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Part 2
The time I spend in Manila, seems short now, though I was there for almost a week. After I met my mother and her family, I moved to a hotel closer to where they lived, so it would be easier to see them everyday.
So, the family; Catalina, my birthmother, is working as a daylabourer. Lui, the husband, is working as a construction worker, together earning about 2-300p pr day, which is basically nothing. Emanuelle, the youngest still goes to school, since, what I have understood, is because school up untill the end of High school is basically free, except for the fact they pay for their own blocks of papers and pencils. Mikee, just finished high school, is currently just helping out in the house. Mitch, is working in a call center, and have to done so since she graduated high school, to support the family. Basically, they are all just working to get a bread on the table everyday, and I have understood that this is what most poor families does. When they graduate highschool, they go and get work to support the family. It is kinda hard to understand when you come from a society where you get payed to go to school. And where luxury is the only worry you have on your mind.
To come from a place where you have all the options in the world, where education is a picking game where you can go in years wondering what you want to do with your life, to come to a place where you struggle just to get a simple meal on the table, is mindblowing. I know I have seen things like this before, since my parents back in Denmark, have been so kind to take me all over the world and have giving me the thirst to do so by myself, but since this is basically family, here in the philippines, it is so much harder to take in. I really want to help the family, but I am in no position to do so. I remember after spending a few days with the family, I regreted taking so much time off, instead of focusing on getting an education. Had I done so, I might have been in a slightly better situation, to help them out in the near future, but at that point I looked at my time table and had to add atleast 3-5 years of studying into the equation, and then a few more years to get a stable economy to start supporting them. But it also occured to me, that if I had not taken all these years fooling around, I would maybe never had gone to the Philippines to look for my birthmother.
It has been thoughts like these, that have been going through my head the last two weeks, and seeing how they cope with their lives keeps me in these thoughts, making it hard for me to express anything at all. Only reason I can do so now, is because I have taken two days off, getting time to clear my head and reflect on my travel so faar, and it is unbelievable that my head have not exploded, by all these things I have seen, heard and experienced.
When I am together with the family, they are all smiling and being as friendly as they can be, but I know there is something going on deeper in the family. I can also understand why the do not want to share it with me, because they might be afraid I would be running off screaming, never to return again. I remember myself thinking at somepoint, that now I can either leave them, and have the happy memory of my birthmother having a loving family, or I can stay and get to know them better, digging deeper into their lives, not knowing how it would all turn out. Also, I remember saying to myself, that no matter what happens I would try to be as understanding of their circumstances as possible, saying stop, and taking a break, whenever I needed it.
But I quickly found out that, to say stop, and trying to not hurt anyones feelings is harder to do, than when you think of it. Also, by doing so, not breaking down emotional or getting yourself exhausted is hard. It is hard to express the feelings you are having, when you just met a whole new family, and you try to get to know them better. Hard to ask questions, because you always have to consider the fact that they might get hurt, angry or sad when you ask the question. So many thoughts going through you head all the time, and on top of that you also have to remember to take in all they are saying to you. This might be confusing, but it is hard to explain.
I have probably said this before, but the last few weeks, since I met my mother have gone by so fast. Been doing something, seen or talked to someone everyday the past two weeks, and it is kinda exhausting. I know you would probably all think that I should have taken some time off doing my own thing, but I really just have been wanting to experience everything I could.
But my time in Manila was very eventful, and there is alot of things I will not share here, but at somepoint I decided to go back to Bohol, because I got aware of that my family knew about my biological father and his whereabouts. After some discussions with the family I decided to take my oldest sister, there is a lot of reasons I picked her, but mainly it is because I can communicate with her, and because I feel comfortable around her.
She have never tried to fly with an airplane before, so as the day of our depature arrived she was beaming, smiling, absentminded moving her hands and feets nervously as we slowly made our way through the traffic of Manila. She kept on asking how it is to ride an airplane, and how it feels like, and if it is dangerous or if you can see out the window etc. Her mood rose the closer we got to the NAIA - Ninoy Aquino Internainal Airport, but she got kinda disappointed about the freakishly long line to the check-in counter. The smile went from overexicted to boredom the 45 minutes we stood in the line. Worst part was, that I did notice, or heard that the line we was standing in and the lines on both sides, was finding and checking-in people who was late for the flights. Yes, they do speak english, but for some reason they have to eat the microphone whenever they have to make an annoucement in english so its impossible to understand.
In the end we got to check-in, just to sit and wait inside the depature lobby to wait for our delayed flight... at that point her boredom had grown to being tired instead, so we found a spot in the corner of the depature hall to lie down. Time ticked by, as we watch people boarding they disignated flights.
Eventually our flight was boarding, and to our luck, the Gate opened right where we were lying. Mitch's excitement grew once more as we entered the aircraft, and to our luck she got a window seat. To be honest she did not, but since we was the first to arrive in the airplane, I told her just to sit at the window, and explain the person who came to get the window seat, that this would be her first flight. It was a young man, barely 20 year-old, to my estimation, and when he looked at my sister, he dropped his jaw trying to say something, and when she smiled at him, pointed at the seat she was sitting in, he shook his head and took place beside me. Girls have it too easy...
