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Cryogenics, Dude- where is my bus?, The photoshoot- fame at last, & if only I had bought a waterproo
Puerto Iguazú, Argentina
So eventually I made it to the bus terminal and waited for my bus to arrive for my 24 hour bus journey to Puerto Iguazu for the Iguazu falls.
Well actually I had to go to Foz De Iguazu on the Brazilian side and then get across the border.
Years ago I had heard about people coming over from Europe on a bus that took a day and tried to comprehende how anyone could spend so long on a bus, and yet here I was about to do the same thing.
Apparantly you can usually fly just as cheap, but it was Easter week and everything was uber expensive, so I had no choice. Plus I like to contemplate the universe as I watch the world go by, and I had my new super travel neck pillow, so it would be a walk in the park...well that is what I thought anyway.
South America is always hot right? So as I boarded in my shorts, flip flops and t shirt not thinking any different I noticed everyone else carrying pillows, jackets, blankets etc.
I put it down to the fact that they are used to extreme heat, and a slight drop in overnight temperature would kill them....
The seats were much better than a National Express and even most budget airlines and surprised me that they were quite comfy. Also the woman who sat next to me was nice and kept offering me these horrible tasteless crisps, so I thought the journey would go ok.
So off we set and I noticed the air con was on full pelt and was blowing down right next to me. No doubt it would climatise soon I thought....
After an hour I could no longer feel or use my left arm, I was frozen.
When we stopped off I asked the driver if I could go to my bag in the hold, I made lots of cold Shivering movements and pointed to under the bus, but it was "no comprende", and he just blasted me with a load of Portuguese, it was like ground hog day. The gist of his blast as far as I could work out was, no you can not.
I had no idea why, but someone else who looked frozen appeared to be asking the same, and also getting the same answer and they even spoka de lingo.
Confused I sat down and just kept swapping my arms and legs Under each other to try to stay a little warm. This was particularly hard given I had someone next to me and my dodgy ankle was not in the mood for bending.
About an hour later we stopped again and all of a sudden the driver came to me and started waving to come down. The door of the hold was open and someone official was stood there. I guessed he was not allowed to open on his own which is why he had said no before.
Get in, I thought as I hunted for some socks and my fleece. It was really dark and I was not making a good job of fumbling around. If I opened my rucksack up completely it would all fall out so I was trying to feel stuff through the zips. They both kept pointing at their watches to say hurry up.
It was worse than the final few seconds on countdown.
I was b*****ed if I could find my fleece. After three attempts at looking and lots of tutting from the driver I called it a day and grabbed the only thing I could find which was the Socks from the airplane and the waterproof cover for my rucksack.
I looked pretty pathetic as I had these big grey aeroplane socks under my flip flops with my shorts and a waterproof cover that only half covered me as I tried to stay warm on my seat.
As I stressed over not being able to get any warm clothes I also remembered I had packed my super new neck pillow in my rucksack which was now locked up tighter than a Brinks bullion hold.
As I blew clouds of smoke from my mouth I feared this would be the longest night of my life.
We stopped off yet again in what looked like a service yard and I saw everyone dash off guessing there must be some toilets, so decided to follow.
Indeed there was a toilet, so I nipped in, but as I came out of the loos it felt like everyone had disappeared.
I wandered back to where the bus was just to see a big empty space.
s***!
Where was the bus?
I panicked for a few seconds as I looked around in this strange yard and then thought I saw someone from the bus a bit further down having a cigarette.
Donde el bus?
I said in a pretty poor Spanish accent.
She spoke no English at all but pointed down the bottom of the yard and then made washing gestures. Apparently they were cleaning it...
I was surprised we had stopped off for them to wash the bus, but was relieved it was still in the yard.
A few minutes it rolled back up and off we went. Boy was I relieved.
Then the cold hit me again as I wrestled with my puny plastic blanket and I was worried if I would survive the night.
I had often thought about being cryogenically frozen, but not like this.
We stopped off later at what was a services, but as I walked inside it was nothing like Granada services on the M5.
A big warehouse style place with loads of leather boots, jackets and even cow heads that you can put on the wall.
A bit bizarre but I was glad of the warmth for a brief while, then back on to the freezer bus for a really long and awfully cold night.
When we rolled up at Iguazu I just stood in the sun for ten minutes to try and defrost.
I did not have a clue where I was, all I knew was that I needed to get over to Argentina as I was on the Brazilian side.
My lack of Spanish continued to be a problem as I asked where the bus was for Puerto Iguazu.
I dont know how, but sign language and alot of luck got me on to a bus into town.
Once in to town I really struggled at the main bus stop, but luckily a nice old lady spoke English and told me where to go, but not before I had got her life story about living in America.
We entered what looked like a boarder and the bus pulled up and the driver shouted immigration and gestured me to get out.
Fair enough I need to get my stamp out, so I jumped off with my bags thinking he would wait, but he just b*****ed off in a cloud of smoke.
I scratched my head and looked at the official building in front of me that had very few signs and no one about.
After getting a few dirty looks from popping my head around doors I eventually found the right place and bang bang I was in Brazil no more.
How do I get to Argentine immigration I wondered.
