Flumpa Hi Ricky, Hi Hoolie, though I've spoken to you both I felt the site needed a little message to bring it up to date with news chez Mailley. I hope that you have now found peace and refuge from the jobbie-clearing with the party animal that is Mr Rob Nyland, down in sunny Oz. When you feel suitably refresehed (or should that be drained and even more broke?!) 'twil be highly exciting to have you both back. Can't promise we can match the weather, (is horrid today), but will try to match your holiday experiences by drinking heavily and leaving presents in the porcelinry.....(I know, I'm too generous, but for you guys, anything.....!) Things here in northern Tamworth are all groovey, if a bit hectic. Wedding plans are coming along nicely ish, apart from drunken alcoholic wedding planners being sacked and leaving us with a bit of a mess, but nothing we can't sort out. With a large stick and maybe some tall hairy mates. Or an aggressive rabid dog.... And today is my first day of not smoking. Again. Am chewing funny tasting gum as we speak, hoping not to have committed a violent crime before you get back....is touch and go at the moment! Anyway, let us know when you have a definite date for touchdown in the glorious U.K. Love always, Flumpa XX

The Mad Librarian Hi Julia and Rich, Have just read all your adventures on this site and looked at your photo albums - the Mexican hostel with the horizontal door and the cars hanging down from the sky is amazing. I presume they're hung on really large hooks? Must be a nightmare for the metermaid to do her job. Anyway, greetings to you both. Hope NZ has managed to provide you with a little more excitement than can be found in the porceleinry of motel rooms and the contents theirin. See Julia, I told you there had to be jobs worse than the Circulation Department. Best John Wort

Rich Right you lot, listen here. It's been almost a month since anyone's written anything on this most splendid of websites and it's not bloody good enough. We're currently spending seven hours a day cleaning out motel crappers on NZ's wet west coast and quite frankly it rather encourages the onset of boredom. As such, any news (no matter how trivial or unimportant it may seem) would be much appreciated. With your help and support I will be able to get off to sleep of a night without counting turds swimming through u-bends. Thankyou. PS. If I don't hear from you soon, I may just happen across a turd with your name on it floating around out there somewhere. Bless you all.

Ma and Pa Hail and Well Met, Dear Ones, We, your Mama and Papa, have received a most worried message from Jane/Mama-in-NZ. Is she not yet acquainted with the whereabouts of your good selves? We have replied to her missive but felt somewhat sneaky and mean not having enlightenedher with regard to your devious plans. Naturally, we are delighted that you have journeyed so far and so safely, though we fear that the Antipodes are already exerting what can only be described as a woeful influence upon your persons. As your many friends and acquaintances will testify, you would never have indulged in such bawdy behaviour were you here, in the Heart of our glorious Empire (God Bless her Majesty). Take heed. Be of good character and behave with dignity at all times. As ever, we remain your loving parents. XX

R.J.Mailley Esq. Oh dear..... It would appear that your foreign affairs correspondent extraordinnaire has somehow become somewhat inebriated between setting down in Auckland airport and arriving at a suitably luxurious location from which to relay this electronic mail.Oh well. While as an English gent I take full accountability for my own alcolhol-fuelled actions (even those which are not actually my fault), I would like to express my gratitude to the Hardy family of Auckland (or just north thereof) for kindly helping me to reached this most blessed and coveted level of (un-)consciousness....huzzah ! Anyway, enough of my irrelevent and unintelligible ramblings. I would also like to convey my congratulations to Duke Webb and Duchess O'Byrne for their hearty and soul-stirring correspndence regarding their travels in foreign climes ! Huzzah for keeping alive the pioneering spirit of The Empire (no, not Darth Vader's), and boldly wandering down under to endure a mighty bout of drinking with Sir Robert Of Nyland. It was indeed most rousing to hear of your travels thus far, but I eagerly await news of whether you survived the fore-mentioned night on the tiles with the truly legendary Sir Robert. Can anyone truly expect to keep up with the man who single-handedly navigated the River Danube in a diminutive craft made of a rubber-based material following a drinking session of truly gargantuan proportions ? I fear not ! Please send immediate news post-haste forthwith if you are indeed still alive, my bold-hearted adventurers ! In the meantime, in time honoured fashion of one who has indulged too much in the pleasures of the grape, I shall retire to bed, where I shall fart and snore with the ferocity of twenty men. While I am there, keep well and be glad that you are nowhere near my ever-fluttering duvet. For now, adieu. Ricardo et Hoolius Tipsyus Maximus xxx

