Seek or just let it happen?

So here I am sitting at the airport in Brisbane waiting for my plane to Hong Kong via Singapore and I am crying. (FYI, I have a feeling this post is going to be all over the place, not only because it is almost midnight and I have been at the airport since seven pm, but more so due to the million and one thoughts I have swirling around in my head….)

Byron Bay was everything and more I had expected and I am still thinking about our perfect day at Lennox Head. Everything is still sinking in and I feel overwhelmed by emotions. I like to imagine riding those waves over and over again, because it still puts a smile on my face, but most of all, it makes me crave. Crave another wave, another perfect day when you can't feel your tired body anymore, because all you can feel is the ocean underneath you and the sun above. Australia truly is a magnificent country and if you would ask me to move here, even if it was only for one year, I would be all over that in a heartbeat. Even though I have been looking into every kind of visa there is, it is not meant to happen. Or at least not yet, which brings out even more tears, but I do believe that everything does happen for a reason.

My plane is taking off in about an hour and after a quick stop in Hong Kong for two days to celebrate Christmas with my cousin, Denis I will be headed home.

Home…. What does that even mean? Is it home only because it is where we grew up and our family is there or can home be anywhere? I guess out of anyone I should be somewhat close to answering that question, but really I reckon that I drift further away as a continue to travel. I am in a place in my life right now that would probably be best described as crossroads. No, not like that Britney Spears-wanna-be-actor movie, but an actual crossroad. For the first time in my life I have no idea what I am going to do next. No idea at all. After I got cut from the Swiss national team Olympic roster over a year ago my world tumbled. My world had ended abruptly without me having any say or do in it. Everything I had loved and lived for, for a good decade got taken away from me in less than a second and I couldn't do anything about it. Some of you might be thinking now that I shouldn't be dwelling on something that happened over a year ago and look forward already. Well, I don't think I am dwelling on what happened, but I do believe that I am still lost in a way. Or am I? Can one even be lost? Right now, all I want to do is move somewhere on a sunny coast with an unreal break and just surf and teach yoga or opening up a small café and surf during my time off, but that's not the path my parents have imagine for me to go. On the other hand, it is my life and I am living it, so if I were to do that what do you reckon would happen is what I am asking myself….

Having said that, I am starting to believe that life is like surfing. It is about learning how to give up control and just let life/the wave take you for a ride. In the end, like in surfing, it is not the destination or getting to shore that counts, but the ride on your way there. Scary thought isn't it? However, the more I ponder about that statement, and trust me I have already a ton, the more I somehow find myself opening up to it, especially after the enchanted days I got to spend in Byron Bay actually surfing. Start paddling Des…

"Life is like a wave. You can't stop it, but you can learn to surf."

♥.