Well folks, today is a very special day...for today is the first day - possibly since we arrived in Peru eight weeks ago - that Becky has not tripped up! Oh yes, no matter where we are, or what footwear she is wearing, almost without exception Becky will stumble in the most embarrassing way every single day. Bless. Thought you all ought to know.

Though that is a gem of information in itself, it is of course not the inspiration for this blog. Firstly, on behalf of Bex and myself, "sorry!" for being crap with uploading photos and updates lately. It must be annoying seeing some photos and not knowing where the heck we are or what we´re doing in them, but we have been insanely busy for the past two weeks - will explain all in a mo - and also ´God´hates me - i shall explain thus...

If there is one piece of self-observation i shall take home with me it is this: i have absolutely NO PATIENCE with technology. Grr, it makes me so mad just thinking about the fact that before you know it, with one accidental click of a button everything can be erased forever with no recovery and no idea what the heck happened [by the way, as friends and family you are obliged to read my rant whether you want to or not, so brace yourself]. Firstly, without even realising it until the next day i deleted all my photos from my camera. Fortunately I had ben putting most of them on memory sticks. Then yesterday one of my USB sticks disappeared without a trace long with my precious precious memories. The only saving grace is that i have lovingly and religiously stored the quality photos on this blog (so god help the makers of this site if it ever goes down or disappears - a stern letter shall be written!). Now i fully appreciate that these two unfortunate incidents are entirely my own fault and technology is great blah blah, but when you have sat in an internet cafe for hours on end painstakingly uploading photos for all to see, or writing a blog of spontaneous anecdotes when the computer freezes and all completely disappears with no reason apart from the fact that the computer has decided that enough is enough and it no longer wishes to upload the photos of stupid humans who don´t even know how to treat a computer properly and it would rather be out having its own great time, then i get rather irate (as Becky can testify) and i´d rather put my fist through the screen* than upload one more photo. So you can sympathise that wasting my ´out having fun´time is not really top of my list at the mo. However, here i am again and now i´ve got that off my chest i can breatheeeeeeeee.

* I´m not an angry person by nature. I don´t need anger management. I wouldn´t put my fist through the computer screen. That is wrong and it would hurt.

Oh yeah i also left my trainers in a hostel in an oasis in the middle of the desert. That was annoying. (note: no fists were flying). Looking on the bright side (yes there is one) I am no longer vomiting and have not had to utter the words "pollo a la plancha, por favor" in over a week (literally chicken and rice...yum).

So, back to the real reason for this blog ... as we´ve been away the past two weekends on mini-adventures, this will no doubt be a bumper edition, so prepare yourselves, get a cup of tea (which we brits know makes everything alright), sit back and relax.

Where to start? Some of you may have seen photos of mucho sand...let us explain. The weekend before last we found ourselves (well, we took a bus there really) in one of the driest deserts in the world. Yes, the world! The 17 hour-long bus journey took us to Ica, and from there a taxi to Huacachina - a beautiful oasis in the desert (the new home of my trainers). In contrast to the tranquility of the oasis, we spent the afternoon careering around the dunes in a buggy with a driver (of sorts) who made it his mission to discover how loud Becky could actually scream. It turns out - very loud and high pitched! This experience was interspersed with short sessions of hurling ourselves down the dunes on a thin, slightly waxed piece of wood...a.k.a. sandboarding. SOOOO much fun and plenty of adrenaline pumping. Along with rowing on the little lake and sunbathing beneath the palms, these activities are the main reason to visit Huacachina...and well worth it. After bringing half the desert back in our pockets we enjoyed a freezing cold shower in the ´hostel´(deemed a party hostel, although the only partying we saw was a one-man show by a drunk Peruvian who attempted to have a conversation with me and completely failed...completely!!!) From there, the bus to Nazca the following day which was pretty uneventful...as is Nazca itself. Consisting of one street of shops and hostels and a tourist information shed (it is actually a shed , we have photos for proof) there was little else to do except wait for our flight in a little Cessna plane the next morning. The pilot flew us over lines/figures on the desert planes (made by Incas, or possibly aliens as some like to suggest) which was pretty cool to see. And as a special treat, considering we all kept our breakfast down, the pilot helped us feel gravity by letting the plane do whatever it wanted for a second...like being on an unpredictable rollercoaster - but better. To fill time in the afternoon, we took a trip to an ancient Inca cemetery (as you do on a lazy Sunday), which was deserted. Our tour guide took great interest in Becky´s ´long femurs´as he attempted to demonstrate the gender of a particular mummy. Unfortunately, he failed to realise that British women can often be taller than men and just made himself look really stupid and small. Continuing to dig himself a hole (a small one) he attempted to be chivalrous and allow Becky to sit in the front of the car, considering that her long legs needed more room. Unfortunately for him his choice of English words were not the best and "taller" was replaced with "bigger". This was the point of no return for Becky, who of course took offense, leading me to explain to the poor guy that in England "bigger" suggests "fatter". This is where a normal person would backtrack, apologise, explain....instead the silly idiot attempted to compliment Becky by professing to prefer "bigger" girls. Swiftly ending the conversation to avoid a bust-up, we drove back in near silence.

