Our first couple of days on Samui were spent negotiating our way past street sellers (and beach sellers) who were offering an endless array of tat. Considering the number of shops it was strange to see the lack of choice available, with every row of three shops a carbon copy of the next. We booked on to an island tour to visit all 6 of Samui's attractions.

The first stop was Plai Laem Temple - a tacky Samui shrine that looked more like a crazy golf course than a religious site. In stark contrast to the awe inspiring temples of Bangkok this was a place where tourists were urged to spend more time in the awful giftshops than the temples themselves. The tour pamphlet's broken English and typos had got this right - "Kon Samui". "Welcome to the new tourist attraction scene on Kon Samui. The Temple that sit on a giant lotus which placed in a pond that are fulfil of plenty of fishes that could be feed by you. Don't forget to blesses yourself in front of the moot popular Chinese Lady Monk."

We got back on the bus and were taken to the Big Buddha. On its own this would probably have been quite an impressive site. However, the completely incongruous collection of shops at the bottom of the Buddha's steps did something to spoil its dignity. Maybe we fell asleep at school and missed the connection between the Buddha and the 3 meter tall sculptures of Optimus Prime, Predator and Gremlins.

The next stop was by far the most amusing. "Grandmother & Grandfather Rocks" - Nature saw fit to erode the Samui coastal rock into the shape of male and female genitals. If you will excuse the phrase, Grandmother was very accessible whereas Grandfather required some rather treacherous rock climbing for the perfect photo opportunity - but well worth it!

After the " c*** in the rock" we were bussed to a bizarre attraction at Khunaram Temple. A monk at the temple had become an expert at meditation and could reach a state where his body was almost completely shut down for days on end. When he died (during meditation) his body was put into a glass case and left on display. 20 years after his death his body has still not succumb to decomposition. His eyes didn't fare quite as well so he has been fitted with a pair of Ray Bans to spare his onlookers. Oddly, this was one of the only stops of the tour without a gift shop - no sunglasses on sale at all! A wasted opportunity!

The next stop was a monkey show - a mainstay of all Samui tours, which sadly was unavoidable. Whilst not as bad as we had expected, the monkeys were all chained to trees and looked pretty dispondent. On the whole, our tour group were all pretty disapproving with the exception of an Israeli idiot who lapped up his opportunity to have his photo taken with a chained monkey and whose excitement levels exploded later on when we drove past a sign for a cockfighting stadium!

The penultimate stop was the Namuang Waterfalls. After pulling up in the car park our guide pointed ambiguously in the general direction of the falls and shouted something about a 25minute walk. Being a lady of fairly ample size she would not be joining us but agreed to meet us back at the bus in an hour and a half. We now know that she had been pointing at a smooth concrete road that led 25 minutes to the falls. We also know that the hour long trek through the jungle filled with huge ants, swarms of mosquitos and slippery mud paths is not best attempted by a group dressed in shorts and flip flops! You will never catch Ray Mears in a pair of Havaianas!

The falls were beautiful, rising up 80 metres through the jungle. Had we taken the concrete road we may have been in a more appreciative mood. As it was, Jo was nursing her 30 mosquito bites and Dan had caught a nasty nip from an ant which was sore for minutes. (Note: Anyone attempting a jungle trek will be much more comfortable as long as there is at least one person in the group whose skin is irresistable to mosquitos - Thanks Jo!)

Whilst extremely disappointing, the tour did seem to give a accurate reflection of the culture on Samui. Anything of natural beauty has been hijacked by gift shops and market stalls to "satisfy" the needs of the tourists. This coupled with the ridiculously high numbers of fat old Western men with their Thai brides in this place, showed an island being simultaneously ruined and sustained by Western influence. Tomorrow we leave for Phuket, also renowned for its tourism but as we have opted to stay on the less crowded Karon beach we are hoping for a much needed change of scene.