As the aircraft went out and got ready to lift off, Mitch was laughing and smiling at everything she saw. She had that gleam in here eyes, you only see in small children on their birthday or christmas, when they recieve a present they have been wishing for. As we slowly ascended Mitch took out the camera and started to take pictures. Her face was litteraly glued to the window for the better half of the flight.
We arrived in Mactan, Cebu a bit late. We drove through the rushhour traffic to our hotel, and since Mitch was so determined to use the camera while in flight, I did not get the chance to take pictures because it was low bat. Not that it was spectacular sight, but still. Note: Overexcited girls with a camera; remember to bring extra batteries. The time in Cebu City, was pretty uneventful. Other than looking at different driking holes, such as bars, diskos etc and shopping malls, I was forced to get a mani-pedicure, while Mitch wanted her hair coloured. We also met a friend of mine, I met the last time I was on Cebu, and Mitch introduced me to the persons who was contacted by Norfil, while I was still looking for my mother. The day came where we headed for Bohol, and Mitch was beaming even more than the time she was sitting in the airplane. I probably forgot to say this earlier, but it had been three years since she was on Bohol the last time, so she was so happy.
The trip between Cebu and Bohol, takes about 1 h 45 mins, if you take the small fast ferries. We choose to go with Weezam, which is noisy, small and fast, and, you are allowed to smoke, compared to the other companies. Though I find it noisy, I must admit, sitting in the back-end, outside with the windblowing in my hair, sun burning hot at the same time, and the sea being calm, is amazing. Also, just leaving a crowded city such as Cebu City, slowly making your way between the small islands, in the calm ocean, mesmerized by the blue water and sky, is extremely soothing. Almost clear sky all the way to the horizon, windblowing into your face you barely notice the burning sun on your skin, which I again, got to regret a few days later when I noticed being sunburned on my uppershoulders, where my t-shirt is not covering.
Arriving on Bohol, one of Mitch's old classmates were kind enough to pick us up at the pier. For some reason I was craving McDonalds, so after a quick stop by at the pension house we were staying at, we headed straight for the mall. There, another friend of Mitch was waiting, and the chicken talk started for real. So okay, the time I've spend with Mitch, she has been talking alot, but as soon as she met her two old friends, she was unstoppable. She also had a hard time finding the words in english when she tried to translate what they were talking about, when she saw me sitting there, looking dumb not understanding anything. But then again it was understandable since it was three years ago she had been back here.
Rest of that day was spend not understanding anything at all, and watching Mitch glow, smile and be happy. Around the evening I was expecting her to be tired, but she was walking around, texting, calling, being ready, not wanting to miss a single second the time she would be on Bohol, so I told her to run off and do what ever she liked, while I went to bed. She pleaded me to come along, but I told her, knowning very well that she would not be able to have as much fun, with me being around, since she would be consurned about me all the time, to go by herself and just text me if she would stay out late. Also, all of her family basically lives in Bohol, except for a few living on Cebu, so I was not imparticular afraid of anything happening to her.
I woke up around 4 AM in the morning, with no text message on the cellphone and her bed empty. This was the first time I really felt how it was to be a big brother. So many thoughts went through my head. First, since I took her here, she was my responsabilty, so my first thought was, trying to make contact with her, but at the same time I kept in mind, that she was basically born and raised here, so she would have friends all of the place where she could stay. Second, I got anoyed and worried because I asked her to text me if she stayed out. Third, I did not want to wake her up if she was infact staying at a friend, and she had just forgotten about it since she probably have had so much fun seeing her old friends. Last, my thoughts went back to the fact that I was her big brother, and was supposed to take care of her. While this last thought haunted my mind I layed in bed, trying to get myself to call her, I decided, after 30mins of lying awake worrying, to go out and get a cigaret and call her. I came out, and saw that she was sitting on the pension house grounds, talking to a few friends, all boys, and five of them, so I tried to stay hidden to observe her, while I was smoking. I had not even been out for more than 20 seconds till her head went over to me, with a worried face, as if she have had me on my mind the whole time. She asked me to come over, and as I approached the boys slowly went into the background. Tired, morning grumby, annoyed she had not texted me, and irritated about the amount of boys sorounding her, I sat down, while she made a sad face, seeing me frown. I know it is not my right to be telling her what to, and not to do, but the instinct of being a big brother such as, defending her, and trying to keep her out of harms way, still came out and I expressed my deep disapointment. I guess the boys, in the background felt my anger, so they slowly slipped out from the pension grounds into the shadows while I talked with her. Again, I know it is not in my place to educate her or teach her in anyways, but I still felt responsible to say that she could have atleast texted me or anything like that. I guess only the big brothers, sisters and parents back at home can understand this. Anyway, she asked if she could say goodbye, looking a bit hurt, and probably also worried again, about how I was feeling, and that she might have been way too selfish only thinking about herself. So while saying that, of course she could say goodbye to her friends, I also tried to make her understand how I felt, and that she did not have to worry about me, other than just text me if she decided to stay out late.
