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Here is a few tips for the lucky people that get the joy of driving in Thailand.
Always use the right lane cos the left one is so destroyed by heavy trucks that it feels like you are driving a jackhammer backwards.
If someone flashes their lights at you while you are waiting at an intersection to pull out. It does not mean that they are letting you in. It means they are speeding up so you have no chance. Basically they are saying "GET OUT OF MY WAY a*******". If they use their horn, add the "F word" into the sentence and start reversing, they will swerve to kill....
The bigger vehicle has the right of way. Period.
Indicators are decorations that flash like fairy lights. Trucks also use them to tell you when it is safe to pass and when they are stopping. However, the truck driver with the most flashing lights on the back of his truck seems to have the coolest and with the majority of trucks looking like your average Christmas tree, it is hard to tell what's an indicator and what's bling.
It is cool to have Sylvester Stalone or the Marlbro Man on your trucks mud flaps.
The Police will set up roadblocks to look at your car. I'm not sure what they are looking for but I'm not sure if they do either.
Thai people fall asleep as soon as they get in a car.
It is customary to stop as often as possible, regardless of where or when you just stopped. This is especially true if you are on a tourist bus, the drivers seem to only get hungry when they drive and they need to wait for other drivers to eat with.
You can always fit more people in a vehicle.
You can always fit more luggage/goods in a vehicle.
When you can reach the handlebars, you are old enough to ride a motorcycle (even if you need someone to sit on the middle bit to put their feet down for you when you stop).
The oldest on the bike gets to drive.
The smaller you are, the more you can fit on the bike.
Only the driver of the bike must wear a helmet (this is only true if you don't see the cop before he can stop you)
Red Bull concentrate and M150 are not stimulants you can't buy in other countries, they are in fact driving aids you can buy over the counter that help you to drive for 27 hours straight.
Dogs do not have to move off the road for you till they are well and truly ready, you just have to swerve or stop (they don't understand the flashing and horn sequence discussed earlier).
Passing on a blind corner is expected.
Passing on a blind corner that goes over the ridge of a hill is sport.
"Following distance?"
Passing someone while there is a car coming the other way is acceptable. You can fit at least 3 cars and a motorcycle on any road.
Driving in rush hour is just like a really slow game of dodgems with lots of other players. When someone tries to ram you, you move out of the way. Hopefully the Motorcycle that has just come up your inside knows how to play.
Get an international driving license before you come, getting one her is more trouble then it's worth. Trust me. However, if you have some spare money and nothing to do with your day in Bangkok it is a rather entertaining experience, frustrating but entertaining.
Parking spaces have to be in the shade, as close to your final destination as possible.
Unless they have a whistle, the parking attendants do not deserve your respect.
The more people there are when parking, the more conflicting directions you will be given.
The air conditioning should be on full no matter what the temperature is inside the vehicle.
Always wear warm clothes when going on a long journey at night.
Road signs are just a background for the trees that are planted in front of them.
Back seat drivers come standard with every car, in fact, they are installed just before the steering wheel.
Happy driving.
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