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Burning Man 7
I looked at the sun and it was still high overhead.It seemed to be mid-afternoon.
I got back to my tent and laid my guitar down on my dusty sleeping bag.My current living situation was almost getting unbearable.There was dust and sand in every crevasse visible from my vantage point at the door.
Amidst the dust on the floor, was the small booklet I was given at the main gate.I figured it would be good to get a sense of what was going on today.
I flipped open to Tuesday and saw tons of potential options.
There was Introduction to Human Sexuality at 1:00pm.Learn about sexual response, safe sex, self-expression, masturbation, non-monogamy and again, safer sex.
Underneath that, was the Evolution of Consciousness Through Tantra at 2:30pm. Learn to awaken your astral energies through tantric meditation, breathing, sound and movement.Useful, but too new aged for me I thought as I flipped the page.
Lesbian Sex 101 at 2:00pm.They probably would not let me into this one even though it might be interesting.
Beer Fest at 4:00pm.Compete for prizes in the Olympics of beer.I circled that one just in case I was around 7:30 and Adapt later.
The pages of random stuff to do just went on and on.Drumming Poetry, beginner Yoga, Weird Underwear Brigade, Pole Dancing, Hunter S. Tuesday, Granny Panty Night, Rubber Chicken Social, Rebirth Ritual, and Towers of Shiva to name a few.There must have been somewhere close to 200 events going on that one day.It was a bit overwhelming.FOMO was an acronym I was experiencing quite a bit out there… "Fear of missing out."
I decided to just throw the book in my back pocket and just ride off. I would let fate steer me that afternoon.
I got on my bike and flipped down my goggles in preparation for any incoming storms.
As I left, I noticed that across the street to my tent were 3 naked women standing in one kiddy pool, getting ready for a full body paint.The stood there, proudly on the edge of the street getting doused from head to toe with hand pumped paint sprayers.I smiled at them as I rode by.They waved and smiled back as blue paint began covering their skin."Good way to start my ride." I thought to myself.
I pedaled a bit further and ended up at Center Camp.In the middle of the ring was a circus tent, surrounded by bike racks and art sculptures.The perimeter of the structure, had 30ft tall flags projecting into the air, spaced every 15ft or so.
Playa info was near by here where you could get information on finding your way around and similar things of that nature. Handy place to visit in a tight spot I said to myself, as I catalogued its location in my brain.
Around Center Camp were several buildings swarmed with people going and coming.There was the Jazz Bar, a bike repair shop, Media Mecca (where documentary film makers come to register), Tangled up in Blues (a soul/ blues club), a gigantic chessboard, and many other interesting ins and outs.
I rode down the road a bit further heading toward the playa and saw a girl playing a small classical guitar under a shade structure.I slowed down to hear as I passed, but saw a small sign that made me stop.Free Spiritual Readings it read.I felt compelled to inquire.
"Can I get a reading?"I asked, as I hopped off my bike and flipped down my black goggles.
The girl with the guitar answered, "Sure, but you will have to wait.Miss Alonza is with someone right now."
"How long do you think?" I inquired.
"Are you in a rush?" she said with a laugh as she set the guitar down.
"No, but I was just curious." I replied, thinking that Lesbian Sex 101 was probably starting soon.
"It wont be too long." She assured me.
"Could I strum the classical while I wait?" I asked despite the fact my hand was still a bit sore from the earlier jamming.
I played a few tunes on the classical, while I sat in the fold out chair.
"Can I offer you a cold drink?" the girl asked.
"Ummm I sure." I said thinking about all the warm water sloshing around in my water bottle hanging from my bike frame.
I sat sipping the cold water, watching the hustle and bustle around center camp.A myriad of cyclists were coming and going in a steady rhythm.It was mesmerizing.
After some time, a woman from inside the tent dressed in a dark purple shawl with draped beads hanging around her neck escorted a man out into the waiting area.Deep lines in her skin traced the bones in her face.She looked like an older woman, yet still keen and vibrant.The years had been good to her physically, though I saw hard experience in her eyes.
"Thanks." he said. "I really appreciate your words."
"You are welcome." she said.
Her dark eyes shifted to me as I leaned back in my seat.
"Are you next?" She asked.
"Ummm, I guess so yea." I said.
"He is next." the girl said.
"Do come in. Please do come in." she asked with her arms pointing me inside.
I followed her, stepping into her dark shade structure through a curtain of beads and thin see-through fabric.
There were a few cushions around the perimeter and a small round table with 3 waxy candles on it.Two benches lay on either side.
"Come, do sit down."She said already at her seat by the flickering lights. "What brings you hear today?"
I began to describe my life.
"So, to basically tell you where I am at the moment I am kind of depressed if that makes any sense.I have been traveling for a while and I don't know." I fumbled.
"Why did you leave?" She asked.
