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There is evidence all round as John drove me through this pretty region of his homeland today, that Niewe Niedorp is indeed "gem Holland's kroon", the jewel in Holland's crown.The flatness of the country, though well known, is still a surprise given that 40 years ago travelling with Jane, we kept to the dutch cities with their crowded built up streets. The endless paddocks of colorful tulips, hyacinths and crocuses , acres and acres of them, testify to the color and delight of sparkling gems. They are in sharp contrast to the landscapes of rolling green seen in Devon and the New Forest of Hampshire only a few days ago.
I am going to let the photos do the talking on how much I enjoyed my day exploring with John. They speak for themselves. He spared me a bike ride; The wind was bitter and the miles we travelled to find some tulips more than I could ever have biked. Thermometer only reached 11 degrees today. However, from John's van the windmills, both old and modern, the vividness of the flowers, the wildness of the coast and grey skies, gave me ample images and inspiration for the watercolors I long to recreate when I get back to NZ. Though we covered nowhere near the 850 miles in UK with Heather and John(phew was it really that far?), I feel so pleased with all we saw in this northern part of Holland on a Friday in April 2015. Very contented as you will see dear reader from the photos. Many of the tulips are still not blooming as it has not been so sunny. Tomorrow on the train south to Amsterdam there may be more blooming to see. Emmalee, John and I are going to visit the Ryjkes museum, which has an incredible Rembrandt collection and has been recently renovated. I will inspire them to be "culture vultures". I am aware it is not John's "thing" this standing in line to see paintings. So I am touched that he has offered to accompany me, but just for the morning. Roy will be working at the supermarket.
The sadness of this household still sits like a thick dark eiderdown over the countenance of this home, one year on from Carla's leaving them. I often become drawn into the darkness of the mood as I too am caught up in missing dear Carla. I find myself angry with her for what she did and for how poorly she was treated by the doctors. I grieve that she is not here to enjoy my visit as we had often planned to do when we wrote via email. In our last correspondence I had promised I was coming to see her. But alas, that dreadful mental turmoil consumes a person to the brink of despair and desperation till they see no way out. Mental illness which will not release its hold on a loved one is the mutual thread which binds John and I. We speak long and often about our experience of marriage to a spouse who we lost in a gut wrenching way; his culminating in a funeral, mine ending in an affair and divorce. We agree that we loved them and always tried our best. We reassure each other over mistakes made and unmet expectations delivered. I like what Lauren Bacall said in response to criticism over leaving her alcoholic husband. I think it is also pertinent in our experience living with an emotionally distressed wife or husband.
"A man's illness is his private territory and no matter how much he loves you and how close you are, you stay an outsider. You are healthy!"
I have visited with John where Carla was found four months after disappearing, the church yard where she is buried, the home where she was born and grew up. But I will not dwell on these places. They have merit in that they record for those left behind memories of how and where she lived. But I will remember her in the legacy she has left in her beautiful children, Roy (16) and Emmalee (14) whom she loved, I know, "to the moon and back". They have written on her headstone, which is still being engraved. "You taught us how to love you, but not how to live without you." Amen to that!
- comments
Jane Rogers Well done Jan. This is very moving and a lovely tribute to Carla and her family. Loving the blog!