Well, we arrived in Darwin to what can only be described as an absolute s*** hole... nothing about this place is remotely attractive, interesting
or worth coming for... complete waste of money... so decided to get out of this place and fly to Perth... off there today... only thing we did
manage to do in Darwin is book all our trips for the rest of Oz. The week consisted off a free meal every night and playing backpacker games
in 'The Vic'. One night Jade was fortunate enough to get chatted up by a lesbian... just about says it all about this dump.

Landed in Perth at midnight and got dropped off in our hostel... there's nothing like trying to make a top bunk bed in a hostel where everyone
is asleep- including the man on the bottom bunk! Anyways, had a good night's kip and spent the next day sorting stuff out for our campervan
trip i.e. route, maps, food etc. hell of an effort but should be worth it in the long run.... getting the campervan in the morning, can't wait to
eat a ton of pasta!

Well, after a little de-tour on the way to our first destination (we got lost within 5 minutes), we finally made it to the Pinnacles in Cervantes...
after about 230km of driving...
was worth it though, it was a national park where in the middle of a desert there were these limestone rocks poking out everywhere, can see
it on the pictures... drove the campervan around the park to get some good pictures and then headed off into Cervantes and it's beach...
well, the only way i can describe this beach is to say it was the weediest beach i've ever been on! Pure white sand underneath it, but above
it was deep weed... turqouise ocean and beaches as far as the eye can see... but more weed than you can imagine! So, we didn't spend long
here... nearly had a nightmare with the petrol for the campervan... filled up and then both of our cards got declined.... s***... had to pull out
another bank card I had and use that.... thought i'd be cleaning cars for a week! Bit worrying for the beginning of our trip! Headed off up
towards Jurien Bay, where the beach
was like a postcard... pure white sand, clear turquoise water... an old git fishing... found a handy lil camping spot here by toilets and showers
and crossed our fingers that we didn't get moved on!

Luckily we didn't get moved.... woke up and had a shower and looked at where to go next... stopped off at a place called Leeman... had a really
nice bay called Dynamite Bay, but all the other beaches around it absolutely stunk of egg (from the weed maybe?) and the water was a filthy
brown colour! Reminded me alot of Queenborough creek... just without the market wearing people jumping into the mud....
So, didn't stop there long... headed North again stopping at a place called Cliff Head... cheese sarnie's and a lay down in the back
for a while whilst overlooking the ocean was the order of the day.... finally got up and motivated and drove to a place called Geraldton... a bit
more like civilasation here... more than 1 shop and we even had phone signal, which was becoming as rare as rocking horse s***... bought
our snorkels here and hunted down a decent place to park for the night... found it- by a lighthouse on the beach, great views... but loads of
aboriginee's around... tried looking for a screwdriver and bolts to bolt things down but all i could find was a bit of blu tac and a plaster... 2 things
going through my head.... a. will we get moved on... b. will we wake up laying on the concrete with nothing around us, apart from a bottle of ketchup?

Well, we woke up in Geraldton and hadn't got moved on... result... and we hadn't been looted by the locals... so we drove down to a perfect
white beach with our new snorkles and jumped into the
ocean... played silly b*****s for a while in the ocean and there went up to have a public shower on the beach... was quite amusing... these
showers are for rinsing off sand... not getting the 5p soap and 10p shampoo out... Jade even got the razor out and was tackling her bikini line...
whilst another boy appeared from nowhere waiting to rinse off his sand... ha. Anyways, spoke to some biker locals and moved on up to our next
destination which was Kalbarri... we stopped off at a Pink Lake... not sure how well it's come out in the photos but it was a pure pink lake... think
it was caused by the minerals in the lake... was underneath hills etc so looked quite nice... then moved on up the coast looking at the cliff
landscape of Kalbarri.... island rock, natural bridge and grandstand cliffs were quite impressive... but my god... the flies... there's a picture on
facebook with the amount of flies on my shoulder... let alone the rest of my body... .there were millions of the lil s***s... in your face, on your
body... everywhere... i suddenly went into girl mode and ran hysterically through the walking track, pushing away ramblers as they approached...
finally stopped and slept in a place called Red Bluff, just outside the town of Kalbarri... full of signs saying 'no camping, fines apply'.... it was
bang on the beach with a dodgy toilet next to us... perfect!

