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heyyyy,
I've been a bit MIA these days cos my mental sanity has been put to the test in Siem Reap. Possibly the dirtiest and at the same time most charming place I've ever been to!
Whoever said sleeping in Islamic countries is hard because of the 5am call to prayer, clearly has never been sleeping across the street from a Cambodian funeral home.
Bloody funerals start at 4 something am and go on well into the evening. Now I am not sure whether that was the busiest funeral home in town or whether they were honouring the 6 month mourning period for the king's death but F**k me, it was happening every single day and sooo annoying!
I spent my four days in Siem Reap climbing up seemingly infinite and impossibly steep temples ( take that vertigo!!) in the company of an adorable tour guide who cracked me up like no other and enjoyed a deadly redbull-cappuccino combo for breakfast every day. The man barely ever spoke but boy was he gassy! It was constant, I actually more than once, found myself in one of those awkward situations where he'd let an epic burp out and entire tour groups would turn round and flash me evil looks thinking it was me! The shame!
He also enjoyed going for suspicious walks astray, asking me to wait for him on the opposite side of the temple. Gosh, never before had I been asked to standby while someone took a stroll to let one rip. Certainly an experience I'd rather have foregone.
He also harboured a badly disguised hatred for Chinese tourists. He snickered loudly in their presence, and once, very boldly refused to follow a touring group up the stairs because 'Chinese lady they smell too bad and everything going to come up my mouth' -I died, a bit cos of shame, a bit cos of laughter. I swear having a conversation with him was like speaking to a Furby toy, not much grammar but the concept was always properly conveyed.
During these visits I saw 21 temples among which the marvellous temples of Angkor Thom, Angkor Wat and many many more. Some temples, Ta Prohm for example, displayed the crude power of nature as you could see entire walls and vaults torn apart by trees sinking their roots between they rock blocks. These particular temples made me feel like I was part of the disney movie the jungle book. The feeling was probably enhanced by the constant drum playing that could be heard in the background ( God knows where that came from but it was damn scenic and appropriate). I was a bit disappointed because at some point I kinda expected to see king Louis rock up, banana in hand and baby elephants to parade around goofily. I also harboured very strong hopes that a Mowgli-like stud would sweep me off my feet; unfortunately nothing of such happened and my rational side started rather, picturing Shere Khan and Kaa as a deadly duo out to get me. At that point, out of sheer panic and fear of the unknown I started racing up the ruins, climbing endless flights of stairs, balancing on thin wooden beams, I even ran right on top temple's roof. My 'bubbly' guide was surprised to see me so active all of a sudden and asked whether I work out a lot. I said yes... little did he know the gym is now a long lost friend of mine and it was the fear of a cartoon tiger and snake which got me so fired up, and NO I wasn't eager, I was just trying to get out of there as fast as possible.
My Tuk Tuk driver was also an interesting subject, for completely opposite reasons. The boy was stunning. He had perfect all round features, blue eyes and was trim and tall ( basically an exceptional cambodian). I briefly flirted with the idea of taking him back to Italy with me and introducing him to show business. I'm sure if we have been able to host a decade of painfully mind numbing sunday afternoon shows for pensioners with Milton, a Cuban salsa dancer who was marketed as a sexy sexy stud and was actually a blatant banana enthusiast, there would certainly be room for a hottie cambodian somewhere. I quickly abandoned my dream of bringing my exotic cash-cow home with me for obvious visa and customs reasons plus, my suitcase was 8kg overweight already and I really don't need to be dragging around more excess baggage.
By scouting through the shelves of local mini-markets I have made some interesting discoveries: I have become quite the enthusiast of 'angkor beer' which is odd, as I am normally a vodka soda kinda girl, I have also taken up drinking canned Aloe vera sugar-free juices which are packed with 5 kcals and oddly yummy chunks of aloe and aloe jello. I also found out they sell over the counter viagra and tons of medical 'willy' remedies. Very interesting- they must have some serious erectile issues back here!
Btw while here I also ate kangaroo and crocodile, both not bad but not exceptional either. I am told drunks here often eat dog meat as it is cheap ( now illegal thank goodness,but locals know where to source it)- not willing to try that EVER!
I am off now, gonna enjoy a box of Stereos ( which are basically the loser brothers of first world's Oreos) while watching the millionth rerun of Asia's next top model or tuning into asian MTV where all boy bands are moulded after teen heartthrobs. FML right?
Bisous!
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