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Dear Matt, Jodie and Queenie
Thank you for buying us tickets to go and see the Mighty Ducks play ice hockey. Unfortunately, due to being in a completely different country and time zone to where the Mighty Ducks are playing we have so far been unable to attend a game. We hope you don’t mind that we decided to spend the money on a night out at Coco Bongos, here in Mexico instead.
We were meant to fly back to America today but due mostly to us being quite lazy, enjoying the sunshine and the fact that a round of two mojitos, two Cuba Libres, a beer and a water costs about ten pounds here as opposed to America where it doesn’t quite cover a pint, we might have missed our flights a bit.
So Coco Bongos it is instead then. Coco Bongos is sort of a cross between a Vegas cabaret show and a nightclub. It advertised that it had over thirty individual shows a night. These ranged from a Michael Jackson impersonator to a Chicago rip off, to a Phantom of the Opera circus show that broke out into Meatloaf half way through and some weird gladiator thing where lots of people in underwear tied themselves up in ropes. There were lots of others as well but the complimentary alcohol all night has sort of meant that we cannot remember too many more of them. It is certainly one of the more interesting and unique night’s out we have had on our trip.
The comedy element of the night was brought about by a dwarf dressed up as the person from The Mask pretending to rape various men and women in the audience. It was as funny as it sounds.
In between each act was the nightclub part of the night where they played cheesy dance music, released thousands of bits of confetti into the air and invited attractive women to dance up on the podium. The confetti was very cool until you realised that it got in your drink a lot. The podium where the attractive women danced had a powerful air vent underneath it which meant that at some point in the girl’s dance a big wind would blow up their skirt exposing their underwear to the entire club. By the way, I never said this was the classiest night out we have been to. Despite this happening every time, the girls still seemed to be surprised when their pants were exposed to the world.
Because the night didn’t start until ten thirty and went on until four in the morning, it was considered a ‘late night’ for Donna and me who have both developed a thoroughly healthy regard for being in bed before midnight every night to get at least eight, but often ten, hours of sleep a night. Therefore preparation for a ‘late night’ now involves military planning and precision, such as doing nothing strenuous or energetic during the day (admittedly this isn’t hard because we don’t anyway), not drinking during the day (a lot harder), getting our haircut (this applied more to Donna than me), eating dinner early enough and considering what to eat like an athlete in training (no food for at least three hours before we are meant to start dancing and avoid stodgy food groups like Indians, Thais, burgers, steaks, creamy pastas etc.) and preloading on at least two cans of energy drink and a jaeger shot. Boom, we are then ready to go.
It may sound a bit over the top but it worked. I will have you know that it was at least two thirty before we called it a night, which is very late, especially when there is nowhere to sit down all night. I’m not saying that we were overly grateful for the taxi home but the 100% tip we gave the driver on being safely returned to our lovely apartment probably implies otherwise.
The one bit of preparation we forgot to do for our night out was to load up the fridge with nice hangover food, which meant that the next day I had to survive a very hung-over trip to Starbucks for breakfast. The good thing about Starbucks is that the whole place is designed around coffee. Now coffee should ideally be served at around ninety degrees centigrade because that avoids burning the beans. Tea on the other hand is best to be brewed at boiling point a full ten degrees hotter. I only mention this because if, while very hung-over, you accidently pour very hot tea over yourself it is best to get it from Starbucks, as it won’t leave a lasting scar.
All our love
Jim and Donna
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