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Ok, so I have had a chance to get some of the handwritten journal entries into electronic form on my computer, so here are the first three days' entries. I apologize for the wait, but I am trying really hard to get the rest typed up so I can start posting them when they actually happen as opposed to weeks late! I guess this 's what happens when the laptop battery dies! Here's the blog entry from April 3, the day I left the States.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I'm in the air right now leaving Medford, and I've just realized that this is it.It's happening, and there's no turning back now.Just a couple more flights and I'll be in India.
Sitting in the airport with my family and then giving them hugs goodbye was a very bittersweet set of events.I'm excited to go, but at the same time realize that I'll have less contact with my family and all my closest friends than ever before.But, at the same time, I'm envisioning myself being independent and strong throughout this experience, and I'm confidant I will be just fine (better than fine) on my own for three months.It's kind of like leaving home for college every term - three months without my family, doing what I need to, and having a good time in the process.Except while I'm away at college, I get to go back to the same support network every time.This time when I leave home, my support network and friends are, at this point, people I've never met.Yet, I still have ties to the friends and family at home, so really I have two support networks; this is a very comforting feeling right now.I'm still not quite sure what to make of my emotions (and believe me, there are many!)I had my time to say bye to Carson (which was pretty hard) and my family and other friends at school, and I've had months to research India and talk through my fears about going.Now is the time to be excited.I should have called Carson in the airport to spread my excitement and tell him about my anticipation, but instead I became sad and did not sound excited at all.I can't take my first step in India while thinking about who and what I am missing at home.I won't be satisfied with myself and how I perform in this opportunity if I spend all my time thinking about home.I think that's the surest way to block myself from taking in the culture and really getting the most out of this experience.I'm still a little nostalgic right now, but in the next twenty-four hours, I sure hope I've psyched myself up for what's sure to be an exciting, eye-opening, educational, one-of-a-kind, amazing experience!
It's been an emotional trip these past four days.I was happy to see Carson for the last time, then I was sad when he had t go back up to Corvallis.I was scared and uneasy thinking about leaving in just a few days, then I became relaxed and excited at the opportunity ahead.After that, I was indifferent simply because I was too busy packing to think about anything else.When it was time to say my last good-byes to my family, I was sad again, then in the airport I was unsure and a little uncomfortable as I was on my own, not sure what to expect, especially in regards to my long international flights ahead and the new surroundings.Then came excitement and anticipation when I realized I will be getting much more clinical experience than I've ever had and a chance to see some pretty cool solutions to new healthcare problems.And now I'm just ready for this tiny plane to land!
It's almost time to wander through SFO with my overstuffed backpack and mind racing.I've been writing in my little owl journal for a good part of this hour-and-a-half long flight, and I think the guy across the aisle from me has been giving me weird looks every now and then.That's okay, I need to make sure I document this trip as it is happening rather than trying to write in retrospect.As a result, however, I realize that some of the things I think and write may be blunt and maybe even harsh, and I'm sure some of them will be naïve, but that's the only true way to see how I have changed throughout my time in India and how my views and feelings have changed.
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