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Las Vegas to San Francisco and everything in between!
Bed count = 13/14/15/16
There may be an element of surprise that I have elected not to write this latest instalment from the comfort of any public transport.However I am in a public area and have decided to take refuge in the hostel common room to pit my levels of concentration.I am currently listening to a group of rowdy French folk attempting to play table football off to my right.Their vast array of ill-fitting hairstyles and crazy bandanas should have been my warning sign to eject, but I'm on this holiday to push comfort zones!Therefore I have decided that the fact that they have just knocked over my freshly brewed cup of 'English breakfast' tea will count as their first warning.They know it and I know it….that two more strikes and they're out!
We are currently in San Francisco and staying in a hostel near Union Square for 6 nights.I won't spoil the next blog, but it's actually been pretty good so far with the exception being a large concentration of brash talking, scruffy looking French folk.I want to like them, I really do, but I just can't bring myself to tolerate their moody arrogance and general persona.Also I continue to take a firm stance that women just shouldn't bear the beginnings of a teenage moustache at any point in their life cycle…..end of conversation!Yes I know I'm showing my age, but I'm due to turn 31 in January, so to hell with it….I'm having my 'grumpy old man' crisis this afternoon!Today has actually been eventful so far, as I have survived the second natural disaster of our holiday!I started writing this blog on the edge of the bed, only to kiss the floor when I was jolted off the edge by a local earthquake!The epicentre was quite near, so the room moved a bit, but apparently it was only a small one (~4 on the rictor scale).That said, I dread to know what a large one feels like!Melissa was out shopping during the strike and it will come as no surprise that she didn't feel a thing!Maybe they should introduce women's shoe shopping to the natural disaster emergency action list, rather than ducking under the nearest table for cover.In fact during the actual time that it hit, I think Melissa actually booked herself in for some make up appointment….the word 'oblivious' can't do this chain of events any justice!Anyhow, I'm going off piste here and I should track back to where I left off last time….
So we left Vancouver Island and caught a ferry/bus combination to get to an outer suburb of Vancouver called 'Richmond'.We had pre-booked a hotel/motel nearby the airport for our flight the next day.Despite a lingering wet dog smell, the room was actually quite good for the price we paid and the complex proudly boasted a 'fitness centre'.Being an avid gym goer, I decided to check this out so I could further chisel my beach body for the pending sands of Fiji!Now, I'm sure you are all familiar with someone that talks a lot of rubbish, but fail to back it up with the goods….I think this analogy fairly describes the fitness centre…all mouth and no trousers!Upon arrival I observed a room no bigger than a phone booth, containing 1 x treadmill and 1x rowing machine….that's it!A certain expletive can be substituted for the word 'fit' here and I think that's all we'll say on the matter!So none the fitter, we decided to have a short walk to the nearest convenience store to stretch our legs.As the name suggests 'convenience' stores are usually 'convenient'….but not this one! We walked the full length of the busiest local road for our 'convenient' pint of milk, but at least we got some fitness!When we got there, it was no great surprise that it was suffering the usual identity crisis and posed as part pharmacy and part grocery store.This concept still continues to annoy me, but I am coming to accept it as the norm.I'm not expert, but I'm sure the first rule of marketing is to define a 'unique selling point (USP)' and generally when a place tries to do two things at once, they fail to deliver successfully in either.That place was a 'case in point', as I'll be damned if I could actually find any regular mouthwash in the 'pharmacy' section or any signs of fresh fruit in the 'grocery' section.At this point most obese people seem to buy a packet of crisps (or 'chips') just for the fact that they've walked (or driven) a metric mile with the pipe dream of obtaining the item they actually set off for.Better to leave with something that's going to make you slightly fatter than to leave empty handed!With the concept of creating a regular meal now in tatters, we turned to the 'conveniently' located pizza chain right next door.In the spirit of testing ourselves and others, Melissa decided to forfeit the quick choice option and create her own pizza!The Mexican server had already suffered the biggest mental challenge of the night after Melissa recounted her topping choices several times to him, but the fact that we also wanted to split the pizza in half and have a different set of toppings on the other side seemed to push him over the edge!As my brother often says, 'nothing that a bit of straight talking Yorkshire lip can't sort out'!Order complete and the Mexican servers IQ now up a notch, we were assured delivery of said pizza to our room in a little over 30 minutes…just enough time to power walk the long road back.It's always quicker when you walk back on old steps, so we made the room in good time, which is less than can be said for the pizza delivery.After a bit of physical activity we were both hungry, especially Melissa who was becoming exponentially frustrated as minutes passed the alleged delivery time.After a phone call, we were assured the delivery was en route and alas it finally turned up before cannibalism was considered.Anyhow, we ate heartily that night with the slight rumbling of excitement for the next day.
