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Melbourne – the one where every one needs good friends and neighbours, but probably shouldn’t go and
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia is full of British backpackers. Always has been, and probably always will be. And the first thing most British backpackers want to do when they get to Melbourne is to go and see Ramsey Street, the home of the Neighbours we all grew up wanting to have. When I was younger, I wanted a Scott and Charlene to root for. I wanted Madge's shoulder to cry on. I wanted to play cricket in the street with Helen Daniels. I wanted to see Dr Karl if I was sick. I wanted to hang out at Harold's coffee shop. I wanted live in a land where it was always sunny. Of course I wanted all these things; I grew up in Cambridgeshire and then Grantham. We lived on a farm until I was 12 and we barely even had Neighbours, although when we moved into town the old woman next door had a touch of Mrs Mangel about her.
I don't quite remember how it all came about, but one of us figured out that it was Pete's 40th birthday and the Melbourne Grand Prix the same weekend. And that Jon and I, and Sarah and Pete would be in the correct continent. And we could convince Anna she really wanted to come to Australia, despite being an outspoken opponent of the Australian accent. And so we were all set for a Maderian 6 less 1 reunion on the other side of the world, 3 months after we had all last seen each other. Jon, Anna and Sarah weren't that keen on Neighbours, or seeing Ramsey Street but they tagged along, laughing at my excitement as usual. Pete grew up in the land where it was sunny all the time and couldn't be bothered to come on our tour of the Melbourne suburbs.
We had a lot of catching up and drinking to do, but first we had to go to Erinsborough. Ramsey Street was created by Reg Watson all those years ago because he wanted to create a TV programme about ordinary people going about their ordinary lives. He wanted your average Australian to be able to relate to Neighbours, and believe that they could be living next door. Our tour guide challenged that assumption… this is a street that has had 9 cases of amnesia in the last 20 years- including a case where a man forgot who he was and went to live in Tasmania but then came back and remembered he was Harold Bishop and could play the tuba. People go to a school where everyone lives on the same street as the teachers and attends the same classes regardless of how old they are. Where there have been multiple car crashes on one cul de sac. Where people get pregnant by touching a door handle (as they can't actually show heavy petting, but just show the idea of what is happening by making the man take off his t-shirt and leave the room with the lady). And they lie. You just need to spend half a week in Melbourne to know that it isn't sunny all the time - they use lights and apparently feed the actors ice cubes to stop you being able to see their breath as it is that cold in Melbourne.
The first actual stop on the bus tour was the school that they used to use to film Erinsborough High. Scott and Charlene had played basketball here. Plain Jane superbrain had seduced Mike before he left to become a Hollywood superstar. To us however it looked like we were sitting outside a school on a bus staring at the children inside. This was a little odd, and quite possibly illegal in the UK. Before we got into any trouble we went to the studios where Neighbours is filmed, and to 'meet a star'. Does a star shine as bright if you haven't actually watched Neighbours in 12 years? Hell yeah. Especially when your parents have, and you get the star to hold up a sign saying 'G'day to Spud and June'.
Then it was time for the street itself. It was bin day on Ramsey Street which detracted from the ambience somewhat. There are also security guards on the street after some British backpackers got a bit drunk and peed on Harold's balcony. But we did get to reenact the credits from the early 1990s, and have a moment on Scott and Charlene's step which was nice.
When the rain finally let up that night we met Pete and Sarah and some of their friends on Chapel Street for some drinks. It's expensive in Australia - they sell beers in Happy Hour for 'only' $6 (£4). It's not even a pint. We gave up at midnight and headed back to the hostel for some sleep after the excitement of the day.
Jon, Anna and I spent the Saturday mooching around the CBD in Melbourne; a picnic lunch from Victoria Market (the largest market in the Southern hemisphere) and using our free voucher to the Eureka sky deck, on the 88th floor of one of Melbourne's tallest buildings. The view was incredible and we could see the aquatic centre, the MCG and the Grand Prix track which wetted our appetite for the next day.
Anna had been doing fairly well on the jetlag until the end of our day out when she started to feel like she needed a lie down. Well we were already fairly late for meeting the others so we decided to tackle the tiredness head on and ride on the Coney Island-esque 99 year old rollercoaster at Luna Park on the way back to our hostel. We were planning on keeping our hands in the air all the way round but realised fairly quickly that would cause significant knee injuries - it was hard to believe the coaster was only 99 years old.
