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YOU DON'T NEED EYES TO SEE YOU NEED VISION.....
"Jesus you give light to your people, you call us out of the dark, Lord have mercy" and then the audience(?) is supposed to say "Lord have mercy". Except being a non-believer I decided that prinicipally I wasn't going to say it but instead said 'Lord Mercy' in an Elvis style accent. ha ha
This is what I did with my Sunday last week. Oh yes, only me! Here's what happend. I went for a wonder around Sydney (acutally I was looking for the swimming pool) when I stummbled (as you do) across St.Mary's everso grand catherdral. 'oooo, I thought I'll go take a look at that'. So I ambled in and looked in awe at the beauty of the building and recoiled at some of the religous statues and symbols (I was transported into the Da Vinci Code straight away). Anyway, it was just lovely in there so I thought I'd take a 'pew' 'boom-boom' and write in my journal for a bit and just take it all in. However, the place started to fill quite rapidly and someone was giving out leaflets at the back. So I packed my pack and wondered down to see what all the fuss was about and then took my seat again. Just as I settled back down I was surrounded by olds in their sunday best and was wedged solid where I sat. 'So this is me for the duration then? Cool, I can sing a few hymes and be part of a Sunday Service'....
Upon closer inspection I realised that I'd walked into 'The Jesuit Jubilee Celebration mass of Thanksgiving for the Sesquicentary of North Sydney Lavender Bay Kirribilli Parth' Ahem, that's easy for you to say!!!
I suddenly felt ashamed at my atire of the usual Combats, t-shirt and trainers and sat myself upright and straightened myself out a little (as if that could make any difference?) I took my i-pod off at this point as I thought that a tinny 'ttssss, ttssss of the Red Hot Chillies' was probably pushing it a little in the respect stakes at that stage.
The service began and it was some grand event with all the bish's and vic's (?) from around Sydney in all their robes and glory. TV screens ad extra monitors. I suddenly imagined my face turning up on some CNN somewhere just as I wipe my nose of get the ending of the hyme completely out of sync. I took part in the serivce with a good old sing song as only I can but was in complete conflict with many of the prayers, so took upon myself not to say 'amen' - big of me huh! ha ha. I looked to my right and saw some doorways and wondered if that might be the lav and quickly realised they were confession booths. God, good job I didn't go in to one of them, I'd still be there rattling off my confessions now...hee...not really, I am an angel I am...:-)
This is where my heart started to pound, no it wasn't the golden beam (enough!) from the roof falling onto my head by way of repentance for all my sins but moreover, people started moving. OH MY GOD - The people infront of me were getting up row by row and moving towards the bish/vic up the front.....'I'm thinking 'Jesus Christ (literally) please don't let me have to lead anyone anywhere". They continued to get up in their lines and there was no sign of the conga anywhere.
Thankfully my line started from the other end, phew I thought, I'd better follow as I'll stick out more if I stay put, so off we went for a wee jaunt around the joint or so I thought.....
Well I quickly realised that we were lining up in front of the bish/vic with our hands out, waiting to be handed one of those disc thingys and be blessed with the sign of the cross...... 'Oh F***"!!! I just followed, 'just be a sheep Amy,blend in, just be a sheep'......
I held my hands out and he gave me this disc thingy and blessed me with the sign of the cross. I flashed him a big grin (not sure why, nerves I think) Fortuantly (for him) he didn't spontaniously combust or anything, so that was good. As people walked away they ate the 'body of christ'. I thought 'I aint putting that in my mouth, I don't know where his hands have been', so I stuffed it on my pocket and sat back down. It's now sticky taped into my journal ha ha ha.... What's more, it has a picture of a goat on it, what's all that about? Or is it supposed to be little donkey..... I rekon they got a job lot off 'dodgy Dave' from the Sydney Camden equivalent and could only get 'Goat' shapes on them.... ha ha
I thoroughly enjoyed it though and I haven't been struck down since so that's good.
The rest of Sydney went by quite quickly and quietly for me actually. It's like London but cleaner, warmer and safer. That said, I was still faceless and became rather lost in the craziness of it. Every fourth person exchanged their I-pod for a mobile and they went about their day, all very impersonal. I did the usual, Sydney Harbour Bridge and Oprah House which were both amazing, went to the Rocks, mooched and had lunch out and generally took it easy (seems to be my usual pace these days)......
A few days later, I flew to Perth. Now I feel I should point out that whilst it may sound like I have been drinking heavily since I've been away, I haven't. I have been more sobor on this trip than in about 12 month running up to it. That said, I thought I would treat myself to a lil' drinky or 2 on the plane (it's only polite after all). I watched MI 3 (again) and happily supped my way through a few minatures. I felt warm but OK, you know the feeling. Until I stood up and realised I was as Pi***d as a parrott. I don't acutally remember getting to baggage claim.....ut-ohhhh.....
So for me, Perth started about 12 hours after my arrival. It's a beautiful city and much quieter than Sydney by comparison but there are only a couple of things to do there, so a couple of days is enough and that's what I did. I sailed over to Rottnest Island (originally Rats Nest) where they sent the convicts all them years ago.....
I sun bathed all day, clear water, white sand, what more could a girl want. Take a look at the pics...
Sunday morning I got up early and started a 17 hour coach trip up the West Coast of Australia and right into the outback. The trip began with a conversation with a local about eating bats and Kangaroo..... I though 'sod the city life, this is must more like it, bring it on.'