We woke in good time to get a complimentary bus to the airport and checked in ahead of time.To save on the airfare we would catch a connecting flight to San Francisco and then onto Las Vegas.The first surprise of the day was that we had failed to read the small print embedded behind five internet pages and had to pay to check-in our bags.The other point that made us slightly nervous was the fact that our bags would be automatically transferred between planes as we changed.This requires a bit of trust to be established between passenger and crew members and Melissa felt that it needed further establishment!However, we tagged the bags, said our prayers and crossed all bodily parts in the hope that they would arrive at the other end successfully.We boarded on time and the first flight was short and relatively uneventful, with the only exception being an old man with a severe bout of Turrets Syndrome!I stopped taking offence after about the third obscenity and rapidly realised that everyone on the plane would feel the wrath of his tongue at some point!Once arriving in San Francisco, the changeover was pretty quick and we were soon back in the air but this time we had the token jokers situated right behind us.Foul language, chair kicking and ridiculous statements set me up for a 'deep breathing' challenge for this leg and due to the short flight the challenge was successfully completed without the need to employ a swift backhand!
Even if you are slightly angry, you soon lose that emotion when the plane banks sharply and you see the amazing casinos that line the main boulevard or the 'strip' in downtown Las Vegas.This is not a sight that is uncommon to me, as I have witnessed this a few times before.So many times, I have actually lost count of the number of times that I have been to Las Vegas one way or another!I think it's six or seven now, but the place still never ceases to amaze me.Without fail, an old casino is knocked down and a new one built every year or so, therefore there are always new things to see.After landing we grabbed a cab to our hotel, just off the main boulevard….'Trump Tower'!Opposed to a few places that we have stopped before, this is not a casino but purely a hotel.However this doesn't stop it being ridiculously pristine and over glamorous!Using her organisational powers, Melissa had managed to secure a 'studio apartment' at a very reasonable price…if you're going to go to Las Vegas, you might as well do it in style!Our first option at check-in was to decide how high we would like our room to be and our first mistake was asking for the highest possible option!Luckily I held off my nose bleed as the lift raced up 33 floors to our stop off, but my ears popped at least twice!With some sensory disorientation, we danced a funny jig to the bedroom, only later to be dancing with joy as it was worth the bolt into oblivion!A full range cooker, Jacuzzi bath, spectacular mountain views and a bed fit for a very fat king!After a long days travelling, we decided to treat ourselves to a relaxing evening of room service and wine… simple is best sometimes.
