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Our first stop in Poland is one that I am dreading, but have wanted to do for years. As we pull into Auschwitz I, I'm surprised - it looks deceptively pleasant. It's a beautiful day, and there are trees around the well kept, red brick buildings that stood here as military barracks before the war. From the outside it is only the tall barbed wire fences, once electrified, that hint at the atrocities committed here by the Nazis against Jews, Soviet soldiers and others dubbed by the Nazis to be 'sub-human'.
As hundreds of thousands of prisoners of war walked through these same gates that we are now, they would have read the German words twisted into the iron "arbeit macht frei" or "work makes you free", with little knowledge of what awaited them in what would later be written into the history books as the biggest death camp in Europe. Around 1.3 million would meet horrific deaths here through starvation, hanging, shooting or drawn out suffocation in those infamous gas chambers.
As our guide led us through the buildings, we saw the wooden beds where several prisoners slept, dark starvation cells and standing cells in block 11, the wall where countless prisoners were shot, the gallows where they were hung, and the buildings where cruel, painful and fatal medical experiments were conducted usually on children and especially on twins and triplets. Behind glass windows we saw giant mounds of the hair shaved from their heads, piles and piles of personal belongings - brushes, razors, suitcases, clothing, and the most heartbreaking - the tiny clothing and shoes of children and babies.
And finally we walked through the gas chambers. The dank, dark underground cavities were eerily silent as 40 of us shuffled through, hardly breathing, overwhelmed by thoughts of the fear and suffering of the people brought here. It's impossible not to put yourself in their place - what if it were me, my family, my friends, or the gorgeous children in our life. Our guide commented that Hitler never came to Auschwitz, but Himmler did - and after being shown the end to end murder process, he felt sick. Then he went back to his office, and ordered more chambers built. The cold, calculating evil is beyond belief.
Already drained, we went across to Auschwitz II - Birkenau. Birkenau is massive and looks more like you would expect of a concentration camp - like a hellhole. The difference being that this camp was purpose built - no fancy red brick buildings, just wooden stables and brick sheds with dirt floors and gaps between the walls and the roof. Nothing to protect from the burning heat of sun or freezing cold of winter. Now there is grass, but during the war it was swamp-like with mud that swallowed up rare and precious shoes, and malaria carrying mosquitos. Worse than all of this though, was the constant threat of torture or death at the Nazis' hands - even leaving a work site to go to the toilet would end your life - you would be shot for 'attempting escape'.
Again we were forced to personalize the stories in our minds as we walked along the train tracks where millions of innocent and scared people were transported in cattle cars - crammed in without food or water for up to ten days. We stood on the platform where those still alive were assessed (work able, or not), and then led down the long path walked by women, children, the elderly and sick to their immediate deaths in the gas chambers.
Later on the bus, there was very little discussion as we all silently processed what we had seen. What is there to say? How to possibly describe that experience? We stumble - "it was really good, no well definitely not good, awful, but you know what I mean"...
The three hour tour was overwhelming, gut wrenching, horrific and I probably won't ever want to go again - but at the same time it's one of the best things I've done and I'd recommend it to anyone as an eye-opening, worthwhile and important experience.
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