Dave and Rhian Hola Mi Amigos, Tis been a while since we pondering the great wandering prose of Mr Richard and indeed have used our time most satisfactorily in catching up to yours and with others lives atthe moment. Here we find ourselves in Sydney having roasted, fried and basked in the heat and sun of the fine Australian summer. We have just spent over two weeks in fine NZ and dined at a nice pizza restaurant with Jane and was nice to catch up with her and speak to old Les on the phone. We spent a few days in Akaroa with Ross and Rhythm and cruised (well a six hour journey) to Wanaka for Hamish and Lindy's wedding at the fine estate of Mr and Mrs Fraser with 150 people in the sun and with 100 dozen bottles of beer and more than a few cases of champgne and wine. A merry wedding it was and great to catch up with so many nice people and triumph our endurance for a party until the early hours - we left at 6am and the bride and groom were still celebrating on. Carnage ensued and many sore heads were found lazily sipping beer slowly the next day. In recovery we spent the next day and then got the hire car nice and dirty and dusty taking the road up the Matukituki Valley to climb up to a splendid Alpine Valley at the base of the Rob Roy Glacier - a mere 3 hour return walk on a beautiful day in the mountains and even experienced an avalanche that crashed into the valley below. We headed off the visit Ross at his parents' place in Poolburn where Rhian furthered her beloved passion for sheep - I don't follow it myself and maybe now she won't after witnessing the sad affliction of fly strike in one. Need not explain but maggots make me squemish. Onto Dunedin and spent time with my Mum and brother and wee Tomas - all are fine and well. Showed Rhian around the lot of the Peninsula and saw two new born Albatross chicks out at the Royal Albatross colony - unbelievably the only mainland place in the world where they breed. Valentines day was spent camping out of Dunedin with the sandflys which just loved Rhian and a primus that didn't work, but the rain subsided and the sun came out and we had a nice time cooking dinner over a fire - which with my great bush skills turned out nicer than it would have on the cooker (it was thirty years old and one that my Mum and Dad took touring around South America). So a last night in Christchurch was spent out for dinner with Ross and Rhythm, Kirst who was off the fags and ill so she could partake in the drink and two hours sleep before getting up at the more ungodly hour of 4.30 to get to the airport. Off to Sydney and out for a big day with Rob and some friends we met on our travels in Hannoi to the Good Vibrations Gig headed by James Brown - fantastic end to a big day out and not to mention sozzled and suitably battered. Tomorrow is our last day here and off snorkelling this arvo with Rob out at Gordon's Bay near Coogee and then back to Old Blighty - yippee!???? Its been fun and we wish we could have caught up - but not to be - so see you in the UK - Have fun for the rest of your tripping in Sth Am and look forward to more of your tales. Big Love and Hugs The 2 Dudes xxxx Wee footnote from Rhian: Cool one maties! Glad that you're out there experiencing all that travelling life has to offer and challenge us. Can't wait to catch up on the stories back in England. P.S Wedding dates still to be confirnmed but looking more like early October now. Will let you know as soon as we know!!!

Jane Greetings from down under. It's been great hearing about all your experiences - good, bad and frankly outlandish. Can't wait for the book to come out! Great to catch up with Dave and Rhian in Dunedin last night - needless to say, a good time had by all. Reminds me that next month you'll be heading to NZ shores. Not too long now until we get to see you both. There's a little boy over on the West Coast who can't wait to see his auntie and uncle. Travel safely. Bye for now. Lots of Love, Mum/Jane