Managed to get away with another night of no campsite... beauty... and woke up to rain and dull weather... not what we need! Pissed us off
quite a bit though, as Australia is built around the weather... no sun... no sea... nothing... decided to leave Kalbarri... went through the national
park and got completly soaked! me and Jade stood there getting a picture of each other whilst getting absolutely drenched! Wasnt until we walked
back did i realise that we were walking underneath huge spider's... have a look at the pictures, evil b*****s! Anyways, jade's awful rain mac
came in handy and i was drenched! Was a good laugh though... finally stopped driving (325km), after what felt like years at a place called Shell beach...
quite possibly the most amazing beach i've ever been too... literally the whole beach is made of shells of identical size... all pristine and white
and the ocean turquise and sea through... drew our names in the shells and chilled out for a bit and then it was off to find a place to park up....
we found it... on top of the highest bluff on the west coast 'eagles bluff', where the wind was gusting more than 100mph.... the van was rocking
for all the wrong reasons.... woke up to the sight of sharks and rays down in the ocean.... and drove early doors to Denham and finally to Monkey
Mia.... arrived in Monkey mia just in time for the feeding of the dolphins.... legged it down the beach and into the water, there was about 20
wild dolphins swimming around our feet.... luckily we got chosen to feed them.... spent the rest of the day chilling out on one of the nicest beaches
we've ever been to, and relaxing on our first peddle boat together... free shower from the camp site (snuck in), result! Then it was back to our
camp spot on the bluff, but this time it was gusting even harder and so we parked on the side of the road.... very scenic!

Next day, woke up really early and got on the move quickly... not only due to the ranger that would fine us if he caught us but we knew we
had a long drive ahead! Stopped again at Shell beach and relaxed for a couple of hours and saw the maddest group of people all in fancy dress
as superhero's.... saw them again at our next stop .... stromotolites! Living fossils in the ocean... just looked like rocks to me and jade... got the
picture and then left... heading for a place called Canarvon... arrived to an absolute ghost town... full of abbo's and a weird man offered us to stay
in a bed in his house... thanks but no thanx
pal.... had dinner on the beach.... and then drove the worst bit of road in the world.... road itself was ok... just at night here, kangaroo's, cows,
goats, anything runs out on you... and also you got the road trains which are 37m long truck that come hurtling past you.... survived 120km
of driving that through the night and ended up sleeping in a motorway layby, with other campers... the toilet had a massive red back spider in
which would've been nasty if nature called... up to this point, I had now realised that the man who is the biggest girl when it comes to spiders, is now
the person who has to check out the toilets for his other half.... a responsibility that I am not pleased about!

Moved on up to Coral bay in the morning, snorkelled for the whole day seeing loads of fish and getting my face burnt... me and Jade shared
a man's public shower.... the worst shower i've seen for a few months... this shower... the plug hole was about a foot wide where it had been
smashed to pieces, there was paint flaking off the walls, there were 3 holes in the wall which lead to outside that had been smashed through, which
now let a gale of a wind through and let everyone on the beach see you, there was this brown scummy stuff around the corners and huge cobwebs
around the tin roof... but was this going to stop 2 of the smelliest and dirtiest people in the Southern Hemisphere... oh f***ing no... freezing cold shower
and the thought of being clean got us through... then we headed on up towards Exmouth to sleep in a real dodgy area
with hill billys and rangers about....

Well, what a night... i decided that the hill billys next to us were a bit dodgy and decided we should move... due to the fact that I could hear 1 of them
with an axe, bottles of beer being smashed everywhere and there s***ty cars doing donuts and wheel spins around our van... so in the pitch black and not knowing where
to go I got Jade out of bed and off we went... all of 1 metre!! Me being a dumbass, completely forgot that we were practically on a beach with no 4WD... so i drove straight
into really boggy sand and the campervan was buried! Completely
bogged in up to the wheel arch! Disaster.... looked at the wheels and they were nowhere to be seen... s***... what to do... 8 hill billys and me and jade stuck...
i walked over to them and saw that one of them was standing there wielding an axe.... completely pissed... terrific...anyways turns out they were
the nicest people i'd likely to meet! Janelle, Brett, Gaz etc. They came over.... with the axe and the traditional uncontrollable dog... got on their hands and knees
and helped me and Jade dig it out... no use though... tried reversing back... nothing.... half hour later, one of them comes back with a s*** load of branches and twigs....
wedges them under my wheels, and then with everyone bouncing the car and me driving we were finally out... now... its not often i wanna kiss a hill billy who's dad
is probably also his brother, and his mum is actually his dad's daughter... but i almost could've.... offered them a crate of beers for when we drove back through, which
they were happy about (surprise surprise) and ended up sleeping in the exact same place that i tried moving from....

