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ULURU you cheeky b*****s!
So, we're here... sweltering like gummy bears in a bag. I've stuck to Mo's arm on more than one occasion, and its lasted around 2 seconds per stick... Which is an impressive amount of time.
Roll on... So New Years eve... My oh my. We started early, cracked open our 'Duty Free' Honey Jim Beamy around 5.30pm. Gave us an hour to guzzle this nectar down before heading to our New Years bar crawl party starting around 6.30. Jimmy was SAAAWEEET! We ended up swigging this delicious boogie juice on the rocks, no Diet Coke needed, No Sir!
We got happy... Lost track of time... 7pm. Ooophs. We had to power walk it to the first Bar... 'The Jack', whilst knocking back the last of our Jimmy in plastic cups. Everyone was there, getting boozed. I was pumped.
For some reason... Me and Mo decided to head back to the hostel. Think Mo wanted to change? I don't know? Can't remember... I do remember some funny little Indian man in our room offering me a chewing gum and some coffee. Which made me giggle.
Okay... So I lied. Just got Moses to proof read this... I've learnt that we actually went back to the hostel, not to change... But to help sober me up a bit?! News to me! Apparently the people in our room were still deciding what to do! They weren't even on the daymn pre-drinks yet!! Then, boom! Enters Heather... Flops on the bed... Moses waters me like a Baptist minister... And that's when my memory must've kicked in, because soon after, the Indian dude, creeps up like a little wizard offering me coffee and chewing gum. I do remember laughing in his face.
We caught up with the rest of the clan. Giligans was the next place. This joint was MASSIVE. Party palace! So many people! An elderly French couple who we bumped into previously were in there too. I'm thinking these guys were hitting around late 60s/70s?! I got my boogie on. The Frenchman got ballsy, asked me for a dance. "OF COURSE!"
Worse decision of my life...
"He lika the merchandise!" (Ron Burgundy quote there - watch Anchorman 2!)
Oh God. This Frenchman thought he was Michael Flatley or something?! Hands wrapped around me tighter than a sushi roll! Prancing about the joint... Jesus! I thought he was gunna have a heart attack! At this stage Moses was trying his hardest to look as if he didn't know me... One of the party dudes walks up to him...
"You know her, don't you?"
"No..."
"Isn't that your bird?"
"No"
Lucky for Moses, he doesn't have that responsibility. I wriggled away from Frenchy... and watched all the other antics evolve on the dance floor, it was hilarious. They had a dance off between two couples... Half way through, they asked the girls to take their tops off... they bottled it (saved their dignity)... So yeah, was lucky I wiggled away when I did!!
The bar crawl continued... I carried on, boogying, making a prat of myself... All the while, me and Moses played Cat & Mouse with the weird French couple... We went slightly off track, and bumped into a couple of guys from Israel. Turns out they were looking for the same bar as us. We teamed up, gave up with the bar hunt, and squeezed through the crowds of people to watch the fireworks along the waterfront. It was beautiful. The band's we're playing, fireworks kicking off, little kiddies were running around like little cheeky chickens. Was brilliant. Great way to pull the curtains on 2013. Me, Mo and the Israelites wandered around together afterwards, on the hunt for milkshake. Their stories were cracking us up. They were both motorbiking around Australia! Sounded awesome! They also told us they could help us out with work, if we're interested. One of their dads owns a snorkelling company!
I'm f***ing glazed! Sorry, just caught a reflection of myself in the kindle. I look like a polished egg! So hot here! 8pm, the sun has done his shift, and its still boiling.
Slight headache the next morning... We thought we'd be polite, and face timed the peeps back home. Party round the Coggers!! It must've been around 1am (UK time)... Yeah, they were all pretty hammered. International drinking was soon to commence.
Thanks Ben for being so concerned about our hydration levels...
Mo brought down the bottle of Jimmy. Bearing in mind... It was about 10am for us, New Years day...
"We like to drink with Moses, coz Moses is our mate, and when we drink with Moses, he downs it all in... 8... 7,6,5,4..3..2..1!!!"
"Ahhh, Oooohhh... Your turn Heather!"
Oh f***... straight Honey Jim Beam... 10am... Piece of cake...
I'm gunna throw it out there... Knocked it back like a croc. Bravo to me.
Cherry on top, was watching my dad down a Guinness like an absolute unit.
I'm sweating at the pits?! And my fingertips are starting to stick to the kindle as I type... I'm turning into jelly baby, so I'm having a break...
And we're back! The face time session was hilarious! Matt Barrie!! Keep your mitts off my Mum! You cougar huntsman! We did get some strange looks in the hostel... We decided to cool off in the pool... Whilst pissed. Moses thought it would be highly amusing to jump on my head. Almost bloody drowned I did! This is karma for separating in NZ. We proceeded to sip the Jim Beam... This resulted in us getting the Bourbon giggles as we walked around town that morning. Struggling to piece sentences together... Hey?! It's New Year!
Since our New Years antics, we've kinda been on a shopping spree... Checked out the shopping malls in the area, went out for some grub, been to Cairns Zoo! Cairns Zoo, is directly above the casino. So you end up looking through the trees on that floor, and BAM! You can see Cairns from up high! The zoo was bloody brilliant. The birds fly freely on that floor, parrots, Cockatoos, Kukaburra birds, these Crain/Shag looking things... They had Koalas! They cracked me up! Little, chubby bums, strong hands and a gormless look on their face. We got chance to feel them too! Their all soft and cuddley!
We found a curious Cockatoo... He was getting all Shawshank on the situation, burrowing away at the ground. Me and Mo crept up behind. Cockatoo didn't like this. He stopped a couple of times (think this was a warning for us)... The third time, he wasn't having any of it! He got all chasey, went for Mo's shoes!! Was so funny! There's a video and everything! Just can hear me, pissing myself laughing in the background! Funny s***.
3pm, we watched the King of Cairns munch his lunch. That's right folks, we watched a crocodile feed! The zookeeper lady hung a pole over the barrier, with a dead bird on the end. Not sure how the other birdies felt about that, but hey! Man's gotta eat?! This dinosaur looking motherf***er was 4m long... long enough I say! Apparently they can grow up to 7m long! Crazy! 7m of muscley, armoured dino croc! Snap you up like a French fry! She teased him! Made him look like a right pansy! But he was an impressive, gallant beast! He showed her who was boss, ate this bird like a marshmallow! Gulp, gone! Bon appetite!
So that's pretty much our stay in Cairns, in a nut shell! We're gunna have to start looking for work soon... uurgh! Like normal people! UUURRGGHH!
The plan is to head down to Brisbane... though we might check out a couple of things on the way... Rainforest around here... Theme parks... Beaches... Then we'll get sensible... phhhffftt!
Quotes of the Day
Me: "What's that film with three brothers in it?"
Mo: "4 Brothers?"
Me: "Oh yeah..."
(Some random Aussie walking past) "It was like so f***ing soggy, just f***ing soggy!"
Me to Aviv "Where are your nipples? You don't have any nipples?"
Aviv "I donated my nipples to an African child... Look there he is!"
Christmas Grip - When someone has hold of your testicles
Heather "I've got DOMS, suppose I can let my muscles repair..."
Moses (in the most Goblin voice ever) "The muscles are repairing Sire!"
Greasy Camp man in the aboriginal art shop... "*GASP*... excuse me Madam! But you cannot take pictures in here! These artists are still alive, and we need to protect their copyright."
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