Apologies *again * for the major delay in getting this out. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to do anything other than have fun. Unfortunately, this frantic pace does have a downside and, as we approach the end of our adventure in NZ, starts to ask some very fundamental questions.

Now, before I embark on this critical appreciation of my time here, I want to make it clear that I have had the absolute time of my life and made friends with levels of kindness that I thought only existed in con-men.

In order to evaluate this country properly we need to look at what it is famed for, the reason that people flock here in droves. Interestingly, the two main attractions seemed to be derived from opposite ends of the excitement spectrum: the scenery and the activities.

To say that the scenery here is stunning is a criminal understatement. Those of you sad enough to remember anything specific about the Lord of Rings films can rest assured that you can walk in any direction from anywhere in NZ and you will be treated to some absolutely breathtaking views before you eventually reach the sea. And it really is that good. Other than the center of the larger towns, at no point could I ever have described what I was seeing as anything less than stunning (I'm afraid the same cannot be said for some of the women, more on that later). Sadly this brings me on to my well overdue first grumble. Having just described things in my own typically over-exaggerated style, I have to admit that 90% of what I have seen of New Zealand was done from the inside of the blasted Kiwi Experience bus.

Now don't get me wrong, you need to travel a great deal in order to appreciate the landscape, and the passengers and drivers have been some of the most amicable people that I have had the pleasure of spending time with but (I'm going to need a new sentence for this). The problem is that I feel like I have driven through New Zealand rather than experienced it fully. Maybe this was my fault for not booking more time here, but people are on average spending half the time that I am seeing the whole country. Let me give you an example of what I mean: Let us take the city of Nelson. Now, I'm sure that Nelson is a lovely town with lots to offer. I can tell you that it sits on the edge of the Abel Tasmen National Park. I can also tell you that opposite the rugby field is a superb pie shop. But because we arrived at 5.00pm one evening and left at 7.30am the next morning I cannot tell you much more.

There is an easy way to overcome this problem but doing so causes you a dilemma. Just briefly, the Kiwi Bus follows a set route with a predetermined time in each place (usually one night) which most people follow. You can, if you so wish, hop off the bus and stay as long as you like and hop on the next bus that arrives. This is something that Sam and myself did a number of times as it gives you some time to explore on your own, and also allowed us to stay with some friends for a while. As previously mentioned, this does present a new problem, you have now lost all the friends that you made on the bus. Sadly, making new friends on your new bus is not quite as easy as you might have thought. Human Beings interact on a social level in a very predictable way, something that we can all relate to in some way.

Joining a bus half way through its route is like arriving at a dinner party just before desert is served. As much as people will pretend to welcome you, secretly everyone is annoyed that they have to shuffle up to make room for you. As much as they say they dont mind, people are already annoyed that you dont know everyones name. You missed out on Sarah spilling wine on Grants lap so you dont understand why everyone keeps making reference to her clumsiness. You didn't hear Mrs Patel tell everyone about her sons motorbike accident, so you don't understand why everyone is so horrified to hear that you drove at 100mph to get there on time. So unless you are a female with legs up to your armpits, or you are particularly good at magic and speak 14 languages: nobody wants to talk to you.

Now of course it isn't quite that bad, but you get the picture. Now for the activities, this is where things get very exciting and very expensive. Interspersed with all the aforementioned views, another opportunity to spend lots of money is never far away. To give you an idea I have listed the activities that have been offered to me over the past 5 weeks:

White water rafting X 4

Zorbing

Horse Riding X 3

Quad biking

Jet Boating X 4

Bungy Jumping X 4

Sky Diving X 5

River Boarding X 2

Ice Walking

Ice Climbing

Go Carting

Paragliding

Hang-gliding

Helicopter Trips X 7

Whale Watching X 2

Dolphin Swimming X 2

Fishing

Now I dont mean to sound like I am moaning all the time but I wonder if someone could answer something for me. Looking at the list above, I have met some people that just cant say no. They have spent in the region of 7 thousand pounds in about 2 weeks! I cannot speak for everyone, but I have lived in England for nearly 20 years and not once did I ever feel an overwhelming urge to spend 300 pounds on a skydive. So why the hell does everyone else feel the need to do two or three while they are here?! Equally, people seem to have no self restraint when it comes to some of the other activities on the list. Have a look and see which ones you can do at home, quite a few. If, in a moment of madness, I wanted to ride a horse I am sure that I could find one of the damn things in England to sit on. After all, they are far from native to New Zealand, so why do people feel compelled to spend hundreds of dollars trotting around all afternoon?

(more on this later)