Finally, woke up after the worst night's sleep i've ever had... hill billys didnt stop being d*** till around 3am and we were up at 7am... they
went from hero's to nobs in the space of a couple of hours.... anyways... drove into Exmouth early and waited for the i-site to open... used and
abused their toilet... got hardly any info off them for the National Park, and headed off into the Cape Range National park.... stopped off at one
beach and saw huge turtles on the beach and in the shore.... two of them were mating... felt like a pervert... anyways, then
carried on up to the visitor centre... got some good info from a girl about where to camp and where's good to go, and we were off to Yardie Creek....
the only gorge that has water in all year round in the world... huge cliff edges with water full of fish... possibly our first sighting of a shark...
anyways, stopped off at Osprey Bay and saw the shadow of the hugest shark i've ever seen... put me off paddling... and then moved onto Sandy
Bay to watch 4 kite surfers mucking about... beautiful beach, ideal really.... then we headed a bit more south to our camping spot for the night...
absolutely typical this is... had to share a camping bay with 2 hill billys that met in the pub the other night... retards.... they stunk... anyways, weren't as noisey
as the last ones, and woke up to do some snorkelling at the other beaches.... first stop was the oyster stacks.... only could do this at high tide,...
great snorkelling... millions of fish... probably the best snorkelling we've ever done... was staring at some big fish and then some nice coral, when
out the corner of my eye i saw a bloody reef shark coming past us, it was about 4ft... so it was big enough! casually swam past us... we casually swam
the other way... and then like true english, went looking for another... didnt find him again though... so moved onto a place called Turquoise Bay,
where this was a beautiful beach, white sand, turqiouse water, and great snorkelling.... there was a place called Drift Snorkel, which was a very
dangerous and strong current that you walk to one end of the beach, wack your snorkelling gear on, get in and you get out at the other end of
the beach, with no swimming involved... well, what an experience that was... me holding on to jade as she didnt have any fins on her, we were
happy snorkelling along, when out the corner of our eye we saw a 7ft/8ft shark coming our way.... we both froze and let him swim by, then we pretty
much walked on water to get back in.... he looked full though, so we lived... ended up going back onto the beach for a bit more sunbathing
and turtle spotting... showed jade one and she got nowhere near it.... ha. Off to lakeside, where Dr Marcus came out where jade cut her foot open...
then it was off to our camp for the night... ned's camp and a very windy spot!

Woke up at Ned's camp... hell of a windy night and morning, and went to the i-site... managed to get the laptop charged for an hour, whilst
we went to Lakeside beach... Jade went snorkelling but i couldnt be arsed... she said there were hardly any fish... so wasnt worth it anyway...
woman in the i-site that the weather was turning bad and that snorkelling would be too dangerous, so we decided to head out of the Cape Range
National Park and go for our much needed shower in Coral Bay... you wouldn't believe this though... filling up our petrol for the massive drive
ahead, when behind me pulls up a car... had a casual look and it only turns out it was the bloody hill
billys that we encountered when we got stuck in the sand... s***... we said we'd drop some beers off for them as a gesture... s***.... they went the other way...
so i floored it back down the highway.... 15mins later there in my rear-view mirror.... they overtook me, gave me the thumbs up and went off
down another road... suddenly the campervan got alot quicker! Drove into Coral Bay for a quick sunbathe and into that dodgy shower again and we were soon
showered and smelling of roses... or just cheap shampoo... we
were all prepared for the mission of a drive ahead! Slept at Miliyina road house.... a muddy track off the side of the road... full of snakes and spiders,
would love to bring kids here. (Basically, up to this point... we had driven 2200km in 9 days... and we had to drive about 1500km to get down to the bottom
of the south west, so it means about 9 hours of driving for 2 days straight)

Woke up in the Miliyina guest hose and started our mission of a drive.... drove 150km to Canaravan where we stocked up on supplies, did
some washing up and then left driving 200km before stopping for lunch... Jade took over the driving for a couple of hours and we changed back
over at Geraldton, where I drove another 150km to our sleeping area... the side of the highway with another campervan... full of flies!

Well, one of the most boring days of travelling so far continued... we woke up and literally just drove, drove and drove... stopped for a quick lunch, but drove
750km in one day... stopping at one of the best i-sites known to man, where these two sweet old ladies gave us free tea and biscuits... must've
seen the state of us and felt sorry for us! Ended up camping in a lay by on the side of the Albany Highway... with some fellow campers... a french couple,
who, as soon as we arrived got back in their van and weren't seen again... something we said... something we smelt of? who knows.... anyways, a real
dodgy tuna and pasta was soon made (turned into fish soup... not sure what Jade was playing at there) and then we were off to bed...

