Now this place is amster DAM good fun!!!

26/08/2010

Totally unprepared am I coming off the family holiday I arrive in Amsterdam mapless, luckily had a text from the hostel saying the address but nevertheless have no idea where that is and I do not speak Dutch! Luckily for me an hour or so later my compadre JT - not Justin Timberlak gfy, but Jenna Toms (recently arrived from NZ to London!!!!), equally as cool of course - arrives, with the trusty Lonely Planet qwhich we would put to good use later but at this point in time it was packed in a padlocked suitcase, and directions with small map inset that she had printed for our hostel. So we climb aboard the tram that it tells us to and do not recognise any of the stops in relation to our hostel, Luckily some old lass hears us and tells us when to get off, however she does point us back in the wrong direction I think she thought we wabted to go to the Van Gough museum but honestly I dont think its open at 11pm!! So after waltzing back and fourth down a street really not trusting opur instincts we do the tourist thing and ask a passerbyer who finallly puts us on track! We arrive check in get our stuff to our room. I was getting my s***e out on the top bunk above jen, there seemed to be a few suitcases round but this bed appeared free, I ruffed it up a bit so no one would claim and we hit the bar for some Heinekens which is only fair as we are in Holland home of the Heineken beer! On return to the room, pj's on, we were the only ones in at this point and I climbed into bed, only to find a small white singlet, eeek I think someone had already claimed this bed so I tidied it up and high tailed it to the bunk adjacent and nestled in!!

27 August 2010

Well we were awoken in the morning by none other than a huge fart, Jen assures me it wasn't her, however I am still suspect! We had organised a 6 bedder dorm and we founf ourselves sharing it with 4 other blokes wahoooo!!! Breaky included, ensuite in room s***e, shower, change, feed and out the door to await the arrival of our other counterparts - Manny and Toods!! Toods and Manny werent staying at the same HQ so after they arrived and checked in they found us in the Van Gough museum. A tip travellers if visiting visit the diamond factory office down the road, with the huge clog outside and buy your ticket here to skip the hour long cue, we did and sailed through!!! 14 Euro for a ticket and we hungry opbservers of history and art stayed here for about 2 - 3 hours!! I must admit you have to be in the mood though as Toods and Manny started 40min later and fin at the same time.

Hunger pangs were talking so we hit up Liedersplien (?Spelling Jen???) square where we came accross a sports bar who fortunately for me were offering all you can eat ribs, aha, show me the way!!! Well the ribs were ginormous, they came out in a rack and prob had about 15 - 20 spare ribs on each one, the forst helping came out with two hole racks, plus chips and salad!! Well an hour later I had demo's those and the team and waiter urged me to order more, okay, I mean when in Amsterdam be like Nike and Just do it! So I did, honestly I think we eneded up in that restaurant for like 2.5 hours just watching me eat!! From here Manny swiftly directed us to the closest coffee shop, not your usual Ill have a latte and a piece of shortbread kinda place. For those of you not in the know a coffee shop is a shop that usually sells marajuana or you can roll your own joints and eat their space cakes, all legally. If you want the shortbread stick to cafes that are called cafes not coffee shops!! We decided that space cakes were on the agenda for today and ordered one each, after 40 minutes no effect so Toods and I ordered another one to share and Manny who said that he was just plain hungry wolfed down another whole one!