After a lazy morning we were greeted to a bit of sunshine in the desert, so we decided to get out and about.Our first stop was a short shuttle bus ride to the neighbouring 'Wynn' casino, which boasts a full size waterfall, avenues of trees with butterflies and of course a casino!If you haven't been to Las Vegas before, all the casinos are themed and differ quite dramatically.You can easily spend days walking between them and taking in the sights, but we had done this on our last visit.On this visit it was a priority to visit a Casino named 'The Venetian'.As the name suggests, this hotel boasts a Venice-like river which flows through the casino and you can ride the gondolas for a charge.We had planned to do this, but the queues were just too long, even at this time of the year.However, its quite nice just walking through the shopping complex which has a rotating 'blue sky' ceiling, so it feels like you're actually out on a summers day.After walking a bit, we rewarded ourselves with a 'traditional' ice cream from a rather moody, fake Italian woman. However whilst obnoxious, she was over generous with the portion size so we had some 'quick licking' to do before it melted.We found a quiet spot near a fountain and watched a street performer pretending to be a statue.I have to commend these folk, who stand frigidly still for hours on end - there is always the risk of that fat little tearaway toddler delivering a swift uppercut to their crown jewels.The first rule of boxing is to 'protect yourself at all times'….they should really take heed of this statement here!Anyhow, as I mentioned we had found a quiet spot to relax, until I heard the sound of a trombone in the far distance.Yes, you guessed it I am destined never to get a moments peace on this travel, as a circus parade appeared from one of the gantries!Everyone was clapping, shouting and generally making a ruckus and this served as a good introduction for the freak parade that entered.It was all part of the 'entertainment' and whether we liked it or not we were going to be entertained!However, I did have to laugh when I noticed one guy who had longer legs than me walking awkwardly to the stage.He was about 12ft tall on his false wooden pins and had obviously read my criteria on evading a cougar attack (see Vancouver island blog!!).Anyhow, they all went through their routine…I didn't like it…my ice cream melted…and we made a sharp exit…end of story!!Undeterred that an ice cream stain would spoil the evening, we readied ourselves for 'the big night out'!Whether we like it or not we are not getting any younger and our days of crazy clubbing nights may be numbered, so we decided to try and get on the guest list for a prestigious nightclub back at the Venetian casino called 'Tao'.After successfully enrolling online to queue jump later, we treated ourselves to a meal at the signature restaurant in our hotel.They had a grand prix fixed menu offer which sounded pretty good, so we decided to wander down and eat early.Most people tend to eat really late over there, so we didn't think that there would be many folk about or any real need to wear a shirt and polish my shoes.This was a clear mistake, as we felt the 'death stare' from some old women's beady eyes when we entered.However just because she was wearing her designer bin liner didn't mean that we had to follow suit, so Melissa employed her powerful 'wife glare' that seemed to keep her under wraps!Despite pretentious fellow diners, the food was excellent and service was certainly attentive!Our waiter must have asked close to fifty times, whether everything was ok and seemed quite relaxed about the place.So relaxed in fact, that he decided to actually plonk himself next to Melissa during a break between courses and asked us the question ' so do you come here often?'I didn't know whether we he was generally interested or trying to chat me up, but the whole moment was just a bit awkward!Also, I am playing a game over here to see how many times I can get the waiting staff to say 'you're welcome'.If you say 'thank you' to anything, they subconsciously return with 'you're welcome'…try it!I'm also trying (still unsuccessfully) to finish a glass of tap water without being topped up.I don't know where the hidden cameras are, but you just can't do it and I'm on the verge of some unhealthy fluid retention now!Anyhow we finished our meal and escaped quickly before the waiter could give me his phone number! We got 'glammed up' and hit the town for a night of dancing!The 'Tao' nightclub has an Asian flair to its décor, but is probably best known for the bathtubs of half-naked women on the entry in!Unfortunately I have no pictures to prove this point, I think the camera broke, or the pictures somehow got lost…!Anyhow moving on, we had an energised night of drinking and dancing and it seems that the American youth has moved away from glow sticks and moved onto some kind of crazy fluorescent foam sticks…don't ask!We had a great night, but there are few things about American nightclubs that get my goat. The first is the 'mood' lighting that they use in there.I use the term mood lighting loosely, as it may as well be pitch black in there and I couldn't see anywhere to purchase some night vision goggles in the restrooms!The second is the security guards who are the proud owners of powerful torches and they rejoice in their acquisition of these beacons of light by shining them directly in your pupils from two yards away…I was just getting my 'night vision'!Failing that, they hit you over the head with the tool and insist you move on.Which brings me onto my last point…there is nowhere to 'move on' to!Despite having an over regimented queuing system at the doorway; they don't actually count the number of people going in and track this against the feasible capacity for the club!If you like your personal space repeatedly invaded then this is the place for you, although keep your guard up for the woman with toe crunching stiletto heels waiting to give you an unwanted pedicure…my right little toe is now very little!!