Well, what a day... woke up in the morning, french were still there... drove to Progrannup National Park to see a tree in a rock... exciting... and
then made it into Albany... found a really helpful woman.... filled up with drinking water and did the tourist drive to Middleton beach and around
the coast, stopping at a natural bridge (one of my favourite spots in Oz), the gap, blow holes that we couldnt be bothered to walk to as they werent
blowing, salmon holes (which was a beautiful beach, big sea) and then to an old whaling station.... finally drove to our camping spot, called
the 'cosey corner' and had a nightmare... chatting away to this old couple... went to have a shower in a typical outdoor beach shower.... which, again, is
only supposed to be used to wash sand off... and not wash every crevice, whilst being surrounded by loads of people having lunch and we came back to find that our campervan
had been broken into, a bag left with an austrian's man passport etc in and some of our stuff missing... not good... got the police round, who really didnt
know what they were doing... the man officer seemed a bit slow and the woman talked to us about her dog... hmmm... anyways, gave
a statement and then went to sleep... strange day... our van broken into, but someone else's stuff in there....

Anyways, managed to wake up without getting broken into again, which was a result in itself... and started a day of treating ourselves... firstly, drove into a place
called Denmark... I thought I had left the country...
where this area is literally full of winerys..... so off we went to the first one with free wine and cheese tasting.... bought a cheese platter for Jade
which she was really happy about and then drove to National Park where we saw the Green pools (See the photos), this is probably
where the most embarassing moment for me of the whole trip happened... i was dieing for a wee... no toilet in sight... so had a look around, got
jade to check behind this huge rock where i was about to go... she said it was clear... wacked out the old boy... then noticed out of the corner
of my eye... an old couple on deck-chairs to my right, about 10m away by a rock... looking straight at me, old boy in hand... i could've died...
did the unthinkable and stopped and literally tip-toed at pace along this beach where there was literally no where to hide! Nightmare! ha.
anyways then we headed to a place called elephant rock...
which looked nothing like an elephant at all... see the photos and make your own mind up... then we drove to a free honey ice creamery
and wine tasting shop... literally done 6 shots in a row of that and then it was off to drive to a toffee factory...
where i literally abused the free samples on offer... also it had these dips with bread which i also re-fueled on... lovely... and then we had the
best ice cream known to man.... crushed strawberries and raspberries with vanilla ice cream.... soon back on the road to Walpole where we
went to the Valley of the Giants... where all the trees are 50m+ and the National Park had built a 40m walk way around it.... did the walk... bit
windy and rocky but was worth it... and then back on the motorway to sleep in the forest (oh before that we did the most pointless scenic drive
to a river which looked like coffee rolling over rocks... s***e)....

Woke up in the forest... pretty much spent most of the night awake though due to the heavy rainfall... sounded like stones being thrown onto our
roof! Anyways, drove to Pemberton... where the weirdest woman in an i-site... a bit like Hayley Cropper.... huge hands, deep voice and basically
a man... although she claimed to be called 'Leeanne'... mmmm... anyways, had a huge cake here... not much else to do here, so we drove through
the rain until we got to Augusta... things are much closer together down here so didn't take too long... straight into the i-site as always and then
off to the famous lighthouse where the indian ocean and the southern ocean meet... bloody windy and cold... got the photo and then left to
see skippy rock... i couldnt see no kangaroo, so it was off back into town and to the Jewell Cave... pretty spetacular cave, 40m underground....
500 steps later and a load of stalagmites and stalactites we were back out on the surface... treated ourselves to fish and chips in a chippy owned
by a bloke from Manchester... then it was off to find our 'free' camp-spot... nothing is ever dull here though.... completely missed the
turnoff for it... i reckon it didnt exist.... and ended up in a paying campsite... well, we had a plan... get in late with no person on the gate... and
get out early in the morning before he/she starts work....

well... what a morning... set the alarm for 6am so that we didnt have to pay the £4 camp fee... tight arse... went slightly out the campsite and down
the hill onto an edge of a cliff and stayed there for half hour... ranger turned up, thought we'd camped there for the night and was going to fine
us... terrific... managed to get us out of it... drove on into Margaret River and had a nose around town... stocked up on essentials, also where
one of the funniest (for me) and most embarassing (for jade) thing happened... she was busting for the loo... women's was full, so she snuck into
the men's... did the business.. but guess what... it didnt flush... ha ha.. she could hear men outside waiting... so she quickly opened the door and
ran.... hid in the footwell of the campervan and got me to drive off... i was creasing up! ha. Anyways...
then we headed to the world famous surfing beach. Pretty cold weather... had a lil walk around the beach,.. had a lil surf and then had the coldest
outdoor shower known to man.... back in the van to Dunsborough (totally pointless)... nothing there and nowhere to park... so ended up driving
to Busselton, where we treated ourselves to a full domino's meal and the cinema 'rock'n'rolla'... lovely! Then hopefully parking in a carpark for the
night.