Rich and Hoolie Well hello once again dear friends, relations and acquaintances of a dubious nature and moral standards. It is with great pleasure that I once again find myself in front of a computer monitor, sharing all our news with you, and all our flatulence with the other patrons of the internet cafe. To be quite honest, I have relatively little news to impart since our death-defying expedition to Maccu Picchu. However, what little there is, I´m more than happy to bore you rigid with. So then, if you´re exceptionally pissed off at work or can simply think of nothing better to do, then I´ll begin... After completing the Inca Trail in one piece, we decided that we should celebrate in an appropriate manner, and set off into Olde Cusco Towne to partake of the odd beverage or two. What actually ultimately happened is, needless to say, somewhat foggy, though my dear wife and I are agreed on the fact that a rather less-than-civilised mixture of drinking and dancing was involved, followed by a leisurely zig-zag home at 3.30 the following morning. If the only scheduled engagements pencilled in for the following day had included lounging on the chaise-longue sipping recovery G&T´s, there would have been no problem at all. Unfortunately, this was not the case as we had decided to endure a seven-hour bus trip (in standard class, no less !) to the town of Puno on the coast of Lake Titicaca. Though the journey was les than pleasent, we endured it with what dignity we could and eventually arrived at our destination in the early evening. Upon looking around the town the following morning, we rather wished that we hadn´t bothered putting ourselves to such pains to travel there. While admittedly the town does have a relatively pleasing town square, the rest - I am afraid to say - can at best be described as a malodourless dump. Speaking of malodourless dumps, my dear wife once again contracted a dicky tummy here, ensuring that our experience of the town was as miserable as possible. We had attempted to book a tour of some villages on the lake with a drunken boat captain, but due to my wife´s afore mentioned affliction, this did not prove advisable so we decided instead to barricade oursels in our hotel room and watch a succession of appalling films on cable television. We subsequently decided to journey to a town called Arequipa, which we had read rather plesant reports of. The town itself dates back to Inca times, and is situated rather close to a few volcanos and a couple of deep canyons - ideal for such intrepid and fearless explorers as ourselves (no big spiders, either). We promptly booked a two-day walking tour of the nearby Colca Canyon, which is well known for its depth, natural beauty and as a nesting place of the mighty condor. Unfortunately, it transpired that the tour was not so much an exhilerating hiking experience, as a tedious minibus tour through some rather dull scenery, culminating in the first day in our arrival at the town of Chivay. Chivay was to be where we were to spend that night before forging onwards to the canyon the following day. It promptly rained very hard indeed the minute we set foot outside, and we were forced to seek shelter in the nearby "English Pub". It was only marginally more pleasant inside than outside, so after a quick drink, we headed back to our hostel. Our hostel itself was basic, and our hostess can at best be described as unenthusiastic. However, it was a roof to stay under while we waited for our equally unenthusiastic tour guide to collect us for a trip to the nearby natural hot springs. Being British, I was of course taken aback somewhat by the idea of bathing in public, but not wanting to offend the locals, I forged on and found the experience really quite satisfactory indeed. It was quite strange to be sitting outside in a pool of hot water, feeling the rain falling on one´s head while appreciating the view of the nearby hills. Splendid. That evening, we were taken to a restaurant, where we were treated to a fine performance by some local musicians. We participated in some traditional dancing with them (they danced, we careened) which was another most satisfactory experience indeed. The following day saw us waking at the ungodly hour of 5am in order to reach the part of the canyon which is best for viewing condors from. I feel that I should point out here, dear friends, that we were somewhat bored of the trip by this point as we had been expecting to hike through the canyon in all of its rugged glory. Not get ferried around in a minibus over pot-holed roads to get out and look for what proved to be an elusive, oversized vulture. Anyhow, we endured this and the five hour trip back to Arequipa, wondering all the time whether an arson attack on the tour operator´s office could be justified to the local costabulary. We decided to try some of the local wine while we considered where we might stand legally on the matter, but it seems we tried enough wine to convince us to abandon the matter and go to bed. Seeing no reason to stay in Arequipa any longer, we headed directly for the southern town of Tacna the following morning, from where we could cross the border into Chile. And so it is, dear fellows and fellowettas, that we are in the Chilean town of Arica. We have just booked tickets for a 30-hour bus journey to Santiago, and the bus leaves at 11.30 tonight. Needless to say, we are not especially relishing the thought of this journey, but at least our destination is close to the coast, where we will be able once again to lie motionless while slowly frying. That is all the news for the moment, and I hope that it´s killed a couple of minutes for you. Hopefully the next time I interrupt your pleasant reveries, it will be to impart something of interest....who knows. Anyhow, we´re off for a pint, so toodle-pip ! Much love as always, Rich and Hoolie.

rob greetings everyone. sorry i havn't been in touch. hope you all had a suitably festive and enjoyable xmas and new year. this is a great idea dave __ looking forward to catching up with you soon. wow! your travels sound amasing julia & rich_ so glad your having such a wonderful time. all for now must dash__ loads of love to you all.

aly & chris I have emailed you today with all our news but just wanted to say Hi here as well. Wow Rich - that was some epic entry you just made - and not even a break in the lines!!! Too much for me to read at once - had to keep coming back to it. Must be old age but I can only take so much info at one time!! What adventures you are having - it's like an Indianna Jones script. Glad to hear that you two are over the worst! Take good care of yourselves. Aly x