"There were many reasons for leaving like I did, and most I think were dark.Seeking adventure was only a part of it.Escape might have been another.I think change is usually arrived at, due to the need for change.With this trip, I was seeking change.I was looking for something that I could only feel existed.Though, I didn't know what I was looking for exactly." I explained.
She nodded as I told my story.I used my hands often.The emotions swirled inside me.
"There may have been a bad relationship involved. A bunch of stuff happened all at the same time.Dealing with bouts of depression, getting laid off of my job, and a lack of focused direction." I told her."Things were just sort of s***ty and had been for too long.I was in a rut for what felt like several years and was having a hard time getting things moving in the right direction.It makes a person want to leave it all behind."
"Where have you been?" She asked.
"I drove through Boston, Nashville, New Orleans, Austin, Winslow, Phoenix, Joshua Tree, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, Montera, and San Francisco over the past few months or so.Life is a mix of exciting, inspiring, tiring, up, down, and everything in between.It is amazing, but I am getting tired of moving all the time.Life gets a bit lonely at times." I said.
"Leaving home is hard, I know.I have traveled myself. I understand." She said reassuringly.
"I also have recently told my roommates in Boston that I was not going to be on the new lease.This leaves me with nowhere to go even if I were to return to Boston.No job or job prospects, especially with the economy tanking as it is.It seems to me, like there are more dead ends than through streets." I explained."When this festival is over, I will be forced to then figure out all the unknowns in my life" I said."It will be finally time to answer the question, what the hell am I doing?"
"Well, try to answer it for me now." She asked."Sometimes, we simply need to at least try to make the decision and let the rest follow suit."
"The only thing I had in my head that even resembles, a plan is sailing somewhere exotic. That is only a new revelation too, and only due to a friend's inspirational story telling.That would also probably require learning to sail and finding a boat though… no one said it was going to be easy." I said."Sailing around the world still seems like a good idea in the absence of other ideas."
"Seems bold of you." Miss Alonza added.
I knew that it would take some time to get my s*** together though, so I probably needed a place of some sort in the meantime.Maybe in Berkley somewhere I thought.Preferably not on the couch at the metal shop.They didn't have hot water.Plus it's hard to sleep through the shrieks of hand grinders in the morning.Maybe I would just keep moving, if things don't work out I guess.Basically though, I needed to find a sail boat and an apartment in the Bay area before I left Burning Man.I would just be forced to mentally keep my fingers crossed.
She just continued to listen, carefully observing me in the candlelight.
When I was done with that part of the story, I started describing just how I got to Burning Man.The meeting of Star Simpson at the machine shop randomly and getting wrapped up in an art project there.My mood shifted as I reminded myself that it was not all bad.I felt a bit better as I continued.
Miss Alonza stayed quiet, while watching me speak.
I continued to explain with my hands attempting to explain the Fishbug's internal workings…. Now that I think back on it… she probably didn't care how many flame effects were on the spine.
"And, so here I am huddled around 3 candles complaining to a perfect stranger." I finished."What would you do in my shoes?" I asked
The candle wax continued to drip on the table in think gobs.The flame flickered as we spoke, moving with each syllable.
"Well." she said."That seems like quite the trip.I think you already know what you have to do."
I looked at her and wondered if she had been listening to anything I had just said.
"If you go back to Boston it almost seems like a step backwards.You need to acknowledge that and allow yourself to receive the gifts the universe is offering to you.Some of which you have already received.The universe is trying to tell you something and you need to listen.Continue the journey." she said."I feel that your worries will become resolved if you stay with the path you are on.Just use your intuition and have faith in yourself." She said calmly. "The doors will continue to open if you continue to be open."
There was a long pause before she spoke again.
"I wish you the best of luck." She said, bringing a close to our meeting."I feel you will find much of what you need right here." she added, while symbolically picking up a handful of desert floor and dropping it."Remember to stay open and the universe will provide for you."
"Thanks for the advice." I said as we stepped through the hanging beads in her doorway and into the sunshine.
There were a few others waiting for their readings gathered around sipping cups of water.I flipped on my goggles took one last look at the waving Miss Alonza and rode out into the playa.
I am not sure I learned anything new in my meeting with Esmeralda Alonza. (I don't think that was her real name for the record) It did give me one thing though.She gave me a reaffirmation of what I already knew.Sometimes that's all it takes.So, I guess she was right after all when she said I knew what had to be done.Maybe I just wanted to hear someone else say it.I would just have to ride things out and stay open.The East Bay was going to be my new home for a while when Burning Man was over. At least that much I knew.It was a start.
After my encounter with Esmeralda, I was no longer in the mood for the Beer Olympics. I just felt like riding around and mulling over what had just transpired.It seemed like the only thing to do at the moment before my next fire safety shift at the Fishbug later that evening.I could predict one thing for sure though.Wet towel smacking people near the Fishbug's tusks was guaranteed to offer me some clarity in the interim.
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