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From Russia with love
So...sitting here looking out at the runways of Sheremetyevo airport, Moscow is just how I imagined it to be- cold, dark and full of women with drawn on eyebrows. There is an abundance of cigarettes and alcohol and a severe lack of sign posted toilets.
Let me go back a little. Rich and I departed from London on the 14th October at about 11pm after our flight was slightly delayed. The plane was dodgy, the stewardess was chewing gum and the pilot clearly thought it was funny to descend as quickly as possible in order to scare the living crap out of us.... Aeroflot- the Russian alternative to Ryanair.
So the plane journey itself was pretty lairy... but our fellow passengers... oh they were a hoot. We first had an introduction to the ways of a particular chinese family at check in when they had kicked up a half an hour fuss involving every member of staff on the check in counters about something that probably never even mattered. Anyways, they made it onto the plane but although they had clearly flown before to get here they didn't seem to know the general rules of take off. As they were Chinese speakers, the on board announcements in Russian and English clearly didn't mean anything to them but as a general rule, if you don't understand the language you just have a look around to see what everyone else is doing, so when everyone else puts on their seatbelts, you put on your seatbelt... simple right?? Well.... no. One member of the chinese family thought it was appropriate to get up just as the plane was taking off. Calls of 'please no' from the exasperated stewardess did nothing to stop the family from all switching seats mid take-off..... nutters! The same was repeated later on in the flight through some bad turbulence- pilot switches on seat belt sign- ooohhh time to switch seats again- doh!
The next passenger to enter my radar was the guy sitting in front of me. At first I thought he was pretty awesome because he was russian and had a ginger moustache. Not so awesome after he reclined his seat down to my knees 30 seconds after we were in the air. Did he put it up when I had to eat? nope. d*** face! There is always one...... and I am usually behind them! lol.
I know I must sound like a grumpy old lady but I really must have one more passenger rant. The last being about the most stuck up b**** face I have ever seen. Have never wanted to slap some-one in the nose so much in my life. That probably sounds weird- I would like to (yup- still) slap her in the nose because it was constantly in the air- literally. Miss 'I'm decked out in Chanel, have an ipad and am clearly in Aeroflot economy class by mistake (hhaaaa)" was just a royal pain in the arse. She complained about EVERYTHING and spoke to everyone at the airport and on the plane like they were little pieces of poo stuck on her fake jimmy choos. I just really hope that the stewardess did something really horrible to her food!!
*oooohhhh brightness. As I am writing this the sun made an appearance through the rain clouds- in RUSSIA, unbelievable!
Anyway, back on track. Annoying passengers, terrible flight but we finally made it to a deserted airport. After TWO more security checks we were finally allowed to make our way into the lounges. "This is actually quite nice" I thought after reading many online horror stories about this airport. It was modern, cosy and looked like it had super comfy seats- but ALAS... it wasn't meant to be. After explaining to the lovely airport man (who spoke english- god bless him) that we had a connecting flight he checked our tickets and we were given an orange stick thing and some directions to a bus. A bus?? That couldn't be good. After a little wait a little bus came and picked up about a dozen of us and drive us to the real terminal.... the one that was actually the airport and not just the show room. Don't get me wrong, it's not falling down or anything ( I hope, as I am still here!) but it could do with abit of a makeover, some functioning toilets and some seats that don't make sleeping outside in the moscow wind a good option. They could also make the announcement 'DING DONG' a little teeny bit less loud. I'm pretty sure if you guys in the UK listened carefully enough you could hear the moscow announcement ding dong!! Luckily, the airport was empty and after much shuffling with bags and blankets and make-shift pillows, Rich and I set up our little home for the next 8 hours, where we are still sat right now. Managed to get some shut eye thanks to a blanket and some ear plugs but still got 3 hours to go. Rich just went to buy a snack and came with chocolate that tastes like sick (laaaavley) and some squashed russian versions of those cadbury's chocolate eclair things. Buying food is quite difficult in Russia when you can't read Russian- like a slightly less dangerous version of Russian roulette (see what I did there??? lol) Well, I think I am done for now- part one of our journey nearly over. Next stop.... Beijing!
x
P.S... I am sure this is not completely true... but so far in my experience, Russian women are TERRIFYING! Rich's Dad would be disappointed.... not so much hot blondes, but deep voiced, dark haired she devils! But maybe they are just the ones that work in the airport to scare the silly little foreigners. Hmmm
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