogy!

A great start! Let the adventure begin!

Day 1

Arriving in Bangkok was easy. It's stupidly hot and there is no air so walking out of the hotel is like smashing into a brick wall - a must activity for any hardcore raver. Unfortunately I didn't have time to look around the city as I had to get to the hotel for the tour meeting. However, I got to see Kao San Road from the Taxi which gave me an amazing taste of what will come when I return.

The Intrepid meeting was sound. The Tour guide Lang or Loon or Lout or Bob (we think it changes every day) is an absolute legend: a Cambodian, Khmer nationalist who gets wasted on one Singa and continually recites the glorious history and constant struggle and plight of his people - clearly a Jew at heart! The group is really nice: plenty of Aussies and Kiwis, an Essex lad and Heather from Eastenders just to name a few. Then we headed for a group dinner where a bill discrepancy similar to those Friday nights at TGI's after a show, but since this time there was no Hayley, it took over an hour to sort out! It didn't take me long to sing and play guitar as during the fight with the restaurant I went over the road and had a jam with the local Eric Clapton - Ewic Cwrapton - and busted wonderwall with some drunken English yobs. We then hit Kao San Road for some beer towers and cocktail buckets (see pictures) before getting back to the hotel very late. I then set my alarm very responsibly for 6:45 but had forgotten to change it to Thai Time. The rest is history.

Day 2 - Bangkok to Siem Reap (Cambodia)

As stated, day started with a bang. However, once on the bus with the aircon on, a few Dextrose and the soothing music of my home boi Jay-B (if any of you think I'm cool or something and Jay-b I an R&B star, it stands for James Blunt) I was fine. It took about 3-4 hours to get to the Cambodian border crossing. The crossing felt like something out of Stargate, leaving relatively (I do highly stress the relatively) clean and affluent Thailand and crossing into a new dimension to one of the poorest countries in the world. Cambodia is like a mix between Anetevka, what I imagine to be Eastern and Balkan Europe and India - riding on the bus showed images of absolute poverty, shanty towns, naked children, random fires and famine riddled cattle - a country clearly still recovering from years of political and social injustice. Yet on the way, we stopped of at a stunning silk making workshop with wonderful gardens and a modern day store - a classical meeting of Old and New, East and West, Tradition and Technology - a site of metaphors that would make my old English teacher orgasm.

We arrived at Siem Reap at about 6, at the Victory Guesthouse - a really nice guesthouse with Air conditioning, en suite, a T.V but no toilet paper. Infact they don't believe in toilet paper in Cambodia to the extent that it is rude to touch a Cambodian with your left hand, as this is the hand they use as a paper replacement. Thank God I brought my own paper and my 4 bottles of instant handwash- I told you I'd need all of them Dad! We then went into town for dinner. Siem Reap is very odd, again a traditional microcosm for the class gap, with poor local accommodation alongside epic five star hotels due its location as the nearest city to Angkor Watt. Dinner was at a traditional Cambodian restaurant, with ancient Khmer dancing - to be frank it's no bottle dance! At dinner, Lonk (he's settled on a name) passionately told us the history of the Khmer traditions and the hardships of imperialism and slavery, whilst the food was late and people were singing and getting drunk on cheap wine - being Seder night this made me feel very at home, all we needed was Di di anou and it would be identical to a typical Garsin Seder! We then went to a night market where we got our feeteaten (massaged?) by fish (trust me you have not lived until you try this it's orgasmic!) and I bought some 'real' Burberry sunglasses for 5 dollars. Very tired from our long bus journey and mournful for the fact that our mosquito repellent will eventually kill all of the poor market mans fish leaving him without a job, home or trade, we happily headed back to the Guesthouse for a proper nights sleep.

Tomorrow we go to ancient ruins at Angkor Watt, which should be unbelievable!