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So at 4 in the morning following the three day Curriculum leader training in Tumu I found myself back on Ghana's finest mode of transport, 'The Metro Mass bus', on my way to Bolga for a TSO (Teacher Support Officer) meeting and more importantly, a Halloween party! Now as my mum is super Awesome, she had sent me back to Ghana with a bag full of Halloween goodies for just such an occasion! Unfortunately the Halloween candy did not make it to Bolga (it 'disappeared under mysterious circumstances while sitting safely in my desk at work. I blame the office ghost!). But I did have a set of battery operated pumpkin lights, a devil horn headband, a bunch of spiders, plates, cups and a few other bits and bobs.
I won't go into much detail about the meeting because everything that happened was eclipsed by a rather wonderful event! I had heard rumours about it leading up to my arrival but it was even more exciting in the flesh. A volunteer in Bolga was looking into adopting a boy from the local orphanage!
After checking that he was not mine (apparently my theory of me being so amazing that I was able to perform an Immaculate Conception just by being in a room was not considered scientifically viable) I shotgunned Godfather. I was promptly told just because I 'shotgunned' does not make it so (Apparently explaining how 'shotgun' is legally binding especially when talking about children did not help my case in proving I was sensible enough to be a Godfather). Also my actions over a 7 minute period after the meeting did not help my cause either.
Anyone who has read some of my previous blogs may remember Helen. A vol in Bolga who last time we had been together we had some unrepeatable discussions about laptops and other things. Well apart from two filthy limericks (the one she wrote about me involved a bizarre sex act and the one I wrote about her involved a party trick that would not be out of place in a Brothel in Thailand) we had been relatively well-behaved for the previous few months. But it turns out that like any addict, when you finally fall off the wagon you fall hard. At the end of the meeting we got our hands on VSOs newest and youngest member from under his new mum's watchful eye. First (Bolga Ellie if you are reading this please skip the next sentence as we did not admit up to this at the time…) we recreated a scene from the Hangover involving a baby (not the one with the car door but the one just as inappropriate). Then we dressed him up in everything in my Halloween kit. This did not go down well. Finally Helen told me how she occasionally makes him fly while humming the Superman tune. We discovered that with me supporting the baby from below and Helen holding out his right fist and combining this with the absolutely genius idea of turning his bib around to his back and fluttering it like a cape we could turn him into Superman. We then proceeded to fly him around the sofa with his fist out and his cape flapping while singing the 'Superman' theme as loud as we could. This apparently was the tipping point and the baby was confiscated off us. Two minutes later he was promptly sick on his mother……twice. We argued hard that this was not our fault (he was fine when we gave him to you, all newborns are sick sometimes) but after finding out this was the first time he had ever been sick we came to the conclusion that not every baby is cut out to be Superman. As you can imagine I was banned from all baby related activities for at least 24 hours.
Mine and Helens plan of finding him a small cowboy hat, making him a whip out of string and make it look like he was running in front of a green blanket (for green screen purposes to add a backdrop later) and bowl a motorcycle helmet at him to recreate the opening scene of Indiana Jones was also vetoed on health and safety grounds (Those pesky H and S people ruin everything!).
After some serious groundwork and grovelling on my part I was given permission to look after the baby under the watchful eye of Ellie B the following morning while the mum popped out to the shops. Once again Jellie was given an opportunity to prove their super-rep skills. As it turns out the best behaved baby ever decided to spend most of this period crying. Not even reading him a story from 'Closer' cheered him up. If anything the discovery that Zach from 'One Direction' had cheated on his 'Little Minx' girlfriend made him even more distressed. The only thing that vaguely worked was decorating Ellies head with Pumpkin lights and making it flash. This experience left me 0 for 2 with our new member.
That night was Halloween. Instead of pumpkins we used watermelons. We had a little competition to see who could carve the best watermelon. My lack of a GCSE in art came back to haunt me and was settling for last place before I had the outstanding idea of stabbing my watermelon in the forehead with a knife and leaving it there!
As you can imagine, you can't just head down to your local fancy-dress store and pick up an outfit but as you can see from the photos some outstanding efforts were made! It's amazing what you can do with some red food dye, a comb, talcum powder and some eyeliner. Throw in some homemade TLMs and a pillow and you have quite a party!
Instead of bobbing for apples, we threw for spiders and everyone hit the dance floor in full Ghanaian style (one friendly Ghanaian told me, 'you dance quite well…..but you do not look like you know what you are doing!' which sums up my dancing quite succinctly). Things started to wind down but Ellie had made the frankly mindboggling decision to not sleep and get straight on a bus back to Wa at 4 in the morning and complete the 14 hour journey home to Jirapa for a meeting on Monday so a few of us tried to stay up to keep her company. The hecticness of the last few weeks caught up with me and I battled to 3 before curling up in a chair and drifting off to sleep while I plotted more harebrained schemes to prove my Godfather credentials!
Haaaapppppyyyy Hallllowwwweeeenn!!!
Jim xxx
- comments
Ellie Fro Hey Jimfather, Bolga Ellie here... I've just read your blog... Harrarious as they say until I got the part which was 'unspoken'... I guess you know what film I'll be watching tonight - Expect a phone call naughty, naught Jimfather!!!!!!!!
Anna Jimbo, Amazing blog and it sounds like you had an amazing Halloween, your costumes look more inventive then most people in lodnon, especially the London girls, who all think it is an except able idea to just dress really sluttly on Halloween!! I can understand though the slight trepidation at letting you be godfather! Missing you lots and can't wait for Ghana new year, your Xmas pressie will obviously be coming with me to Ghana so expect lots of pressies on boxing day!! Whoop whoop... Love you Anna Panna xxxx
cat AWESOME is a good adjective and I am glad the Heale party-planning skills/ decorations are being put to use in the Upper Volta. Captain xxx
Mike Scott James, as YOUR godfather I thought time I joined in. I don't remember ever pouring illegal liquor down you or dressing you up as Superman when you were that age, probably because you were in California and I wasnt , but clearly somebody did....Great to hear you are having such a successful time. Have a very jolly Christmas and we'll look forward to hearing all from the family on their return (and then compare it to your version on your next blog).Love from all Scotts
Wooze Hi Jimbo. Having read you latest blogs together I have come to two clear conclusions - 1. You are having an ace time and taking everyone else along with the fun, including puking, superman godson (lucky chap); and 2. You are well advised to use African ladies of traditional build as padding on buses, but only use children as airbags in an emergency... Love your blogs - so keep them coming. All love, Wooze xx