Awaking the next day was a chore, but this is the penalty of enjoying one's self at 30 years of age.Melissa decided that a shopping trip would help ignite the mood…it served the purpose and Melissa hit the shops on her own!!During her travels to the ultra-posh Nordstrom shop she bumped into none other than LL Cool J!!Apparently LL Cool J stands for Ladies Love Cool James and from memory one of his singles is 'mama said knock you out'.This is probably what I would have done if I'd seen him…the ladies might love him but I'm no fan!!After several hours, Melissa proudly returned with a new purchase.The 'buy and replace system' isn't quite in full flow yet, it's more of a buy and accumulate process, but the dress she had bought was stunning.After a quick change, a glass of champagne in one hand and a glamorous wife on the other we hit the town again!At the last minute recommendation of the taxi driver, we decided to go to the newest club in Las Vegas…'The Marquee' in the Cosmopolitan casino.This is probably the city's newest casino and its pretty impressive inside and out.The 100 ft chandelier adds to the ambiance, although I wouldn't want to be under it in an earthquake.We found the entrance to the club and had to filter into the public queue this time as we had no VIP passes.I am quite familiar with the queuing system after coming to Vegas many times before, but it doesn't mean that I understand the rationale behind it.There always seems to be at least three lines, one for general admission, one for VIP's and one solely for pretty ladies!The general admission line runs the slowest and it's not uncommon to queue for hours.We probably did a 45 minute stretch this time and tempers were thin as I was tired and Melissa's shoes were taking offence to her feet!However we did get in and the place was pretty amazing.A large open pool outside with views down to the street and the edge of the strip.Several rooms inside, including a 'library' which didn't adhere to the usual quiet policy, but rather had a DJ blasting out dodgy hip-hop beats at 1000 decibels!You can't help but be impressed by places like this, but after a while the pushing and shoving gets a bit much and we called it quits for the night.
The next day we regretfully checked out of our room/house and the super comfy bed we had enjoyed for the last few nights.We got a taxi to airport and picked up our hire car for the next leg of the journey.We had ordered a 'compact car' to keep the cost down and we were pleasantly surprised when they offered us a free upgrade.We were then pleasantly unimpressed when this turned out to be a mini bus!Ok, I'm exaggerating slightly but it was big enough for a family of 10!!However, it did have all the mod cons, so I shouldn't complain…I just needed to learn to drive the 20 ft beast!What better place than the quiet and tranquillity of the Las Vegas Boulevard during rush hour! Irrational and angry taxi drivers ensured I was sufficiently hassled upon immediate exit of the building and a local call went out for every other driver to try and run me off the road!We survived the onslaught and finally hit the road out of Las Vegas, finding ourselves in the desert!The route out is long and very straight so it's possible to feel a little sleepy.In order to stop this eventuality, the US military have set up a bombing ground directly adjacent to the freeway!Nothing like the possibility of being blown out of your pants to keep you awake!After an hour or so, we passed off the freeway and into oblivion as we had decided to traverse 'Death Valley'.An immediate long and slow accent awaits and the scenery starts to change rapidly.The forbidding name 'Death Valley' was given by a group of travellers that got lost here in the 1850's, assuming that they would never escape!It has some of the lowest, driest and hottest locations in North America.It's also a challenging place to drive a people carrier!!On the entry in, you also have to pay $20 for the privilege of entering the park and possibly never leaving!This was exemplified by a slow drive by of some rather dodgy looking characters when we were out of our vehicle in the middle of nowhere.Quickly escaping the desert heat, we locked our doors and made as quick a getaway as you can in a wannabe Winnebago! Back on the road the scenery was pretty stunning, although pretty baron and arid in places.However, you randomly stumble on the odd oasis and real life sand dunes.We had a quick walk out to one, although the heat was quite unbearable even at this time of year.It's a slow but rewarding drive and when you reach the East Sierra on the other side the scenery changes again.The climate cools and you have pine forests and glacial plains to the side of freeway, which seems kind of crazy after just leaving the desert.The sun was starting to set now and the dark silhouettes of the adjacent mountains made for a nice end to the evening.We still had another hours drive to our overnight location on the edge of Yosemite national park, called 'Mammoth Lakes'. We checked into the 'Cinnamon Bear Lodge' a little late but luckily just in time to get the keys for our room.The place was part motel/part B&B and the room was cosy with a log burner in the corner.Now I should add at this point, that the name of this B&B gives a clue to the abundant resident who shares this patch of the forest…the bear! The lady at check in gave us a restaurant recommendation, but warned us to walk with a flash light as the bears would be out on the street.Enough adventures for one day, we drove to 'Slocums Grill' without any bear encounters and ate a hearty meal.Upon returning we hit the hay, as we had another driving leg the next day.I think it's fair to say that we both slept a little uneasy that night and when I woke to some suspect rustling and growling at 5am, I cowered under my sheets rather than looking outside!Bears are just part of the furniture here, so much in fact that they actually like to join the residents from time to time.They are inquisitive creatures and have apparently been known to enter swimming pools and even hot tubs!Imagine that, you're resting your aching muscles under the soothing jets when you get a hairy arm round your shoulders and a grizzly kiss…maybe this has already happened to some of you after a bad dating choice, so this should rekindle a few memories for you!