After another 15 hours in the bus back to Cusco, we arrived in the early hours and crawled into bed for much needed sleep...something of which we got little of for the remainder of the week. Being so religious here, there are often fiestas and festivals resulting in noise pollution right outside our window at highly inconvenient times (how dare the Peruvian nation be so jubilant). We have, to be fair, done some partying of our own this week, which may have contributed to our lethargy. Particularly Wednesday evening, starting in a pub quiz at our regular and moving on to our first acquaintance with a Reggae bar called Roots. We stayed out a little longer than intended, but being the troopers that we are still made it to our placement at 9am, after three hours sleep. poor kids.

Then the next night was spent on another bus from Cusco to Lake Titicaca. We were unreliably informed that the bus was direct to Copacabana (the Bolivian side of the lake), so you can imagine our astonishment when we pulled up at Puno bus station (on the Peruvian side) for a freezing cold three-hour wait in a a s***ty cafe, whose menu was translated so that ´steamed trout´ became ´trut to the vapor´... god only knows what ´sweater gives trout´was. Needless to say, we didn´t find out! Instead i had my first chamomile tea - rank - and Becky had luke-warm hot chocolate. After a long wait during which we had to pay to catch diseases from a horrible toilet, we embarked on the next leg of our journey crossing the border into Bolivia! So exciting!

We made it to Copacabana, with a healthy supply of salt and vinegar pringles - you just can´t get them in Peru - and caught our boat to Isla del Sol just after lunchtime. At 3800 metres above sea level, climbing the Inca stairway to the hostels was fooking nackering (Becky´s words, not mine, i wouldn´t swear). Liz is a liar. I was robbed of my keyboard just now, but i think you know who to believe. There we met the most unfriendly Bolivian woman...ever. But we still stayed in her hostel as the view was beautiful and the rooms free of any visible infestations. However, the shower was freezing and the toilet dídn´t flush. And the following morning there was a complete lack of any source of water at any temperature at all, which was a pleasant surprise. Fortunately, the sunrise (which we awoke at 5.30am for) made up for it. Wrapped in our blankets and duvets (and me with my incredibly fashionable ´Zippy from Rainbow´socks inside my sandals - don´t forget my trainers are having a great time in Huacachina) we braved the arctic atmos to view the night sky. Then just as the Bolivian locals were getting up to work, we went back to bed. ha. ha.

Spent the morning on the island before catching a boat back to the mainland and getting our next bus to Puno (on the Peruvian side). Puno was a s***hole. The end. No, really, it was pretty bad. We met a Swedish guy on the bus who was travelling alone and decided to tag along with us to a hotel we found in that good old lonely planet guide. The hotel looked promising with furnished rooms and hot showers all day! What a treat! We even managed to find a cute little pizzeria playing power ballads...oh yeah, the power ballad fists were out in full force! Will demonstrate when back in the UK. However, on our return to the hotel, we found it securely locked and barred for the night. After a few moments of sheer panic Becky resorted to banging on the door in an aggressive fashion. Luckily we roused the hotel manager who let us in to our soft, warm beds. The following morning this same manager no longer seemed like the welcoming host of the night before, when Annabel and Mel discovered that while at breakfast, they had been robbed. After much deliberation, discovering that the culprit could possibly have been a drunk member of staff, Annabel argued her way into securing the return of the money...or at least a reimbursment.

