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CAPTAIN SLOG STARDATE 66.14
I've had a busy day and am knacked!
My room was bloody freezing last night. I turned off the a/c earlier on but the room never warmed up. I ended up wearing my long sleeved top over the pjs. Very fetching.
Whilst I was freezing my bits off I decided that I needed to buy another holdall. There is no way that the Miami Gestapo are going to let me through with an overweight case on the way home. So it was off to Sawgrass Mills I must go.
A bit of research on the tablet showed that there was a shuttle to the mall that I could pick up at the hotel next door. A bit of research at the hotel next door showed that this service was discontinued and it was a taxi or a private shuttle. I decided on the latter and so it was ordered for 10am.
I decided to drop in for my free buffet brekkie. Not the most lavish in the world but OK - scrambled eggs, gammon (reformed) and some kind of ponyburger. Yes, there was other stuff but I don't do sugary buns, grits, biscuits, gravy, waffles and maple syrup or the dreaded devil-fruit (bananas). There were some nice red grapes, yoghurt and tinned peaches to finish off.
Oh, must tell you about the coffee maker in my room..... Bloody thing, it's possessed!!
When I woke up decided on a cup of coffee to slurp in bed . So I filled the reservoir, put in the coffee filter pad and switched on. There was a choice of one cup or two, so I went for one. Naturally, I appeared to have put the coffee filter pad in the wrong side, so I ended up with a tasty cup of hot water.
Moved the pad over and refilled...
Switched on and water poured out of the other side where there was no cup....
b******s!! More effing hot water but no coffee and all over the top of the cupboard. I eventually managed to gather a cup of coffee using two cups but half the water mysteriously disappeared. Better luck tomorrow maybe.
So, my transport arrived for my trip to the mall. This is actually five malls stuck together, to give you the idea of the size of the place.
My driver Francisco, as in San, was a very nervous, awful driver who spoke minimal English and kept spitting out of the window. How pleasant.
He allowed the van to drive itself most of the time as he chatted on the phone or wrote out a receipt for me. I was kind of glad to arrive at entrance 1 of the mall in one piece.. He said he would come and pick me up there at 3pm as agreed. Did I give him a tip? Yes, don't spit out of the window, it's not pleasant!
First stop was to buy a holdall which came in every colour under the sun as long as it was black, so I chose black. I left it at the shop to collect on the way back.
I must have walked miles. My feet ached. I have to confess that I have bought a pair of Crocs but not those piss awful clog looking things. These are more like flip flops without the bit between the toes.
I waited outside entrance 1 at 3pm, but no Francisco. Maybe he didn't like my revulsion at his spitting! As luck would have it, I had bought a cheap cell phone in the mall so I was not totally abandoned. Why does nobody in Florida speak English?
I called the shuttle company to find out where Senor El Gobbo was but couldn't understand the guy at all.
Eventually after a while it transpired that Mr Hoick was elsewhere and his replacement was waiting outside entrance 3 for me. Bloody good job I had a cell phone then, or I'd still be there.
This happy little chappie was from the Czech Republic and had come over to Fort Lauderdale to learn English. I think he should ask for his money back. He now speaks crappy Hispanic English with an East European accent.
I decided to sit by the pool when I got back, armed with a frozen Mojito and a good book (Eddie and Nina, Debs).
Lo and behold, meet Mrs Botox!!
Her lips appeared out of her poolside room door at least 30 seconds before the rest of her. She then proceeded to slink around the pool. After two laps we had all seen enough and got a bit bored so she posed on the edge of the pool just in case we had the memory of a goldfish and had forgotten how stupid she looked!
Why do people do this to themselves? I'm assuming it's voluntary?
I decided to have dinner across the road at the Days Inn. It was recommended to me by the receptionist here. It was really lovely, down on the water's edge, by a marina and the water taxi stop. I ordered a rack of ribs and a Bud and sat in the dying rays of the sun watching the brown pelicans glide over the yachts like prehistoric pterodactyls. Half of the ribs are in the fridge for tomorrow's dinner, their food portions are excessive!
Not sure what to do tomorrow, maybe take the water taxi or go on the trolley bus to the cultural centre (shopping to you and me!).
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