Woke up in the car pak and the weather wasn't too great, so we had a little walk around and then decided to drive to a place called Bunbury to look for dolphins, ended up snoozing for the whole afternoon... and then drove onto a place called Mandurah where we slept in the equivalent of Tesco's car park...

Well, the next day... what a day... drove into mandurah walked around the town and done some shopping... got back in the van and was just pulling out of my parking space in the car park.... nothing was coming... half way out... and all of a sudden an old man comes reversing back at speed and hits into the side of us... nightmare.... got out, luckily no damage and the poor old fella was shaking like a leaf... ended up driving off and found one of the biggest wonders of the west coast.... a hot shower... used and abused that and then drove through Rockingham, Scarborough and finally up to Yanchep where we slept for the night on the side of the road...

Woke up in the morning, surrounded by fellow campers... was amazed at seeing 4 blokes fit into the smallest tent i've ever seen.... honestly think that
i built bigger tents in my front rooms with the sheet over the sofa's and the pillows for the floor... anyways, pretty much jumped out of the van and shut
the doors in record time really... the flies were a joke... i'm not joking, as soon as you open the door, there is about 30 flies on your face and everywhere
else... was this normal... was it because our hygiene is questionable? Who knows.... anyways, was back on the road driving into our final destination- Lancelin.... had a result here... unfortunately we wanted to sandboard in Kalbarri but, as i said earlier, the weather was s***e, so it wasn't on... anyways, Lancelin did
sandboarding and even better than that... the sun was hot and it was $150 cheaper than Kalbarri... you beauty... so we hired our boards and went off into the huge sand dunes... the sandboards were the same as snowboards... jade pretty much sat on it and flew down the dunes... she did try standing up, but spent more time on her arse than she did moving, ha! I managed to get the hang of it, although on the last attempt I literally went flying face first into the sand... whilst a south african family next to us found it absolutely hilarious! ha. Anyways, we gave the boards back... totally covered in sand at this point and hit the beach for a few hours... needed to top our tans up, due to the weather being s*** over the past few days.... made dinner whilst watchin the sunset and then drove out of town to a layby that the ranger couldn't move us on from... en route we picked up 2 pissed ozzie's who wanted a lift to the pub, we obliged... quite funny really... they opened the side door to see a bed and there reaction was priceless.... they couldnt believe that the tiny van we had, had a double bed a people lived in it.... ha...

Woke up loving the layby on the A249... or the equivalent... just without the sound of a Nova up your arse... and got out the van and was typically engulfed by 2000 flies... jumped in the front and was off back into Lancelin... found a great surfing beach, so we stopped there for the morning and watched the surfers... decided to go to another beach to relax for a while... pretty much all we did for the day really.... too lazy and feeling a bit worn after what we had been doing over the last 20 days... so end of the day we drove back to our spot on the A249 equivalent and camped for the night....

Well, woke up on our last day in our layby with the compost toilet, and drove down to Yanchep National Park... lovely weather, so laid by a lake and sunbathed for a bit, whilst watching Koala's in the tree's around us... then it was time to sort out the van and put everything away for giving it back... will we get our full deposit back,..... a few drops of nutella onto the windscreen to dry (so that it hides the chips and the cracks in the windscreen) looks as good as new....

no problems, full deposit back... walked back to our hostel, recharged, washed and sorted everything out... and then tomorrow we're moving to Scarborough for Jade's Birthday...

All in all, been a quality 3 weeks... full of drama, stories and constant laughing... would do it all over again, just without the compost toilets!

Highlights... Monkey Mia and the dolphins, Exmouth and the sharks and snakes, Lancelin for the sandboarding, and Coral Bay for the snorkelling...

Funniest and embarassing moment: being stuck in the sand and me nearly urinating on people in a national park and jade blocking the sewage system in Margaret River!

Anyways, another long one I know... but fills in the bits i miss out when i talk to you all...

Keep in touch,

97 days till i come home... how quick has that gone...

Much love,

Marcus xx