We engaged in a bit of banter and enjoyedthe goings on around us. After 30 minutes, 40 minutes and an hour we hadn't felt the effects of the cake we decided to head back above ground, off to our respective accommodations to get changed and then meet back at the train station to peruse the red light district. So plan in place Jen and I earlier spotting a sign at the sports cafe we dined at for lunch advertising 10 shots for €10 or 30 for €27.50 we whipped home, cleaned ourselves up and planned to stop off on the way to demo some shots. We thought, bizzarly that we would only need 15 minutes to do this, yeah good one 15 minutes, a shot each per minute. Looking back I think we thought they would be like shaker shots but no they were jager, oozo and apple sours. Anyway we got to the bar, ordered them, handed over the money and wham - space cakes sets in and then 30 shots in test tubes are sat in front of us, I mean what would you do in that situation - answer - LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF!!!! I mean what else can one do? Well they can attempt the feat of shots and text Manny and Toods requesting a later meet up. This is what we did but later I realised that there was no way we would meet them at the new time as I had dropped my phone earlier and the time was like 20mins behind. Hence we had to call in Manny and Toods or reinforcements!! Thank goodness they came, Toods helped and had about 6 shots to help us finish!! Phew. We had Italian for tea and then headed to the red light district to see it by night. Wow this is worth seeing! Next to naked ladies in doorways that they hire each night, no photos allowed in this area, I think I managed to get a photo of some swans in the canal in the red lights but that was it! One of the bouncers or door men was trying to attract customers to a sex show and said to us "hey ladies, you wanna see a big d*** for a change" we considered this and instead opted for home.

28 August 2010

No fart alarm clock this morning thank goodness (or Jen I am not sure which one), however we did have 7 people in our 6 bedder dorm, luckily it appeared that only snuggles had taken place! The weather was on off overcast drizzles so we decided we would try and dodge the rain and slip in a free canal tour today. All we had to do was put our names down and turn up at the time we had chosen. They rely on donations so it can be as cheap or as expensive as you want. We put pr names down at Boom Chicago bar and then had a coffee while waiting to head off at 12. Coffee down 12 rolled on and we rocked on over to begin our tour. The dude was very laxed and explained that his tour was very relaxed we would be able to drink anything and smoke anything on board and would be stopping at the shop t stock up on the way. As we were heading off I realised i had lost my camera dragon aka camera. I retraced my steps coffee place, bar back to the coffee place in a fluster where I was told it had been found and handed in phew! We climbed aboard the boat with a 6 pack of Heineken and some crisps. The boat was a small narrow boat dingy like which was great as it meant we could go under all of the bridges in all the canals time allowed as we could fit! It was pretty laxy, we saw one of the last 6 working windmills in Amsterdam, the small bridge, the shortest canal bridge, via the zoo and a whole lot of wicked as house boats on the canal. We decided to pay up €15 between us and thanked the driver before heading off to get a kebab on the run for lunch. After seeing the redlight district by night we decided it was imperative to check it out during daylight hours - well either that or Jen was just real keen to check out some naked ladies! Once again we got offers from door men, this time it was "girls, big willies, I can show you" very tempting but we had other things on our agenda - meeting up with Toods and Manny who had been at Anne Frank's house. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, it was raining, so once again we headed in doors to partake in some Amsterdam cultural activities, this time a doobie - and we were coaxed into purchasing a pre rolled joint of highest quality in the shop - because if your gonna do it, your gonna do it right! Manny decided he would flag and looked on as Toods, J dog and I sucked back. .. . a massive 1/3, hah we thought it was funny that we would probably be the only people who would visit Amsterdam and not get through a joint before flying home!! The rain let up a bit and we decided today would be sex day so we headed off to the sex museum. This was all a bit of a blur looking back on it, all we can remember is a lot of nudy pictures on an assortment of objects like pictures, plates, china, everything and a huge 8ft tall penis. Well this really worked up our appetite so it was home to get changed and then out for dinner. After that wee appetiser it was off to see what these sex shows were all about . . . and you might just have to see for yourselves! There were 8 'performances', highlights were smoking lisa and a male stripper. We managed to force ourselves to watch performances, some twice and then escaped for some more beverages. We headed back to Liedersplien square and got some more €1 shots! Toods and Manny headed bac to their love boat and Jen and I proceeded to get more drinks and hit up more pubs, one we shouldn't have come across was the bull dog, luckily Jen and I both agreed it was s***e and hit up another club. A few drinks later we decided we would head home. On the way out Jen was stopped and sime dude asked her something, I returned to hear Jen using her favourite line of the weekend, in being questioned 'do you speak English?' Jen would always shake her head, and tighten her lips hahaha, but this time I busted her cover! We got a ride home in a Tuk Tuk which was hilarious as the dude struggled to pedal us to our accommodation. We had a chat with the funniest night staff who we actually divulged information about our room and the extra guest to which he responded, by inviting us to his room hahaha oh dear!

