The alarm sounded at 06.00. Drawing back the curtain I took a look outside. A couple of cats were wandering the hotel forecourt, they were all skin and bones. I left Andy in the room and went down for a breakfast of cold noodles and waffles.

The bags were crammed into the back of two mini vans and in convey we sped toward the Thai/Cambodia border. It had so much leg room it made me feel guilty for the girl Sandra who was stuck in the seat behind me. I did some elaborate leg exercises just because I could and because they tell you to do that on long haul flights. I pulled out my iPhone from shoulder bag and played doodle jump whilst listening to Brandon Flowers. I beat my high score. Whenever we stopped in traffic the driver pulled a comb from his shirt and combed his hair. After two hours we stopped at a gas station and filled out Cambodian Visa forms to the sound of Thai disco music being played from a P.A in the neighbouring car park. Out of nowhere a guy appeared on a motorbike. He approached us with a pair of scissors and some pritt stick. It was all very unusual. He came to me and took my block of four passport photos, cut one out and stuck it to the top of the form. I asked if he wanted U.S. Dollar or baht. He took 1100 Thai baht from each of us, put the bunch of passports and forms in his rucksack and accelerated into the distance. I wondered if we'd ever see our passports again and whether maybe this was all part of a wider plan to capture and torture us. I checked my tour itinerary. I didn't mention anything about being b*****ed by men on motorbikes so I happily relaxed. Colonel Thye stepped up and told us it was time to leave. The driver, full of smiles, swung the bus door open, sat down behind the wheel and combed his hair in the rear view mirror.

We arrived at the border crossing town 3 hours later. The bus pulled up in an area dressed with makeshift shacks and dust carts. At every turn we were surrounded by locals trying to sell anything from wooden flutes to cream cheese. It was like mad max but nobody was killing each other for gasoline. Motor cycle man appeared from round a corner and handed us our passports. They had been stamped with visas. Our bags were loaded in a wooden cart and tugged of into to the distance. It was sad seeing them go off with a stranger. We queued at immigration for a short while before journeying by shuttle bus and then public bus to the city of Siem Reap. We stayed in Park Lane Hotel. There were a family of lizards climbing up the walls. We went inside where we were welcomed by fresh juice and there was a lot of bowing.

We took a frenetic tuk tuk ride twenty minutes out of the city to the country to an orphanage. I felt like I could ride on a tuk tuk every day for the rest of my life. Small settlements and villages sped past on either side of the road. Dogs wandered in to the road as they meandered casually from shack to shack. Some were rummaging in bins but nobody tried to stop them. In Bangkok it was street cats; here in Siem Reap it seemed like dogs ruled. I thought maybe there had been a disagreement over something and they had decided they should stay out of each others way.

We wandered in the rice fields adjacent to the orphanage stepping over puddles and tip toeing across the mounds of mud which separated each field from the next. Not long after were let to an outside wooden gazebo and were served a Cambodian meal. We ate happily, each of us sat cross legged. Once we had finished we were introduced to the children who swarmed us with their happiness. A group of kids grabbed my iPhone and I introduced them to 'Doodle Jump'. They were rubbish at it; all thumbs and no guile. I looked up to see each member of the group entertaining the kids in a similar way. One of them broke someone's record on 'Angry Birds'. In the midst of all this a boy of about two years old skipped and jumped around all of us wearing just a nappy. He then started throwing place mats at me. There was an empty bottle of Angkor beer within his reach. Moving quickly I picked it up and took it to the outside kitchen. I didn't want to have to kick his ass.

We boarded our tuk tusk and has we rode down the path I looked back to see the kids in the street waving. I checked in my pocket to see if my iPhone was still there and it was. Tall fences towered over us each side of the path and beyond them was thick jungle. It was like doing the tour in Jurassic Park. I looked around to see if there was a goat on a leash. For the duration of the 20 minute ride back Myself and Andy fired Mark Wahlberg impressions at each other. I thought about hitting him with my Roberr De Niro but figured the time wasn't yet rigtht for that. Me, Matt and Andy of Nottingham sat outside the hotel until midnight, drinking beers and watching the street dogs fight each other. Then it was bed time. As I lay there I felt content that my Doodle Jump high score of 71,400 was safe; and figured that in fact was probably a Cambodian national record.