Ma and Pa Hello you two and everyone else! We type under a cloud of dust and debris as the builders have just ripped down some ceilings in the cottage and are set to do all manner of horrid dirty things in the coming weeks. The end result had better be worth it and we just hope to retain some small measure of sanity. Lovely to hear of your exploits. Makes us feel very boring, but hey! we're camping too - even though it is on the living room floor! Must go now and smash up a beam or two. Toodle pip for now! All love, Ma and Pa XX

Rich and Hoolie Greetings to you all ! I trust that you are all in fine fettle and doing really rather splendidly. I thought that I would take the liberty of interrupting the inevitable drudgery of your working day in order to regale you with tales of our recent adventures high in the Pervian Andes. If you are once again sitting comfortably (perhaps having excused your rather irksome employer with a rather dismissive wave of your impeccably manicured hand), I will tell you a tale of ancient civilizations, majestic mountains, death-defying walks in the clouds and quite possibly the most putrid lavatorial facility in the southern hemisphere... We left the ancient city of Cusco (meaning literally "navel of the world" in the native dialect) at the rather ungodly hour of a quarter to six in the morning on the day of our Lord, January 28th, 2006. I should explain at this point that we were actually really rather fortunate to be in a position to be able to do this at all, owing to a not inconsiderable oversight on our part. Unbeknownst to us, the famous Inca Trail to Macchu Piccu is actually closed down during the month of February for vital repair work. This we discovered when in Lima during the last few days of January. With a string of utterances which I fear may have turned Lima´s air really rather blue indeed, we reserved seats on the next available flying machine to Cusco, where, as we may have told you already, we acclimatised to the atltitude, visted some ancient sites of historical and religious significance, and recoverd from a a somewhat debilitating bout of food poisoning. Anyway, I digress. We set off along the pre-Hispanic pathway and became accustomed to the novelty of physical exercise surprisingly swiftly, rather savouring the bracing fresh air whilst taking in the magnificent vistas of mountains and valleys all around us. The walk was made somewhat easier by the fact that the team of porters accompanying our expedition were responsible for carrying our tents, food and cooking equipment (silver cutlery, linen tablecloths etc etc) These hardy fellows often dashed past us, carrying bundles the size of which made my pipe and hip-flask case look really rather insignificant. They would run ahead of us in order to ensure that when we reached our camp site (after approximately six hours´walking on the first day), our tents were already assembled, a refreshing cup of tea was awaiting us, and that a hearty meal was already cooking on the stove. Remarkable stuff, really. After a most excellent meal which was fit for a king (and even yours truly), we retired to our tents to don our finest pyjamas and slide deftly into our sleeping bags to sleep soundly through the night. We were awoken with a steaming cup of coca tea at five o´clock the next morning, and thus began the adventues of the second day, which we had been informed was very challenging indeed. It was actually not an altogether unpleasant start to the day, though it was marred slightly by the fact that I was unable to shave (this owing to a rather unfortunate collision with a llama and my trusty barber, which regrettably caused the latter to topple off the side of the mountain trail the previous day). The day saw us climbing ever upwards until eight hours later we reached the infamous Dead Woman´s Pass at an altitude of some 4,200 metres. The pass is thus named not because there is some old crone decomposing on the roadside there, but because the shape of the surrounding peaks resemble a lady lying on her back. Were I not the refined gent that you all know me to be, I might muse that due to the afore-mantioned resemblance, the pass could have been given many other names, including, for instance, Old Slapper´s Pass etc etc. Anyhow, enough of such trivialities. We reached our campsite once again at about half past four, where, as usual our trusty porters had a range of refreshments ready and waiting for us. It was at this site where my dear wife started to again to suffer from a less-than-settled stomach, and it indeed proved somewhat unfortunate that the bathroom facilities were some way away from our tent... The following day was a very easy day indeed, and took us through various different types of scenery, including humid forest and exposed hillsides while all the time of course being surrounded by the mighty Andes which were themselves often shrouded in mist or cloud. We only walked for five and a half hours, and arrived at our campsite in time for a late luncheon at two o´clock, which was most satisfacory indeed. While other members of our group spent the afternoon wandering aroun the area, I accompanied my dear wife while she slowly recovered from the upset stomach which had been troubling her so the previous day. Unfortunately this recovery was not complete by the night time, when we were forced to journey deep into lavatorial hell. I shall not venture into detail here, though I will say that at times it was difficult to distinguish between the floor of the lavatory and the lavatory itself. At last dawn broke on the fourth and final day of our expedition, and your intrepid yet modest friends arose at four o´clock in the morning to face the challenges and excitement which we knew lay ahead. After two hours´walking along narrow stone pathways hewn out of the moutainside, we reached the Sun Gate, where we caught our first view of the ancient lost city of Macchu Piccu as the clouds and mist parted to reveal it in all of its wonder, encircled by majestically towering peaks. We enjoyed walking around the city, accompanied by our most knowledgable guide, who explained that the city had taken approximately one hundred years to build between 1430 and 1530. The city was never discovered by the marauding Spaniards, who one can only presume were too busy slaughtering other indigenous people elsewhere too look for it. The local Peruvians, it transpires, never forgot the city´s existence, and some had even been farming part of its terraces before Hiram Bingham stumbled across it in 1915 and proclaimed that he had found a lost city. Anyway, the city was truly magnificent, and we climbed a further perilous peak (often we clung to the moutainside with only our teeth) which provides the city with its postcard back-drop and were rewarded with views the like of which I have never seen before, and sincerely doubt that I shall again. And so it is that we are back safe and sound in Cusco, where we have enjoyed a warm shower (no such facilities were available to us, and I must confess to chuckling to myself that as such, the walk could be re-named the Stinca Trail), and have just brekfasted on a veritable mountain of eggs and bacon. As far as our future plans are concerned, those in the immediate future involve finding a suitable gentleman´s club for a spot of sherry, while the more long-term plans include venturing south-east. We shall first head to the town of Puno which is situated pleasingly close to Lake Titicaca, and then on to Arequipa, where we intend to do some more walking. There is a volcanic moonscape nearby, and also a canyon which at twice the depth of the Grand Canyon, should keep those dasded Yanks quiet for a minute or two, what ! And so ends, my dear friends, this most recent instalment of our Peruvian odyssey. What the future holds, we can only guess at, but rest assured that we shall strive ever onwards with steely determination, stiff upper lips, and - if the past is anything to go by - loose bowels. As we do so, take care of yourselves and feel free to provide us with news from Blighty´s fair (if somewhat turd-laden) shores. Cheerio, Richard and Julia. PS - I forgot to mention that my barber has turned up alive and relatively well after his collision with the llama. You will be pleased to hear that as a result my facial hair is now back to a respectable length and no longer concealing pieces of meals past.