The following morning we hit the road again and had time to have a quick drive round the town and the surrounding lakes.It's a skiing village really and they had their first snowfall of the year only a week before.Piles of snow and ice still littered the sides of the road and there was freshness about the air.This was quite refreshing after a drive in the scorching heat the day before and is a classic example of how the scenery can change dramatically within miles.We set forth for our drive into the Yosemite national park via the 'Tioga Pass' road.This is treacherous road and is often closed throughout the year.Due to the recent snowfall it had literally only been opened the day before, so we were lucky as it was our main path into the heart of the valley.It's also a challenging road to circumnavigate, with some fatal drop offs and steep climbs.On top of this the weather took a turn for the worse and the rain set it as we gained some height.This was a bit of shame, as the views are supposed to be pretty spectacular on the way up.However, I was just pleased to reach the top and to be greeted by a large covering of snow on the verges which made pleasing viewing.After that we headed into the heart of Yosemite and the forest climate, changing foliage and impressive wildlife.Melissa even spotted a Coyote near her toilet when we stopped…at least it wasn't bears this time!We made good time and arrived at our house in Yosemite West.We were stopping in another vacation rental called 'Sunset House' and we had got lucky with this one.We pretty much had half a house to ourselves with all the facilities and a spectacular view of the sunsets over the valley (more on that later).The only negative was the 50 or so stairs up to the front door!Ah well, nothing like a bit of altitude training to get the pulse racing!We settled in for the evening although it was spookily quiet and slightly unnerving!We were literally in the middle of the forest and living next to the bears again.To help us settle in, we had a two page description in our welcome pack on how to cope with bears and luckily it had the contact number of a local warden should we require any guidance/assistance!Now, nobody would believe me if I just told you his name so I took a picture for evidence and you can check it out on the blog.However, there is a jingle to help you out (sung to ghost busters theme), 'There's a bear in your house….growling at your wife…who you gonna call.....Moose Mutlow!!!That's right the rangers name was Moose Mutlow….that's a classic right there….now, not even I can make that one up!!!
After a perturbed night's sleep, we woke to sound of the birds and an amazing view outside.We took a ride out to Yosemite Valley, stopping for a picturesque lunch on the roadside to enjoy some awe inspiring views.Yosemite Valley was formed by the work of several glacial erosions and it is quite unique in the way that they have carved out the landscape.The valley area is also full of lush meadows, meandering streams and story book woodlands.We had time for a walk to the Yosemite valley falls and to buy a couple of prints to remind ourselves of this special place.When we returned we enjoyed a wonderful sunset over a glass of wine on our private balcony…pure bliss!The next day, we decided to take a short hike which had been recommended by some of the previous guests (ie. in the guestbook).We sent off for 'Taft point', which is 2-3 mile hike through changing woodland to some rock fissures and a viewpoint.The rock formation is quite interesting there, as vertical fissures have been formed by multiple freeze thaw cycles and lots of erosion.You are left with some stunning vertical drop offs and peering over the edge is not for the faint hearted.Not that that would stop Melissa and it's a wonder her Tiffany glasses didn't make an unwanted skydive that afternoon.We climbed to the viewpoint and it was just out of this world.The landscape reminded me of a scene out of Jurassic park and I doubt there are many places like this in the world.The famous 'El Capitan' and 'half dome' mountains and multiple free flowing waterfalls cut the landscape. Full of adrenalin I even scaled the largest rock I could find, forgetting the peril of potential rockslides and enjoyed a moment on top of the world!After this we hiked back and travelled up to the more famously known Glacial Point.It also boasts incredible views, but it's just not quite the same individual experience when you have a few arrogant tourists jostling for position.After this we returned back, cooked a lovely dinner and watched yet another amazing sunset.When we awoke the next day, it was a little sad to move out, but the show must go on!I think it is fair to say that Yosemite is one of our highlights so far and without doubt, we will be back one day.