29 August 2010

Once again we awoke with an extra member in our room, which proved to be a bit uncomfortable for all concerned when it came time for the actual occupant of the room to move out, haha that'll teach the dirty stop out! Once again it was raining so our plans of bike riding and playing on vondel park were put on hold. Instead we met up with Manny and Toods for their last day in Amsterdam for a day of food, drinks, and doobies (couldn't leave without finishing it).

30 August 2010

The sun finally decided to show its ugly mug so Jen and I headed off to the Heineken Brewery for a tour. It was only €15 which included the tour, and this took us about 2.5 hours and a couple of beers at the end and a half at half way! Really recommend the tour, you take yourself around, do it at your own pace, uses different types of media etc to inform people and you can participate at different stops around the tour! We stopped at a wee cafe to get out of the rain on our way to the magic mushroom. Here we were really well informed about truffles - a mushroom grown underground, therefore unlike magic mushrooms are still legal to consume in Amsterdam.After making our selection for 15g of angel dolphin - or a name to that effect, we headed to Vondel Park to consume them. They tasted like cucumber, initially but a few crunches more and it soon tasted like metal. A bottle of water helped to swig them down and then it was just a matter of time. I had to nip to the loo which was a bit difficult as we could not find any open in the park so we whipped into a pub to use theirs. We discovered the biggest couch ever that was more like bed so Jen parked herself up there and I went to the loo. I emerged to see a glazed eyed very happy Jen and knew it was time o get back the park to enjoy the effects of the truffles, an experience that must be enjoyed!! Jen even managed to walk on water. After 3 hours of sitting in the park being highly entertained, the night was creeping in and dinner was calling. Once again we referred to our best friend the lonely planet (Thanks Sampsonite) and went to a Mexican place for tea (also found in the boom Chicago magazine, a great read and well worth getting a copy - avail from boom Chicago in Liedersplien square). Here we decided to order a pitcher of strawberry margarita which was flipping delicious, even when at the end we learnt it was €35! We also had delicious tortilla's and complimentary nacho crisps with 3 salsa's. Ahhh what a way to end our Amsterdam experience!

31 August 2010

A lie in, I made it to breaky, Jen didn't so we stopped to get a coffee and breaky on the way to the train station and also snap a pic in front of the I Amsterdam sign after we had checked out. We stored our bags in the luggage lock up and headed to Anne Frank's whare. It was just a 30minute wait and a tour through the house. It was again worth a visit if you can fit it in and puts it into perspective how they lived and many others had to live/hide during the war, and what sacrifices others made during this time. We enjoyed a canal side lunch before heading back to catch our train to the airport - very accessible too - of course we walked back via the red light district for one last nosey! All was going well until I rocked up to passport control and they could not find a stamp to show when and where I had entered Europe - thats because there wasn't one! We never got a stamp when we got to Calais on the Ferry from Dover when we went on our roady through France totally for Bazza's 60th! Next thing you know I am asked to go through and wait in the customs control area, luckily J dog was allowed in too. A few questions were asked, they then requested documentation/tickets etc to show that I had travelled in through Calais, well I didn't have any of this. All I had was a reminder on my phone calendar which I flashed in the officers face, with a nice smile to boot. After making some phone calls the officer said that she didn't have much of a option but to let me go otherwise I would miss my flight and that she trusted that hat I was saying was true so I could go. She did say that if I hadn't seemed trustworthy or could not provide old tickets for te crossing I could have been banned from Europe for like 5 years!!! Phew luckily I have a smile that could melt butter hahaha!

Thanks Amsterdamage, I will be back again!!