David Lambert III of Warrington Well our friendly folk - cant wait to see some photos and have enjoyed the emails greatly. Especially whne at work and watching the rain altough not convinced of this technological business of web posting I shall try anyhow. It would not be real travelling if you didnt have atleast a few bouts of food poisnoning.... just think a few other things to come; - realise no film in camera or forgot to insert card - loose keys to hostel - miss train Well has been reasonably quiet here to be honest. Would imagine it is partly down to the post xmas its freezing winter thing.... have spent a few hours recently in a warm environemnt as RM knows well and have been pondering the years travel which should be good. Although for all our planning is going to be a busy old year trying to fit it all in. Both our families are over, have 3-4 weddings as well as 2 sets of friends coming to visit. Lookin forward to you next adventures - big up respect from the crew..... DJ

Hoolie Greetings from Peru Contrary to popular opinion, we think Lima is quite nice so far - lovely hostal - this said we haven't seen a huge amount of it as yet as we are once again struck down with food poisoning. We spent poor old Rich's birthday in varying states of unwellness and are still recovering today so must again take it a bit easy. We had only just recovered from the last bout which we experienced in the tourist hellhole that is Playa del Carmen, from eating healthy bread from WallMart - the injustice of it all!!!! So we saw Playa del Carmen mainly from our room, thankfully it had it's own facilities..... I won't elaborate. When we did feel a bit better and ventured down to the beach it was like visiting another planet, 3 giant spaceship type cruise ships were looming just offshore it was all very eerie. So a bit of a crap end to our Mexican travels but we had been spoilt everywhere else we went so no bother really. We leave Lima tomorrow for Cuzco, we managed to sneak onto the last tour of the season - they shut down for February - so thought it best to get there quick and recover properly and acclimatise to the altitude cos Rich had some problems with this in Mexico City, so we fly off there in the morning and hope we feel better by then. So we'll bid you farewell for now, take care all. Love Julia and Rich

Rich & Hoolie Hi once again all. Just a quick one to let you know that we`ve landed in Peru and have spent the day wandering around Lima, which is a very nice city. No sightings of Paddington yet - perhaps we need to go deeper into some darker bars... I seem to be fully up to date with e-mails now thanks - don`t know what happened with all that. Anyway, love to all and will be in touch soon.