The next day we drove to the edge of San Francisco to stay with an old Pfizer friend 'John the Viking'!I won't bore you with the rationale for his nickname, but he is an extremely hospitable chap who kindly put us up for the night in a quiet suburb called 'Dublin'.Like its Irish equivalent, there are lots of shamrocks and Irish pubs around, but that isn't an uncommon sight anywhere in the US these days!After a quick change we met John's girlfriend June, and travelled to a nearby Sushi restaurant for dinner.The food was excellent and plentiful, even if the staff were a little over friendly.We were not allowed to leave without giving the owner a hug and some parting words of wisdom.She asked how we enjoyed our meal and then proceeded to ask how the sushi houses were in Europe?We have to say Europe here, as everyone in the US thinks that Europe is a country!We said they were ok….upon which she replied that she had heard they were all s**t!! Subtle, seeping and straight to the point, however it made us all laugh!!After this John decided that he would like to give us a tour of the local area and the first stop was the 'Fresh and Easy' store.This is a cousin of the Safeway chain and he excitedly told us it has an 'English' aisle!He wasn't kidding either and Melissa left over excited after purchasing a bottle of salad cream and some McVities dark chocolate digestives!!After this John took us for a ride to the neighbouring town of 'Pleasanton' to hit an English pub called 'Redcoats'…only real ale here! However with his excitement rising, John decided that we needed to sample a local nightclub.Upon arriving at the 'Karma club', it was evident that we would not need to queue for 45 minutes or indeed need to queue at all!! After entering, the lonesome cluster of single men and a sole couple frequenting the dance floor made for interesting viewing.After a single drink we made a hasty exit, but John wasn't content with the evening's festivities….there was more!After jumping back in the car and arriving at Gallagher's Bar, my only thought was that we had been transported into the Star Wars café scene with every walk of life present.As I write this now, I am struggling to capture this moment fully, as it was so surreal.However, I will make reference to the highlight of the night….'rapper John'.The evening was Karaoke night and they take it very seriously over here and it doesn't matter who you are or how bad your voice is…everyone gets involved!Now the young and hip amongst us will be familiar with a recent 'body rockers' song called - 'everyday I'm shuffling'.It's quite a recent hit, with a hint of rap lyrics that break away from the main chorus.The announcement came on the big TV screen that this song would be led by a karaoke artist by the name of 'rapper John'.Up steps a 70 year old man who I previously witnessed slouched over the bar with a whiskey…surely he wasn't going to sing this?!Oh yes he was and man he was rather good!! Ironically, in line with the title of the track, the only thing 'shuffling' was his rather suspect ginger toupee and false teeth, but he absolutely nailed it…what a legend!After this, the night couldn't get any better so we headed back to dream about one day becoming the legend that is 'rapper John'!
I'm going to end it there, as I have written far too much this time, but it's been a busy few weeks.I'll save our trip to the wine regions, San Francisco and the current Highway 1 adventure for next time.However just enough time for a few comments before bedtime.Thanks for reading and hope you are all well….JD
·We have had the fortune of many sandwich shops on our adventure and without fail they always demand on integrating cheese in some way.I just want to highlight that you do have an option to omit this, but beware of the consequences…it's not the norm here.I put this to the test the other day and had to repeat myself at least three times that I didn't want any dairy products.Well strike me down, string me up and call me the devil, because I thought I was going to get lynched for suggesting such an obscenity.However, alas, my sandwich was free of a cheddar slice, thus highlighting the following to the American public….CHEESE….IT IS AN OPTION!
·Is Odd Job (very small villain from the James bond film 'Gold finger') the CEO of the waterworks here?I'm only just 6ft tall but I'm practically on my knees when its shower time!I have also lost track on the amount of times I have cracked my shins on the urinals!Can someone have a word with him and get the ankle nibbling boss to 'raise' his standards?!
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