As we travelled further, we lost civilisation completely. The road was a red mud colour and there was the odd shack every 3 hours or so. You can't imagine the distance of this country, it's amazing.
7 hours in, I was still OK, just about had signal on my mobile so one fo two of you were helping me while away the time.....
11 hours in, pitch dark and hungry, we stopped at a corragated tin shack called 'the road house'. It was eerie to say the least. The staff there all had tusk like buck teeth and look identical and everyone stared..... The place sold flip flops, chocolate and cassette tapes....hhuummmmmm I had visions of never being seen again and then for the 1st time, I experience the great outside 'dunny'. The ceiling was covered in moths, no lock on the door and dust under my feet. I weed as quickly as I could, not going anywhere near the loo seat incase a spidy bites my butt (or worse). I'm pleased to say though that my aim has imporved considerably. :-)
I started the day drinking only decaf coffee and water, eating fruit and crackers. at 14 hours in I had resorted to mastering a new yoga positision in the seat so as to take away some of the pains in my back and hips, drinking fully caffinated white coffee and scoffing 'freedo' choc bars by way of comfort.
After the RoadHouse the bus driver told us to buckle up as 'we will be hitting some roos along the way and if it's the choice between killing them or you, then you win so buckle up'. O....K....Then.....
He wasn't kidding though, as he drove at a million miles per hour, not seeing another vehical ever, the bus swerved left and right and then BANG! and you'd just know that was another Kangaroo. At one point i was brave enough to take a look out front and it was like some kind of video game with Kangaroos jumping all over the road. At times I wondered if the drive was swerving for avoidance or target practice. Needless to say, everytime I heard a BANG, I recoiled further into my new yoca position and cringed inside....
16 hours in I had to change buses. I clambered off on the side of the road, into another dirt track. The only light was from the bus and I could hear all sorts of wildlife sounds, the air was warm and I felt like a bag of crap (as you can imagine)..... I approached a woman with a clip board whose features were shielded by the light of the head lights. I said, 'hello, I'm Amy Jones' - so she could tick me off her list. She lifted her head and I kid you not, her 2 front teeth were missing!!!! Those tusk like teeth that the roadhouse crew had, had in fact been knocked out of this womans head. Apart from the missing tusks, she looked just like the wicked old woman from the Goonies. I tried not to show any shock or terror (more like) on my face and clambered into her bus.
17 hours in (3.30am) were arrived at this large tin building in the middle of nowhere. I soon found out that this was Exscape Backpackers, (I think I needed to be planning one!) Ningaloo Reef, Exmouth, WA and was where I was booked into. After that amount or travelling, I just wanted a bed. I was greeted by a fat bloke in flip flops and fag hanging out of his mouth, he ushered me into this dorm that had 8 other people in it, all asleep. I am not exagerating now, I stepped in and the smell was so repulsive that I had to step back out again. The place was vile. Sweaty, diry, messy.......
I just turned the light off and climbed into bed, well under a sheet as there was no bedding and slept.
At 10 am this morning I shuffled to the lav and quickly realised why backpackers always wear flip flops in the night. The bathroom floor was thick was brown goo, from muck from outside, from muck from the slimy shower and leaking loo. AWFUL.
Still, looking on the bright side, I was in Ningaloo Reef, a place that matches the Great Barrier Reef for beauty and diving right.....
I headed to reception and was given an A4 map of the town. Which turned out to be the actual scale, The town is no bigger than A4 size.... and quickly found out that none of the beautiful beaches are accessible without a tour. Rubbish!
Anyway, headed to the dive shop to arrange my PADI open water course which starts tomorrow.....or so I thought..... Turned out that they want a minimum of 4 people and the hostel in Perth had failed to inform me of this. It's the only diving place here and so I'm stuffed and can't do it. 'nevermind' I thought, I'll find a pool and swim, maybe rent a bike and ride for a few days. Nope! 'No swimming pool' the woman at the counter said, 'they close it for winter'.....Hhheeelllooooo, it's 29 degrees!!! and they've closed the pool for winter. Crazyness. No bikes either. Great. Actually, nothing except dive and there is no dive so......
I rang Greyhound buses to see if they could pick me back up tonight but can't until 12.30 Wed morning which is 5.30pm Tuesday eve for you guys.
Still, looking on the bright side, I have time to sort my emails out, read and enjoy the sun. As one or two of you already know, I have committed to do a sprint Triathlon in the sping next year and an Olympic Triathlon by autumn of next year so actaully, I have plenty to be getting on with and what a wonderful place to begin my training than in the Australian outback. So if anyone of you guys fancy joining mre in a Triathlon next year? Mark? I can teach you to ride a bike... ha ha
Ma, I'm still alive incase you're worried that I've been kidnapped by a load of tusk weilding, back country maniacs, I just have no signal on my mobile.
So then, Wed Am I make my way South along the West Coast, stopping off at Denham, near Monkey Mia and Shark bay to see the sharks!!! and then back to Perth where I will probably bring my flight to Cairns forward and do my PADI on the Great Barrier Reef. hard life hey!! :-)
Hope you're all well and haven't fried in that heatwave by now! Thanks for your messages, it's lovely to hear from you and you crack me up!
Julie, did you get my email?
Take care everyone, see you on the other side......
Love me
xxxx
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