Hello everyone, i'm having a lazy day so i thought i may give anyone who cares a quick update on my travelling progress. So if you don't want to be made jealous or more to the point bord of my stories, please feel free to shut down your computers now!
I feel naked without my writing and life partner Chris but i'll do my best not to cry over the keyboard!
My sobbing farewells were said to friends and family and i hung on for dear life for the white knuckle ride to the Heathrow driven by Gino ' Lewis Hamilton' De luca. I didn't expect brown pants before i'd even left the ground! After spending a delightful few hours in lines, ques and x rays machines (they even scanned my footwear, i have to admit i do have the look of a non-muslim flip flop bomber!) i finally got my awaiting Aeroflop plane just in the nick of time and thankfully it had 2 wings, some sort of engine, a reasonably sober pilot and i had a seat and wasn't caged in the cargo hold with the rest of the animals! Although i did feel a little compassion with the Patel and Singh families being escorted down the stairs.
Just upon approach to the Asian tarmac i was ruffling through bag to ensure my new issue of Gays was still in there and realised a nice crack across the front of yet another new camera, thats 5 i've broke and lost in 9 months! Some one call Kris Akabusi or Cheryl Baker because that must be a record broken!
Upon arrival having no Thai visa i had to choose carefully which immigration desk worker would be most suseptable to my english smile, so i opted for the overly camp thai man in the corner - worked a charm! I strolled through customs with nothing to declare, i think everything that needed to be declared had been when i was caught in a rather compromising clicnch with the immigration desk boy! I wandered through the arrivals doors in amongst all the white bearded 14yr old thaibride shoppers on the look out for Liza,a gorgeous (she was, and for my sake hopefully still is) who i had met on my previous travels to Oz. Fortnately she was there waiting for me at Bangkok airport and her looks were still of an acceptable standard - result, i hadn't wasted a plane fare!
I arrived in heart of Bangkok to be greeted by 32 degree breathless humdity,the smell of Singha beer and a hint of ladyboy in the air. We only decided to stay one night in the bussle of the Kok mainly to visit one there infamous "Ping Pong" shows that evening. Some quite spectacular scenes of genitle use i've ever seen, will someone please enlighten me as to how a women can drink water with her 'you know what' and turn it into red wine! Amazing.........was she Jesus i ask you?!?!?
A 12 hour bus ride the next day north to Chang Mai, a beautiful city in amongst some stunning scenery. We were then to set off after a days rest from the overuse of beer to go on a 3 day jungle trek. We had a 10 person group for our trip with a nice diverse mix of people - i say nice, apart from the French girl of course. We began with a 3k hike through dense forestry and arrived at a point where we were to elepahant ride. Intimidating to say the least, not because i was getting on something big and smelly, it'd been a week i was used to Liza by now! hehe. But mainly because i never thought that i'd come across another animal with ears as big as my satellite dishes! For the first evening we stayed with local families in a tribal village to live and sleep how they did for the night. We all slept in one hut built on stilts with weak wicker floor and the only electricty they recieved was from an adapted car battery - genius! I did offer to rig them something up but i was quite busy at the time and definately not cheap!
Day 2 of trek began with a muddy shower with a saucepan before we set out to next nights accomodation which was almost identical to the "Im a Celebrity" camp. And it wasn't long before started getting horrific images of a topless David Gest, why didn't think of Mlyeene Klass showering in a white bikini, god only knows! Actually probably everyone knows! We had a great night of drunken dibortuary and a quite uncoventional game of chinese whispers which consisted of about 7 different languages from each corner of the globe. When the first whisper eventually reach me it had ended up "the english bloke with the blonde hair looks a bit queer" I was amazed it got to me, especially when i started.
The final day finished off with bit of bamboo rafting down what looked to be a disease infested river, i'm sure one more to the collection isn't going to make any difference! Then a sleepy bus ride back to Chang Mai to pack up ready to move across the border into Laos. I've so many good stories, i'm sure it'll live up to all of them..................