Its currently mid-semester at Uni and that only means one thing, ALL motivation has been lost. First assignments have been handed in, with mediocre results and its time to start all over again. Only this time it's an open book, in other words do whatever you like but make it good. At this point in time everything counts, no more handing last minute assignments in because it will only reflect badly on me.

This all wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't found myself actually having a life in the last couple of months. Since the return of Uni semester I have been busier than ever with work, study and friends, all of which I believe to have managed well up until now. I need more money, therefore more work. I need to get out of the house and actually do something for myself, therefore I socialise. That leaves only a slight portion of my days to study, in which fact on most accounts turns into house hold chores. Which often gets left behind with the study.

Now for previous years of this three-year degree none of this has been a problem. Lets just say I'm not the biggest workaholic or social bunny and I had the passion for multimedia. What changed this year though is the fact I applied to go on student exchange. This meant, work long hours, because it's all about the more you save now the longer your holiday will stretch out. What I didn't factor in was 'the year of the 21sts'. Being born in 1990 requires you to have a lot of school friends that throw big, extravagant birthday parties that obligates you to buy them a big, fancy present. Knowing fair well when my birthday comes around I will receive only the smallest of gifts because there will be no boozy celebrations.

So the money situation has been growing every so slower than I would have liked, but I haven't hidden in the background of the socialites. Life is pretty good, except for one major problem. The letter hasn't arrived yet. The one major factor that I have been planning the rest of my degree on and my dream may not become reality. To be honest, the chances are high that I will get into Virginia Polytech, but since when is a high chance a 100% positive? They're students who get denied student exchange and what if that person is me. Could I have been doing all of this for nothing, because frankly it has reached the point of no return? If I worked this hard for nothing, I sure as hell am going to go on an extended holiday and would only be too happy to say goodbye to Uni life.

The worst part is not knowing. Playing the waiting game is like playing game of chicken. Do I continue to risk my studies for the money or do I give up while I'm ahead, the questions are endless. I'm happiest at the thought of going away for months at a time and love telling friends and family that I'm going to do something wonderful, its when they ask what if, that all doubt comes flooding back and I'm brought back down to earth. What if? Lifes big question.

I'll just have to wait and see.