I cannot believe I have Moobs!...and so now our holiday adventure begins. I mean, where the hell did they come from. I'm sure that I did not have moobs just a few weeks ago...of course now, I am on a 5 Star Luxury cruise ship, with seven restaurants, 24 hour room service and more food than I can fathom, let alone eat with portion control oriented toward the American appetite.

The good news is the ship also has a gym that makes my usual gym in Reigate look like a partially evolved and distant cousin.

So, back to the Moobs; the single most mind occupying aspect of my waking day...oh that and the 24 hour availability of burgers of all types and cheese cake!....and so perhaps you appreciate the conundrum I now face.

Actually I have to confess that Anni and I wandered around the ship for the 1st 24 hours ´wowing´at everything. The Insignia is described as Five Star Luxury. Well, all I can say is she is bloody beautiful. The service is incredible and the facilities and food options are second to none that I can imagine. So the downside?

Well as a 40 something, newly tattooed Kiwi with Moobs, I am pretty unique on this ship.......in two aspects only; both of which Anni shares) a) I am not called Chuck or Bob, from Florida or the USA (that alone distinguishes us from at least 75% of our fellow passengers); and b) In the 1960´s I was just a toddler learning to walk....not sending my kids off to college!Yep, it is definitely an older group of folk.

Out of some 680 odd passengers (and many of them really are eccentrically odd!) there is one 32 year old and then there are us and perhaps one other couple of our age. Average age would have to be in the mid 60´s.

So neither the tattoo and definitely the moobs do not make me unique on this cruise...although I am the only Kiwi other than one who works on crew. Many of the Americans are both fat and loud. In fact they seem to be picked from the worse of American excesses. Not all of them of course. Of course for the most part they are wealthy and retired and this is one of many cruise they have done. It seems we are part of a small band of 'cruise virgins' here.