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So, the blog site weaves photos into each entry, and since I have no pictures of this day, I decided to do something that a lot of movies do at the end - throw in some out-takes and bloopers. These will have nothing to do with anything in this entry. Most are my learning how to take selfies (it took a while). Enjoy :)
I left the hotel this morning before sunrise - it was a quick taxi to the airport. I took out the 2 black garbage bags and strips of duct tape I saved for Bubba's big trip home. I wrapped him up carefully and sent him on his way down the conveyor belt - the airline agent caught me waving goodbye to him and gave me a look. Safe travels, my friend.
The flight seemed short - I was back at O'Hare in no time. I surprised Tom by sneaking up on him (he was anxiously looking at the doors I was supposed to come out of, if not for my orange mishap and time consuming agriculture detour where they threatened to fine me $500 for my citrus contraband - yeesh). He was sure a sight for sore eyes and looked great (and so clean!). I looked (and possibly smelled) like I needed a shower - a LONG one :)
As we drove home from the airport, I asked Tom - why all the traffic??? He looked at me funny and said traffic was actually really light today. Makes sense - I hadn't been in a car more than a couple of times and only for a few minutes at a time over the last month, and never near a major metropolitan expressway. It was overwhelming.
Actually, many things were overwhelming. Living with so little for so long, throwing out/giving so many things away - being down to the bare minimum, and alone the majority of every day, I was a bit in shock with my surroundings. So many distractions, so many possessions, so many clothes, space, food, etc. Even TV and music seemed too much.
Then it seems I had contracted the "Camino Blues". This is a term I heard on the bus on my way to Santiago with all of the returning pilgrims. Those that had done a Camino before said they were not looking forward to leaving, as they would get the blues and want to be back. I thought, there's no way I'm getting that - I was happy to be going home - I have a wonderful and happy life - great health, great husband (correction - a super great awesome husband - per my "editor"!), great family, great friends, dogs, home, job, etc. But there definitely is something about "re-entry" that makes you long for the Camino - the quiet, the sights, the physicality, the minimalism, the accomplishments, the simplicity. You come back and everything is the same here - except you ;) It took a while to get back in the groove - but still find a way to incorporate what I learned along the way.
I'm getting there! Here are a few of the things from my journey that I am trying to incorporate into my life today:
Just follow the arrows. I began in Porto and had NO idea where I was going. I simply followed the arrows. It was so comforting to see the next one and know you were going the right way. Sometimes, I would have sworn I should have turned right when it pointed left. But the arrows didn't lie - they gave me a clear direction of where I needed to go and they got me all the way to Santiago (and beyond). Now that I'm home, I'm trying very hard to follow my arrows (signs/feelings/intuition), even if sometimes they are counter intuitive. I trust that they will never steer me wrong. At times along the Camino I missed an arrow (or two!) - and would need to retrace my steps and go back to the last arrow I saw, begin again, but this time look carefully for the arrow I missed previously. I try to incorporate that now. If something doesn't feel right, I think back to the time I last felt good about my direction, go back, and take my time and wait for a "sign" - I usually find another path/answer and begin forward again. And even if it seems an odd way to go, I'll give it a shot!
Don't look too far ahead. On my walk, there were many areas where there was rough cobblestone, uneven surfaces, rocks, dropoffs, etc. While I had to keep an eye on the arrows ahead, once I saw one, I looked carefully right in front of me to make sure I could keep my footing and get to the arrow (and the next one, and the next one). There were so many stories of pilgrims who tripped or fell and injured/broke something that prevented them from finishing their Camino. Sometimes I can get ahead of myself and try to look too far forward and miss what is right in front of me. I'm trying to take more time to stay in the "now" in between decisions (arrows) and try not to get too far ahead of myself. I try to enjoy the moment and go where the arrows lead me. If I look too far ahead, I might never make it to your destination (or the one I am meant to be at).
It is your way. This was a common theme among the pilgrim community, especially towards the end of the walk. It's almost as if it was something we all learned from the path. When talking about the person who injured themselves and had to go back home, it wasn't met with oh that's just terrible - how sad. It was simply a nod of the head and a simple, "that was their way". Or in talking about if you took the French route or the Portuguese route to get here, it was never a conversation of which was better, or oh I wish I would have done it the other way. Because we all knew that it was our way. When I think back to the end of my terribly long day when I thought my body would give out - I thought why didn't I stop earlier? Why did I push myself to this? In the end, I figured out that each decision, each person I met, every single thing that happened to me on my walk was "my way". I needed to go through it all - the good and the bad. I try to use this one as much as possible. I have a habit of being a "woulda, coulda, shoulda" person - I'm going to try to do better at this. Because this is my way, and is exactly as it is meant to be.