On Saturday night we met with Blake and Chris who were in Melbourne for the Grand Prix, who joined a bigger group of us out celebrating Pete's 40th birthday. The night involved lots of catching up, a fair amount of alcohol, screaming 'RAT BABIES' at each other and a random St Patrick's Day hat before we headed to Noodle King for a late dinner (Nando's in Melbourne s***s at 9pm, so Chinatown was our only available option - they like their early dinners do Australians).
The main event for Sunday was the Grand Prix. We had general admission to the track and arrived nice and early to look around and find a spot to watch the race. Melbourne is one of the few Grand Prix's where you can sit right next to the track without having to buy an expensive seat in the stands. There are grass verges around lots of the track where people can just turn up and watch the action.
We've never been to a Grand Prix before and were surprised by how much goes on before the race. There were lots of classic cars on display, prompting the classic quote from Anna that 'It's a bit like the North Devon show, but with cars not tractors'. There were flyovers from the RAF, and then a Quantas jet, which sounds a bit weird but was actually quite cool to see a jumbo jet fly so low. The drivers all got driven round in open top cars to wave at the crowds. Then the race started - oh my god the noise. We could hear the warm up laps earlier in the weekend from our hostel room, 5km away which probably should have warned us. Turns out watching the Grand Prix isn't the most social activity. We had tried to get a spot opposite a big screen, but it was really difficult to see what was going on. The cars pass you really fast once every couple of minutes and it's not that easy to follow unless you are wearing 'race headphones' - industrial strength headphones that have race commentary played through one ear. We didn't bother with any of that so it's probably the only sporting event I've ever been to when I had to ask someone at the end who won (Jenson Button). We also had tickets for 'Sidetracked', a music festival near to corner 5 with DJs and bands after the event. Grandmaster Flash - the man who turned the turntable into an instrument - was up at 8pm and was awesome. We left the boys with beer at the back and headed right into the heart of the crowd for dancing (i.e. jumping up and down with hands in the air). The headline was Flo Rida, but only Sharris and I had the stamina for that. I think it's safe to say the others didn't miss very much. He's not called the Grand Master for nothing, and putting Flo Rida on as a headliner was probably to attract young people. Still, when he pulled 20 girls out the crowd to dance with him for one particular tune , it was amusing to watch them gyrate for his attention. Yes, yes!
After a 'goodbye, see you in Sydney in a week' brunch with Sarah and the now very old Pete, we spent the afternoon at the beach in St Kildas. However the Neighbours fun wasn't all over for the weekend - Monday night in St Kilda's is Neighbours Night. It's held in the Elephant and Wheelbarrow. The pub is called this because it would take an elephant and a wheelbarrow to unstick your feet from the carpet and move you out of the bar. This was not a classy venue. However it was our chance to get up close and personal with Dr Karl Kennedy and his band, and some of his friends from the programme. There's a definite organised fun element to it and we had to sit in tables and participate in a topical quiz, different competitions and sit nicely waiting for the Neighbour star to come to your table. We met gay mechanic Chris, who has just been nominated for a Logie (Australian TV awards which are based on acting ability, and not personality, having met him for 5 minutes), and then Dr Karl himself, in his leather waistcoat.
There had been a fair amount of cheap wine consumed up to this point, which is how I ended up missing meeting Libby Kennedy. Because I thought it would be a good idea to participate in the dance off. Yup, I volunteered to dance on a stage in front of a room full of backpackers. I was lucky in that the song I was allocated was Britney's version of 'I love Rock and Roll' - lots of strutting round clapping your hands together to get the crowd on its feet. I thought this tactic would put me in with a chance, but sadly I didn't make the top 3. Afterwards a couple of people came up to me and said I should've won. I even believed them for a while until one guy said… ' don't take this the wrong way but we really thought you looked like Miranda, the big bird off the telly'. Dreams shattered in one sentence. Our table did win the quiz though. We won… a tour of Ramsey Street. I gave our vouchers to someone at the bar who was nice to me and we went back to the hostel for some sleep before our flight to Brisbane the next morning.
Stayed…
· At Base hostel in Melbourne. According to signs up in the kitchen at Base, the worst thing you can do to a fellow traveller is steal their food. Anna's experience at Base suggests that isn't correct. The worse thing you can actually do to a fellow traveller is consummate your new relationship with a man you've just met, in the bottom of the bunk of the bed you are sharing with another traveller, causing them to have to sleep in the reception area when they have a flight to Brisbane at 7am the next morning.
Ate…
· Chinese at Noodle King, a non-descript restaurant on the outskirts of Chinatown in the CBD - but ordered off menu by Jenny so we got all the good stuff.
· Brunch at Tusk in Chapel Street, near St Kilda.
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