I was in no mad rush so guessed the next bus may abandon another poor tourist at the same spot, so headed back to where I was kicked off to wait for the next bus.
Aaah sunlight I smiled as I stood in the blistering sun still trying to defrost. Police officers kept walking past looking at me as if I was bonkers.
Not long after a bus came so I waved it down. I pointed ahead and said Argentina and the bus driver just impatiently waved me on and accelerated off before I could even get both feet in. He never mentioned money so I kept quiet.
I sat next to some real native Argentinians who looked a bit like scruffy dirty retarded Sioux Indians. They were a family with a young baby.
The husband picked his nose and stared at me as the wife lifted her top up and decided to breast feed the baby. She also stared at me.
Staring out the window had become more appealing than ever.
We arrived at the Argentine immigration, only this time it looked like speedy gonzales was going to wait for us, but boy was he in a rush. He just kept waving with a disappointed look at us.
Bang bang I was in Argentina.
We screached off to the main bus terminal in Puerti Iguazu which was luckily only two hundred yards from the hostel.
So around 27 hours since leaving Rio I had now made it in to Argentina. Alive.
I was shattered.
As soon as I hit the hostel I ordered a beer and sat in the sun in the garden.
The manager came up to me and asked if I would mind posing with a young Argentinian lady for some photos to promote his new Spanglish evening (Spanish and English....get it?).
I laughed with him that he must be desperate as not only was i way too old for his typical backpacker customer I also looked like s*** warmed up. All the same he wanted to go ahead, so there I am looking like death sat with this pretty young Spanish girl pretending we are having a good time.
I hope the event was in no way a reflection of my Burton poses, but needless to say no one turned up.
Due to the Easter hols I had struggled to find accomodation, so had ended up booking a bed in a 16 bed dorm. I was not looking forward to it at all, especially when I needed a good nights sleep.
I went out for a wander and decided I wanted a strawberry ice cream as I passed an ice cream shop.
Do you know how hard it is to order one if no one speaks da lingo......?
You need to tell them what type of cone, how many scooops, and what the hell is Spanish for strawberry? On this occasion my charades skills let me down.
After going behind the counter and doing alot of pointing I got there in the end though.
I headed back to the hostal hoping that no one else had checked in and that the big dorm would be almost empty......
Yea right.
It was packed.
So much luggage on the floor you could hardly walk, people coming in and out all the time. It was really noisy and I am sure there was one young couple having sexy time.
Just great.
After a pretty awful sleep and showering in the fresh odour of an Ozzies turd, I went to the bus station to get my ticket to go for the falls. I decided to travel light and just had my usual shorts, t shirt and flip flops and my camera.
Should be fine I thought, it was a warm day...
I bumped in to Jessica on the bus who I had met whilst bumping in to a girl I had met on a tour in Rio whilst licking my ice cream on the way home the night before, so we decided to partner up which would be good for getting photos of each other. Plus she spoke really good Spanish which was to prove a real bonus later on.
As the bus pulled up we could see everyone queueing for miles around the entrance.
Turns out that the Easter weekend is about as busy as it gets.
My usual great timing.
The park was absolutely rammed but you could just about get about.
We just managed to get on the boat tour which I heard you may get a little wet.....
As we queued up we saw everyone stripping off down to their swimwear and then we were given a big dry bag to put everything in.
Turns out you get drenched.
I took a few photos as we jumped in but then had to stash everything in the bag as we got close.
It was exactly moments like this that I had bought my now duff sat in my mum´`s house waiting for repair waterproof not so waterproof camera, so I was pretty pissed off as you can imagine as I watched everyone else with their waterproof cameras film themselves actually going in to the falls.
As we emerged we were totally soaked, wetter than on Otters pocket.
Luckily it was sunny so I just about managed to dry off during the rest of the afternoon.
Jessica had booked to go on the night tour which only happens a couple days each month when there is a full moon. It sounded good so after the park closed we hung around to see if there were any spare tickets.
Luckily there wa,s so off we went in the darkness up to the main attraction which is called the Devil`´s Tongue. It is at the top of the park so they have a little train to take you there.
It was starting to get cold and remember I had only dressed for the daytime sun in my shorts and flipflops so I was really feeling the cold.
As we got to the area we were really impressed to see it all under the moonlight and were clicking away and then a massive cloud of spray came up and drenched the lot of us.
Now I was super cold as I was soaked wet through again in the cold night air.
I was done with the appeal of the full moon and just wanted to get home in the warm.
As we caught the little train back from the top it was just like being on the freezer bus again, it just seemed to go on for ever.
There was a buffet in the restaurant afterwards so a group of us decided to go. I was happy for the warm up.
I thought it was the usual buffet so started looking at what was about and then I saw the huge grill with tons of meat on it. Surely that was extra?
Nope.
Turns out it was all you can eat buffet and in Argentina that includes everything!
Sod the salad bar.
So I had my first ever experience of the famous Argentinian asado which is the barbequed beef.....ribs, steaks sausages, you name it and they are huge pieces.
We also got a bottle of the famous Malbec which was fantastic as well.
I was truly in heaven.
Stuffed to the eyeballs we realised we had probably missed the last bus home, but luckily the couple we had met kindly gave us a lift back.
More boxes ticked........
Next stop Buenos Aires..........
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