A little later than planned we set off for the famous Islas Flotantes de Uros (floating islands on the lake) with the Swede still in tow. Although more touristed than the Bolivian side, they were still interesting to visit. It felt weird to walk on them as they are made out of reeds that grow in the lake...not sure if they are the same ones we ate or not. Yes, we ate a reed. A reed! Unsurprisingly tasted of grass and water. Then we took a ride in a boat made from reeds...again unsure of the edible quality of said reeds. Three islands later we returned to Puno (having been almost molested by a cute three year-old Peruvian on the reed boat - not as bad as it sounds, just wanted to put his hands up my shorts and look down my jumper) and thought lunch would be a good idea....but no.

How can we even explain this restaurant? It was without doubt the worst ´restaurant´for food and service and atmosphere we have EVER been to. We were immediately worried when Mel walked in on the waiter having a wee, with the door wide open. We soon realised that he was two pennies short of a pound, two bricks short of a wall, two sandwiches short of a picnic and a retard. After writing our own food order we waited an ice age for anything to arrive. However, the Peruvians on the surrounding tables, who arrived about a millenium after us, all got their food and drink in good time. Any attempt to converse with the staff could be equated to talking to a brick wall...we´ve never been blanked so many times before. Mine and Becky´s food never arrived (well, some food did, but not what we ordered), but this was probably a blessing in disguise having seen what the others got. Despite being charged for our meals, we didn´t eat anything and certainly didn´t pay. No apology, no explanation, nada.

Sadly, our second attempt at lunch was pretty disgusting too. Becky´s pasta tasted "like it was from a tin" and i didn´t eat enough of mine to identify the flavours. By this point, the thought of waiting in Puno until our 10pm bus was unbearable. Although we had already paid for our ticket home, we were more than prepared to pay again just to get the hell out of there! We were so happy to be going home, despite the fact that we paid extra for a bus with a toilet (that was locked and remained so for the entire journey). So let us set the scene...

The odour can only be described as a cross between a butchers shop and a zoo. Which is probably because there were bags of live guinea-pigs present and plenty of the Peruvian ladies still wore meat-stained aprons. Even if the toilet had been open, it was impossible to reach as a plethora of Peruvians, their children and their mantas (all their wordly belongings held in a large piece of cloth tied to their backs) obstructed the aisle. We were the only white people on the entire bus and it was clearly a local service as it stopped a thousand times (i didn´t count but that is a rough estimate) to let people on and off. We finally arrived in Cusco an hour and a half after the scheduled arrival time - Peruvians are so laid back and they lie - to be greeted in our home plaza by one of the aforementioned festivals. Just what we needed for a good nights sleep before Kindergarten the following morning. But we were glad to be back and if we´d got our planned bus would have still had another three hours to go.

Speaking of the Kindergarten... quick update: year three still has no teacher so i´m left to my own devices quite often. But all good practice. And i love the little b*****s. Genuinely, Becky and I are going to miss them SOOOOOO much. Tomorrow we are starting classes de musica with the musical instruments we bought for them last week. Will take lots of photies and let you all know how it goes.

We´ve been in the internet cafe about a year now and right after i had my rant the computer crashed (just to prove a point) so the first bit has actually been re-written. Now it is time for food before we lose the plot, so well done if you´ve made it this far...pat on the back etc.

Hopefully we won´t have to leave it this long before our next installment. Sorry again for lack of photos. I know some of them didn´t show up but i´m dealing with it emotionally and will try again soon.

Lots of love as always,

Liz and Becky x x x x x x