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Hi guys

Well what an interesting few weeks in Lusaka. I don't even know where to start.

As I left off before I am meeting some amazing people here. Everyone is friendly, open and generous. Settling here for some time seems more and more a good idea.

Professionally it's been a rollercoaster ride. The hotel consultancy work died at the first hurdle. The owner just decided after offering me the role to not return my calls, messages and not show up for meetings. He is well liked and respected but I found out from other people that he has done this many times……very very frustrating as it gave me enough financial security to stay here and look for the long term options.

Its a random place this town. Every time you go out and meet someone of interest or who is interested in you. After the low of loosing the job and struggling to find an alternative I met a couple of guys who were property developers working on a prestige real-estate project out of town. Both were Zambian but educated in London. So we get talking and they know a lot of the places I have opened and managed. They mention that they have a club and leisure facility that they are developing to cater for the residents of the 400 acre plot as well as the surrounding areas. 'Would I be interested in having a look'…..does a monkey like to scratch his nuts. So I say yes and off I go out of town and drive into the most beautiful setting with a club house that can house a restaurant and bar along side 2 swimming pools shaded by huge 300 year old trees. The site sits on a hill over looking the woodland where a river runs through but has separated into crystal clear turquoise pools that you can swim in. They call them the monkey pools as the monkeys that live near by come to bath in them (I should be right at home). Anyway, huge potential with difficulties but the important thing is they have offered to finance my proposal if they think it will work. So that's keeping me busy in the short term otherwise it might be back to blighty if I cant get my funds up. Can you believe I still have not been paid by my last employer……b******. I have skipped a blog which you will get ASAP but I need payment before that character assassination goes public.

Anyway I am still getting to experience Africa. I went to my first Zambian (I should say Bemban as that is the tribal ritual that happened). What an amazing experience. I can't really say it was the wedding as there are 5 days of ceremonies. This one was for the family of the bride to bring food in for the groom to try to demonstrate the skills she has as a wife and that he will be fed well (I wish I had that with my first wife, it could have saved me a marriage and divorce). Anyway the bride is not allowed to come to this ceremony but the family (30 women) bring enough food for all the guests…..500 on their heads in traditional clothing singing with drums being played in the background. It was an incredible sight to come of the main road and walk into a wall of red, yellow, blue and green dressed woman all with giant cooking pots on the head. I went with Mwaba whose cousin was the one who was getting married along with 2 guys from the Wall Street Journal who are friends here. We were warmly welcomed and I was allowed to take photos (see album) whilst the matriarchs explained what each part of the ceremony meant to us. All the men in the groom's family sat in arm chairs whilst the woman came in on presetion to present the pots of food. Singing and dancing then took place. I won't go into every act but each small thing like introducing the grooms family was with music and dance. The representative of the wife presented the food but could not touch the food as it had been prepared by the wife to be, so with drums and singing the food was unwrapped from cloth with her teeth……….an odd site and then yes you guest it more music and dancing. There must have been 40 different dishes which were all lined as a buffet for the guests to eat. I tried everything I could include insects, dried fish heads and something called meat but I don't believe it , I have to say that I avoided offal as it still looked raw and saw guests chewing and pulling on it like a rubber tire. My sights were on the hog roast sizzling away in the garden unfortunately when I got there it was still raw and although the wedding guests did not mind I thought a bought of diarrhea and vomiting would not be the highlight of my stay. It was a great atmosphere and everyone knew each other and welcomed my and my friends the only 'masungu' (white people) there with open arms.

I keep remembering silly little things that I should write down when they happen. At the gas stations you never get out of the car, everything is done for you. So I am in the car with Alice and Mwaba on our way out for a drink. Alice drives in at 40 miles an hour cuts up 2 cars pulling off the main road and drives at the garage attendants like she is on a kamikaze pilot or something and I am freaking out. She skids to a halt a few feet from one of the guys who looks like he just crapped himself. Well 10 guys come running over waving hands and shouting and I think this is itI am going to get lynched until they all run to alices window smiling and hi fiving. The crazy driver does it as a joke every time she comes in to see who will run and who has the balls to stay still……this is a senior manager at a local bank, or should I say loco bank if there like Alice……….who is great by the way. "fill the tire up" she says to the guy which is running flat. So a few minutes later I can still hear hissing and I am thinking its no that flat. I then hear PING PING then an almighty BANG. He blew the tire up. The car dropped 6 inches, dust flew from the exploded tire and the girls….me thinking would scream…..just laughed. Alice popped her head out, looked at the tire, looked at the guy who just crapped himself for the second time and said"get the spare out of the back" and just giggled. I love this country. We left the car with the guys, went for a slice of pizza and ten minutes later we were off. By the way Alice car is called'The Death Trap' due to its ability on random occasions to not have breaks (don't even ask me to tell you the story of Alice driving towards, into and through a shopping arcade with no breaks).

I was out at my now local Portico. Owned by 4 Italians its very Ibiza on a budget but a great crowd go there so its always fun. I was there a couple of night's ago on Mwaba's birthday. We hooked up with a friend with some great people. A couple called Michel (Italian not the pansy French) and his beautiful Indian wife Shamila who Michel saw for the first time and said he would marry her the moment he saw her. 3 days later he proposed and weeks later they were in Rome getting married…….i know I am soppy but I love those stories. They now have a child together. Michele came to Zambia on business and never left. A story I have heard 10 times. The people I meet who have done this all look at me a smile as they say they see the same in me …..lets see, I cant do it on love and drink alone. We also met Massimo and Melody. What a story they have to tell. Massimo bought 27 years ago 400 square kilometers of peninsula on a beautiful lake in Zambia. He built an airstrip for his planes so he could get in and out and with the help of his wife he spent 20 years building the most exquisite, beautiful awe inspiring safari lodge I have ever seen ( www.kotakota.com ). We all proceed to get drunk, laugh and giggle and by the end of it I am invited for a free holiday next weekend at his place as he wanted my advice on things as he was getting too obsessive about detail. I said well what your customers think, he said they don't have any yet, they have not finished it………after 20 years. Please look at the web site its amazing. I have also been asked to bring a group of my friends from the UK out for a free holiday to trial how it runs………getting begging now guys!

So its bank holiday weekend and time to have fun……………..no. My bank ballsed up my transfers so I have no money until next Thursday. Bloody typical I think Lusakan generosity will only go so far so I think I am going to get a fit of cabin fever. I need to seduce a wealthy woman who will look after me……..nope that takes money. Oh and what I failed to mentioned whilst you all sun it up at Wimbledon in 30 degree heat its15 degrees here, cloudy and miserable. Now I never planned to be in Lusaka so I have no smart clothes and certainly no warm clothes. I think I might ask for humanitarian aid from Oxfam or something. Good job I inherited some of my lovely fathers Yorkshire cold proof blood……….he used to work down a coal mine you know. He used to have to eat coal and s*** charcoal to keep the fire burning and keep us warm, that's Yorkshire men for you, hard as nails…………………..and full of s*** but thanks anyway dadx

Ok your probably bored by now so until the next time readers

Ciao Biatches