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For most people the most important document to have for your holiday is your passport. Maybe your travel insurance. Maybe your visa aswell. Ok so there are a few important documents. Mine is slightly different. I am a sensible person, and sensible people try to prepare for events that may happen and so began the New York Agreement.
New York Agreement 2012
This 'New York' agreement is entered into as of 17th November 2012, between Natasha Close and Kate Morgan.
This agreement, also known as NYC, is being entered into for the purpose of all filming rights, photography and plain stupidity which may take place during the 9 days, effective immediately after both parties have signed.
Each section is defined by clauses and different scenarios covered. All information was created by Kate Morgan and includes the input of Natasha Close rendering this contract almost useless.
The London Clause:
1. Neither party must fight over the window seat. This must be discussed before boarding.
2. Conversations with other parties on board is allowed but includes restrictions, please see stranger danger and third party clauses for more info.
3. Both parties consent to being filmed if they a) fall asleep b) break wind c) belch or d) anything else embarrassing!
4. Drawing, painting or markings on either party is strictly forbidden.
5. In the event of a missing person please see Safety Clause.
Accommodation Clause:
1. Both parties should try to avoid blocking toilets during the day, its embarrassing for all involved.
2. Ensure both parties have their own towel and shower condiments unless agreed otherwise.
The Airport Clause:
1. It is forbidden to talk about how much you crave something e.g cigarette or wee.
2. It is strictly forbidden to discuss possibilities that could occur regarding the aeroplane, flight and weather.
The Flight Clause:
1. Toilet breaks are limited to one per hour.
2. Both parties must refrain from telling accompanying passengers any embarrassing tales.
Trolley Dolly clause:
1. It is essential that neither party annoys the staff on board. Any upsets could result in a) tampering with food, b) lack of free drinks.
2. Both parties agree to witness any injuries from the food cart or speeding trolley dollies with big elbows. e.g whiplash.
Holding Hand Clause:
Whilst on the plane, during take off and landing Natasha must hold Kate's hand without judgement or witty remarks about how 'mard' she is being. This also includes any turbulence experienced throughout the flight.
In the extreme event of an emergency plane landing:
Neither party must abandon the other, nor attempt to mess with the lifejacket or push them down the slide of the aircraft because it's humorous, however laughing at an inflatable yellow jacket is allowed. Unless the person wearing it is injured or dead.
In the event of a crash landing anywhere deserted, due to lack of food supplies and basic living essentials Natasha must resort to eating meat.
Third Party Clause:
If something particularly funny happens to either party it is unacceptable to involve surrounding people to laugh with e.g Oh no did you see my friend fall over that was so funny wasn't it? Haha yes she looked so stupid.
Stranger Danger Clause:
Both parties must be on high alert for people with extreme personalities. If one party believes there is a risk or the conversation is becoming too weird they must use a safe word to alert the other it's time to leave.
Safe words must be decided on the morning of each day and varied in case of a repeat experience with certain individuals.
Safety Clause:
It is essential to agree a safety location for each site in the event of a missing party.
If one party decides they would like to visit a site without the other they must get it out of their head because it isn't happening.
Neither party must wander off. In the event of boredom Natasha is free to take her puzzle book.
If either party is annoyed, it must be confronted and dealt with immediately.
That just about covers the essentials. Now you may enjoy your holiday.
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