Ok let's see how this blogging thing works. Is it like keeping a diary but sharing my life and thoughts with other people? Sounds dangerous. Will I reveal too much? Possibly. Anyway. I arrive at Heathrow at about 3:45am. I have over 7 hours to keep myself entertained and most importantly, awake. This is easy, as I have an iPhone containing techno music. Before I even arrive I get a scare on the bus when a Muslim carrying a backpack gets on the bus and informs the driver he's going to terminal 3, same terminal as me. Thankfully after almost walking holding hands for some time. He heads off in a different direction. It won't be my plane going boom today. Almost everywhere is shut when I arrive except a costa coffee, so I go in there and have a cup of tea and a muffin, manage to kill a couple of hours until more shops and cafes open at 5. I have massive fry up at 6:15 which was rather delicious. I notice in this part of the airport the main seating/waiting areas are blessed with metal hard benches which hold the cold rather well. The only soft comfy seats are at bars and in cafes. Good way to get you to spend your money. The b******s. I check in shortly after 7. I'm told it's a quiet flight so successfully wangle a window seat. Result. Unfortunately I forget to take my charger out my main baggage which I now won't see until Brisbane in 40 odd hours time. What a tit. I now must only use my phone as a camera in Singapore. With nothing to stimulate my mind I struggle to stay awake. Especially as in the departure lounge there are comfy seats. The only thing remotely stimulating my mind is an big woman's t***. As 1 of them is considerably bigger than the other. She's probably got a cancerous lump but her neck is so fat she can't look down to notice the life threatening danger she could be in. I decide not to point it out to her and shut my eyes. After several spak attacks. I realise I can't sleep and decide that I need my iPhone for music brain stimulation. I can't possibly last until Brisbane without charging it so I just angrily buy a charger. I thought everything in duty free was supposed to be cheaper? Everything is 50% more expensive! I see earphones for £230. Not one can of deodorant is under £3. Everything is so expensive. Tax free my ass. They've put the tax on twice. I've got the charger. Let's hope I don't have to buy any more over the course of this trip. The aeroplane is a double decker. Think that's a first for me. It's nice that upon walking to my seat I go through first class. Single and double booths with big tv and little fridges. Very nice. I'm pleased straight away though, not only am I greeted by several incredibly hot Asian chicks, get a free copy of the independent (with sport section), but you get complimentary cushion and blanket. Very nice indeed. There is a tv in the back of the head rest, inches from my face. What baffles me though is that it comes with a remote control, although there are buttons on the tv itself, inches away. Are people that fat and lazy that they can't be bothered to raise their hand 50cm to control the tv? Or maybe it's so you can go to the toilet and toy with your passenger neighbours brains by changing channels and upping the volume. I was also handed a hot cloth by one of the stewardesses. It was so hot I hate to put it down for a couple of minutes to cool down. No sooner had I put it down another stewardess came along with some giant tweezers and asked for it back. Yeh thanks, it warmed my left knee up for 30 seconds. I was really looking forward to wiping my sweaty gonads with that too. Then I was handed a little bag containing another cloth and a toothbrush. They also handed out headphones and a booklet. At this rate I probably didn't need to pack anything at all. I don't understand the need for seat belts on an aeroplane. I have never heard of a plane falling from the sky, crashing into the ground at 600mph and a man walking away from it, 'Because he was wearing his seatbelt.'

When they came with the drink trolley I got my money out half expecting to pay about tenner for my glass of water. But they didn't charge anybody for any drinks. Including alcohol. I felt I made a wrong choice whilst I sipped the water. Although I hadn't even finished my shot of water when they came down again. Some of these alcohol drinkers are going to be nailed if they continue at this rate. I was tempted, but I want to remember my short stay in Singapore. They also came round giving out peanuts which reminded me of Ace Ventura.

The vast array of movies they had playing was incredible. All kinds of films including some brand spankers. I flicked through 72 different ones until I got bored of pressing the button. God knows how many more there were. I finally settled for the flight tracker. Where I watch the little aeroplane slowly make its way across the map from London to Singapore.

The flight meal was so delicious. A salmon salad starter, followed by roast chicken and veg in cheese sauce, biscuits & cheese and lemon meringue pie. The service is brilliant. These Asian lovelies don't stop going up and down giving stuff out. I hope they back off soon though because I need to sleep.

There is something truly blissful about listening to Deep progressive trance music whilst gazing out of an aeroplane window. Such stunning views. It's a shame to have to go to sleep. I don't feel like I've missed a nights sleep at all.