JAK: Ok where to start, as you can imagine it's been a long time since I've written anything, so I'm kinda feeling like I'm back at school with a case of writers block... Firstly leaving home was better than expected with out too many tears from either fam's, so rushing and stressed as per usual we made it in to the busiest Heathrow I've ever seen (due to the snow back log) and joined the boys: Walters, Crosswold, Mr Charlie,The fox, Macca and his missus right now this just feels like a holiday, should break us in nicely :) after a quick double JD and coke, standard swift trot to the gate.
We had a right touch getting upgraded to premium "thanks to olivia's family contacts", always helps ;) ta very much, the roast beef and spuds was a nice change after all that xmas turkey pretty decent for plane grub! So a few jd's some pretzels, a film and no sleep later we touchdown in Bangkok, very smoothly may I add top marks BA!
After meeting the boys minus Crosswold as he's stuck in Delhi with no connecting flight ATM (slightly funny I know) we grabbed a cab to The Khao San road.
Arriving buzzing with excitement we weaved our way through the Market stools, looking up at the neon sign lit street looking for our hotel, why we bought any clothes with us I don't know I've just seen every t-shirt you can buy in Camden more Calvins than Bovi Market and more flip flops than outside a Southall mosque!
After dumping the bags at our hotel Rikka Inn with one thing on ours minds we hit the centre bar and ordered some Changs! Getting a bit carried away we decide we needed to head to Patpong night Market the red light district of Bangkok! Racing down the busy streets in our first encounter of the crazy tuk tuk drivers! If you tell them they look like Michael Schumacher your in for a treat , Me and Olivia's mad man driver was weaving in and out of traffic running red lights and wheelying at every opportunity pretty funny after a few Changs. We were dropped off down a right seedy ally where there were some old thai boys trying to lure us into the ping pong show, I knew we weren't at the night market so we walked back to the main road and asked a local the way, only 500m down the road we were soon there. An extensive selection of fake watches every possible brand and more snidey handbags on offer, with the boys buzzing we walked in to the first go go bar we see, around thirtys girls wearing no more than a skimpy bikini and a number badge strut around on a circular stage grinding poles trying to get your attention. Me and Olivia slightly uncomfortable were the first to sit down at the back of the booth, to avoid getting targeted I put my arm around her to be sure they could see I wasn't an eager ST! (sex tourist).We ordered some more Changs and within a few minutes the boys, I won't say who had girls sat on there laps with fake t*** in there face jiggling around talking prices for certain services lol ! The looks on their faces ! Lol like kids in candy shops.
After one there we were hassled on the streets, "ping-pong,ping-pong" didn't take much persuading as you can imagine so all for jokes we climbed up this seedy staircase into a poorly lit room, bench seats surround a small stage and by the door a little bar. These girls are far far from attractive in any way what so ever, bee-stings and hairy motts like 70's budget porn. Boats to match too! We were given a table tennis bat to return the ping-pong balls that were fired from one of these oiled hairy motts, jokes for about a minute until you actually think about the hygiene side of things. After the acts the girls walk around collecting tips which are compulsory I may add , 100 baht a pop! So once we'd seen a string of razor blades revealed from another girl and a cigarette smoked from the beaver of another, (which Olivia lit, as we were all to scared to go near that bush!) it was starting to get pricey and we'd had enough for one night and tried to leave, I say try because as we got close to the door this old thai woman starts shouting and waving her arms about demanding 1000baht each that's twenty quid, we'd bought beers and tipped the minging girls! As you'd imagine we were getting right scammed! Olivia and I stood back and let the boys get on with it as it started to get very heated with all the girls rushing around shouting and pushing, at one point Charlie was about to knock this old thai woman out so we gave them 200 baht each and they unlocked the door so we could scarper. The boys were fuming I thought it was quite funny tbh. We got tuk tuks back to the khao San as Ryan should be arriving on his delayed flight from Delhi he's gonna be gutted to of missed the ping-pong encounter.We plotted up in the centre bar which will become our local boozer for stays down the khao San, it wasn't long until we sampled the Samsong and red bull buckets which is a thai brewed whiskey apparently full of amphetamines, rocket fuel ! By the time Ryan rocked up we were pretty smashed so a little while later we left the boys and retreated as we wanted to do the long boat tour around the local rivers in Bangkok.
In the morning feeling slightly worse for wear we called Ryan and Charlie to go get some breakfast, they hadn't been to sleep yet! Ryan told us how they'd been chased around the streets by some locals because Charlie had relieved himself on a closed shop front, they didn't take to this very lightly and proceeded to shout at them and push them about so like a midget at an urinal they were on there toes, sprinting through the alleys with Thais hot on there hills until he gets taken out by a flying kick to the ribs! Obviously another local heard the commotion and wanted to play the hero. Luckily they managed to escape a proper beating. After this experience they decided to go for a early morning massage and Ryan corrupted the poor masseuse into giving him a happy ending! I don't think it had been long since she'd left their room. Charlie was badly bruised and dead to the world so we left him to sleep it off and went down to the nearest restaurant. Ryan was definitely still pissed at this point, relating to everyone as his many girlfriends, he was the typical S.T. Brit abroad. After a bite to eat we met Foxy And Walters and went for a walk to find the river, we Chartered a long tail boat which took us down the river through these little shanty towns, all the huts vary from steel shacks to kinda nice river side pads but the poorer ones use this river for life, they fish here, wash their clothes, cutlery and them selves I wonder where there waste goes, yep in the river! Later that day the boys: Charlie, Foxy and Walters were getting a sleeper bus to Koh Samui so just me Olivia and Ryan grabbed a pad thai from the street stalls and chilled in a live music bar, you find a lot of these places have live music and to be fair the one man bands are decent playing a bit of everything they struggle a little to pronounce some of the words but none the less good voices and defiantly know how to strum a string. Koh samui tomorrow morning via plane!! ;)