Enjoy (and better yet, look forward to) the times that things don't go the way you planned, as they usually turn out to be some of your best experiences. For example, the church "meditation" that I would have never gone to had I known it was a tour in Spanish, the cab that dropped me on the wrong route on my first day on the Camino and I had to find my way back with Besi, finding out there were no busses on weekends from Finisterre and having to stay another day, my plans to do the Camino in June being postponed by surgery, etc.... I wouldn't have had the great experiences I had if things turned out as I had "planned". Now, when things do not go as I had planned, I actually try to seek out the wonder in what is about to happen. Because it's there.
Be open to everything and attached to nothing. This was pretty much my mantra for the month. I tried to be open to everything that came my way and soak up as much as I could from this experience - no matter how "weird" it may have gotten at times. I just stayed open. I was not attached to a timeline, my route, mealtimes, possessions (many of which I left at various points in my journey), etc.
Unplug. As I prepared for the trip, I was so concerned about bringing an ipod for music and books on tape, etc (I was going to be walking so many hours a day on my own - what would I do!?). On about the 5th day I realized I had not listened to anything, and decided to play some music. After a few minutes, I took the earbuds out and never wore them again. Strangely enough, I never got bored - I never longed for it. I was in touch with the sound of my boots crunching along the path, the obscure (and sometimes not so obscure) sounds of nature around me, the sounds in the villages, my breathing, and also some absolute silence. I'd see some folks go by with their earbuds and music, and I'd get a wave, a quick "Buen Camino" and they'd be on their way. They seemed so cut off from it all - not only from other pilgrims, but from themselves. A lot of folks say they play music to escape. I (surprising to me, too) found it liberating to spend time quality time without anything. Just me and my thoughts. Scary, right? In the end, I came to know (and love) myself in a way I didn't before this trip.
That was my way.
Some final thoughts:
As many of you know, I had a hard time finishing this blog. Part of it was the Camino Blues, part of it was I wasn't sure what to write about what I experienced when I was there - especially at the end (how much to include and what not to include), and part of it was I didn't want it to be over. Maybe by not finishing the blog, it wouldn't really be over. I know, it sounds silly.
But I think I figured it out. I (and everyone else) kept calling this "a journey of a lifetime". Wow. A lot to live up to. And this also implies that it is the only/biggest one. Ouch. Now I realize that this isn't the case. While this was amazing adventure and a huge turning point for me, it is not the end, but just the beginning. I plan to take this "journey of a lifetime" and turn it into the first of a "lifetime of life changing journeys".
I dedicate a large part of this Camino adventure to my sister, LeAnn. While I hadn't thought of it, I happened to take this journey when I was 48, and she passed away when she was 48. It was way too young. I thought a lot about this when I was on my walk, and even had a couple of "chats" with her along the way. I hope she will come along on the rest of my journeys so we can experience 49 and beyond together somehow.
Thank you all for joining me on the ride. Until next time.... Buen Camino.
- comments
Glenna Simply beautiful, Kristi,
Cathy Schmidt Kristi. I am glad you added your last entries. I loved reading this entire blog and continue to reread it! This was an amazing trip for you to take and for me to dream about taking!
Jane O'S Thanks Kristi for sharing your whole journey, it's been amazing to share with you. It's made me laugh and cry lots but I'm so glad I read it. really look forward to your next journey X
Taylor Moen So proud to call you my Auntie! You give me inspiration to travel throughout my life as well. Thank you for providing me, my friends, and even my Spanish class with such a lovely blog. Buen camino!
Diane What a beautiful journey (in so many ways)! I am so happy for you and so proud that you let us share in a piece of it with you!!! Congratulations and welcome home! Love you!!!
olsonc58 Wow! Thanks so much for sharing.
Anne Thank you for inviting me on your amazing journey! Your ability to make us feel what you are experiencing is unbelievable. I am so blessed to know you, Kristi! I hope I can join you again on your next adventure!!!
Kristi R. Wow! I loved reading about your amazing journey. I think travel blogging is your calling. I am ready to sign up to join you (the lazy way - on the internet) on your next adventure, might I suggest Ireland, or possibly St. John and include a sailing leg. Just. Beautiful. Stories and pictures. So thankful you decided to share:)