Gosh, I know I sound like a total overprotective brother in this situation, but seriously, this feeling about being a big brother is new for me. Having a teenage little sister is, exhausting. I know how much you wanna experience when you are around her age, so I can tell you, alot more thoughts popped into my mind while I was lying worrying, but I do not find that appropriate to write. The rest of the stay on Bohol, she kept on trying to make sure I was pleased and happy all the time, so after a few days I decided to go back to Cebu to give her some alone time with her friends and family, seeing that she acted differently while with me.
The reason for me to come to Bohol was seeing my biological father, but I was way to distracted meeting her friends, and family, to be thinking of that. Since I promised our mother back in Manila, that she could be the one to introduce me to the family, we decided I was a cousin from a longlost uncle, and also due to the fact the resemblance to the cousins and nephews we met.
So what did I do on Bohol, well I went swimming in a salty river that gets water from the ocean during the morning to mid day, and which pushes it out from mid day to evening. Spectacular place to swim, situated right next to a bridge where you can jump off. We also went to a big fresh water cave, nothing new there, but since it is a main attraction in Bohol, we went there anyway. We drove out to see the white beaches on Panglao, and went past an animal sanctuary, where one of our cousins worked. We went drinking with the locals, where I caught a throat acke. We went clubbing where a live band played, worst band ever. But at some point I have had enough. At that time I have had been together with my new found family and sister for two weeks, and I really needed some time off. Mitch noticed my mood change aswel, and grew concerned about my health, since I had earlier been complaining about my throat. Now, she said, my frown had gone deeper, and I was looking like I was in pain. Totally forgotten everything about the reason I got to Bohol, I booked a ticket to Cebu and a hotel, and when I approached her about my idea of going earlier, she also suddenly remembered the reason we went here, so the meeting with my biological father was not really that great.
It was not like i was expecting anything from the meeting, since my thoughts always have been on my birthmother. So the fact that I could see and meet my biological father, had never in all the years crossed my mind, so I do not think I was totally prepared for the meeting. Also, my head was too full with thoughts, and exhausted from all the attention I have been getting the past two weeks, so probably also another good reason why the meeting of my biological father did not go so well. Maybe the fact that there was no "middle man" to arrange the meeting made the difference aswel. And last, the fact that, as soon as Mitch left to go to the toilet, the first thing he asked me for, was money. It is not that do not understand why he did that, but just the fact we had met 30 mins - 1 hour ago, and my head was already twirling from everything I had experienced so faar. This made my mind shut off, and just ignore the rest of our conversation. I did not cry, break down emotionally, run away, or started screaming, but for some reason, my head totally cleared, as if there was nothing there, and I just pretended my way through the meeting. Luckily for me, I had already made the reservations for the ferry, so I made the excuse to, be in good time at the ferry, to escape this akward moment. We headed back to get my stuff so I could get going. Saying goodbye was not hard, and since I knew Mitch was safe, I went into the depature lobby to sit and reflect on everything and to look forward to some "me-time". But of course the ferry was delayed for 1 h 30 mins so my escape was prolonged.
As soon as the ferry left the pier on Bohol, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Though with the throat acke gone to be a fever, coughing gone harder and swetting all the time, my mind seemed to organise itself to make sense of everything that had been happening the last two weeks. I felt reliefed of not having to think about everything, I should or not should be doing around family, and I could start reflect on my experience so faar. Also, since Mitch decided to stay there an extra day, I got two days to get my mind straight before heading back to Manila.
It is currently 4:05 AM in the morning, but when I decided to go to bed a few hours back, I felt like writing, and time has just flown by. I guess I'll leave you hanging with this update. Hope all is well, and you are not growing too concerned about me. Now, I feel like I have my mind under controle, and I feel ready to turn my head homewards. There is probably gonna be a part 3 aswel. But it will probably only be posted when I get back to Denmark, unless something crazy happens.
- comments
annelie get well dear, take care of your throat..cut down on smokes and dig into vitamine c :)
mitch wow! i love your blog bro. i am really touched. i don't know what to say .. i think it's just I LOVE YOU BIG BRO.
marvir tungol (ICAB) really find this blog a way for you to express all those things in your mind. normal to be overwhelmed with all that happened, but you will get by.and move on. Nice to have met you, Jayson!
inday ..Ines Abayabay amazing ..jason thats good that you are giving time for yourself to accept and being accepted,to be or not to be...its all up to you to manage how and what seems to be your lifes'direction...it is jst a part of your journey..dont expect only good,but also bad..last not least i am very proud of your ability...YOU DID....bst rgds,La Petra Beach Resort