Hola again one and all, just another ridiculously long boring blog to let you all know that I've managed to pass through a country undetected my police and still have my freedom. Well kind of - Liza's still here!
I arrived at border crossing in Thailand with a treacherous 300yrd long boat journey to endure across the Mekong River to shore Laos. The first night in Laos was spent in rivers edge accommodation, that smelt of what I can only describe as s***! A break however from the pungent smells of armpit! I rose at the crack of dawn the next morning (Liza wasn't too impressed, she didn't even realize I'd brought Dawn back with me) ready for the first of 2 seven hour slow boat rides down the murky waters of the Mekong. The "slow boat" was a rather scary sight and had a striking resemblance to shed you may purchase in the half price bank holiday sale at Homebase with a free lawn mower engine thrown in! During our time on water we bumped in two other Dutch people, 1 of which Liza knew from home. Needless to say I was like beautiful English rose amongst 3 drooping Dutch Tulips!
Our stop off point for night number one was a very little village which only had electricity for 3 hours a day and where the only English the locals knew was how to offer you marijuana, opium, and pretty much any narcotic under the sun! Of course I always say no to drugs but they just never seem to listen.
The next stop was apparently to be city Luan Prabang which turned out to be no bigger than a village, but very picturesque never the less. Due to very confusing nature of the Laos currency and me now being a millionaire (1mil = 50 quid), I struggled to work out in my minute brain how much money I would require to survive for the next few days. With no ATM's in sight I had join a new bank 'The Federal Bank of Liza', never have I enjoyed inserting my 'card' and making so many withdrawals!
A few days here were spent devouring food, beer, beer and food. I also got to experience my first Laos massage. And never have I paid so much to be tortured by a young man for 2hrs, the place I normally go only usually do an hour at a time!
Next stop was Vang Vieng, a 'city' that you could compare to a small Spanish holiday town. Western food, western people, and Friends DVD's playing in every bar. Obviously a favorite of mine so far. This place was famous in Laos for its rubber ring tubing (wasn't quite what I'd hoped for when I heard about it) and kayaking down the Nuang river. The river was lined with about 6 bars where they were quite happy to sell you copias amounts of Beer Lao and send you packing in your ring. We came across some of the biggest spiders I've ever seen, no kidding they were hand size! Obviously bigger than my girly little hands but an exact replica of Liza's manly ones! It was now our final night and both of us were sleeping soundly when suddenly we were awoken at 4am by a man in a balaclava trying to get into our room, so of course being the man that I am I scampered into the bathroom screaming locking the door behind me fearing any damage to my handsome face and left Liza to deal with the prospect of any potential attackers! I think the harshness of her deep vocal tones must have scared the be-jesus out of him.
Following 3 exhausting days lazing by the riverside drinking beer and playing on rope swings, it was time to head south once more to the capital Vientiane. One of the main reasons being I had heard rumors of an ATM somewhere in the city. At last I now had some cash. Being a capital you'd expect things a plenty to occupy your time but unfortunately not. We decided to hire a moped for a day to try and find any points of interest ourselves, but to no avail. Although the death trap of a moped was scary as hell, luckily we found out straight away that the brakes were pretty much non existent, so we took it back and they said they couldn't fix them now but they could make the horn louder!
Off to Vietnam next to sample some dog meat and the wonderful prospect of spending 2 days on a bus until I reach the border, but fortunately it's a "VIP" bus which I know by now is term that is used very lightly in Asia. I'm in seat C8 which I think is next to that chicken that's boarding ahead of me!...................................