monday 6th september
after saying our goodbyes to chip pattie and the family, and an apology from sword for making a rolling drunk scene of himself and getting the family plastered on gin and tonic, we swiftly hit the road for our next
destination-niagara falls.the first rest stop on the road involved a sneaky barbeque and a couple of even sneakier haircuts for spud and balf.razor shaving the old domes into "old
man haircuts", ensured that balf and mini balf would have unlimited p**** for the remainder of the trip.niagara falls was impressive but pretty hazy and hard to get a decent veiw from the amercian side.
a few of the boys ducked across the border into canada for a better look and to get some french fries and gravy, and top up the old dart supply from duty free.the rest of the group partook in a wee
wild cave walk which took us under some of the falls and gave us a veiw from the bottom.it also gave us the chance to wear some of the gayest attire iv seen on a group of young males.yellow ponchos and
homosexual roman sandals.we made the wise decision to hit the road that night and do a bit of night driving to get closer to our next appointment-a few bud lites with barry obama
in washington DC.after smashing off the worlds best buffet-ponderosa at 7 bucks a head and 15 percent group discount-big willy wilson decided to take the helm of big yellow christine.
wilburs driving skills only extend as far as the west coast and outback australia, and this was made obvious as he took off up the road on the wrong side.we let him away with that one
until he missed an exit on the interstate, stopped the bus and promptly reversed straight back up the interstate.living in luxury that night we found a walmart near pittsburgh, spread our s*** everywhere
and passed out. the weekends blog has still to be put up...
tuesday 7th september
waking up in style the next morning, we dicovered the wilson had spent 300 dollars on quality clothing at 2 in the morning from the 24 hopur walmart,including a t-shirt that said stick with jesus.
after ponderosa the previous evening, what better way to start the day than with a kfc all you can eat buffet.at the most outrageous price of 6.99, this was truly one of the
best experiences of the trip to date.a big day of driving was ahead of us, so we washed down the grease with a powerload of malboro golds, and hit the f***en road.the only stop before dc
was a swim/wash in a lake.12 smelly c*** with towels soap and shampoo trekked down someones private front lawn and nuded up for a swim.greg took things a step up when he decide to do poos in the lake
then steal some poor little skinners paddle boat.swiftly getting the f*** out of there, we headed into DC with enough bud lites to drown a small african nation.greg got carried away
and starting funnelling like a man possessed.before the sun was even looking llike going down, greg was onto his 3rd technicoloured yawn out the back window, to the amusement (not) of passing traffic
after a solid session in the back opf the bus, we managed to find a walmart to park our black asses for the night.out of all the walmarts in the DC area, we managed to find the dodgiest one
that had 24 hour police patrols, and monkey bars for the abundance of porcheys. some people elected to stay on the bus to ensure our stuff wasnt swiped by spooks, and the rest of us headed into
the city prey on females and suchlike.finding a student bar was a stroke of luck, loose behaviour was generally more accepted here, so a faair bit of piss got thrown around the joint.hutchy even
managed to find a buxom wee lass to play tonsil tennis with,and just when the end of his eleven month drought looked imminent, the lucky female pulled the pin. hutchy sword fisher and eddie got asked to
go in a car by some black fulle to the pub.. about 1 minute had passed and his lady friend who i might add was as hot as a pistol picked us up and all 4 of us crammed into this car.. here
we are cruising past the monument of d.c in a car at midnight... the sheiler got lost and beofre we new it we were about 9 mile out of the city.. ha sweet ride.. we eventually made it back and
re united with the lads.. a loose night had and what better way to finish it than wwalking through the drive through at mcdonalds for our 3rd lot of mcdonalds of the day and i also
might add that was with a kfc buffet earler for breakfast..
the morning was met with some screaming hangovers for some of the lads, but this was duly combatted with a series of 1 dollar double cheeseburgers dished out by the pedophilic but generous
ronald mcdonald.an exciting day was ahead, with plenty of s*** to look at and experience in the greatest country on earths capital city.12 sacks of s*** managed to stumble round washingtons
sweltering heat, and take in the lincoln memorial, the lake and spire from forrest gump, the capitol building, the smithsonian institute and of course barry obamas pad.the bender refused to
come out and have a funnel because wer white so we just waved politely at the snipers on the whitehouse roof and shot the gap.after much mature sightseeing, there was a fear amongst the boys
that the purpose of the trip was taking a wrong turn so weinvested in a s***load of bud lights and hit the trail to our destination for the night, shenandoah national park.arriving in the dark
was a shame as the park was in the intellectual words of the great adam mytton, picturesic.with the beer drinking slowing up, gus unscrewed a panel on the bus only to find a sneaky pre-rolled doobsky
ready to turn all 12 boys into a state of vegetation.
waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed, the boys were up for a wee hike through the blue ridge mountains, with the prospect of perhaps bumping into some black bears.some beautiful scenery
was witnessed, and some great photo opportunitys were snapped up, and the hike gave the boys a chance to stretch the old pins and work off a bit of condition.within an hour we had spotted our first
black bear and what better way to take a photo of it than to throw a rock at it (balf).after hutchy had tidied up the mess in his undies, the boys swiftly moved on and manged to spot some other wildlife-
another bear, a whitetail which andy nearly caught and skinned, some chipmunks, and a mysterious white bearded 80 year old man with 2 walking sticks.leaving the park, more sensationally
sexy scenery was encountered, and christine the bus had her first real test on some hills resulting in some casual overheating.a group korero resulted in the decision to park our slab in myrtle beach
north carolina for the night, so before too long it was beer oclock and the challenge to smash down 5 30 packs of budweiser before myrtle beach was set.balf decide to have a funnel whilst driving which made for a great video.after a previous quiet night, the boys got
carried away drinking in the back of the bus, much to the distress of poor hutchy and greg who volunteered to drive/navigate.it was too long into the session before everyone in the back
was in their birthday suits, climbing all over each other, and generally indulging in heterosexual activity.poor hutchy bore the brunt of the whirlwind storm that was this particular
drinking session-driving a 53 seater bus with 10 pissed mad dogs throwing beer cans at you cant be a walk in the park.never mind, eddy was decent enough to come and give hutchy a hand at the helm
and rip the steering wheel out of his hands, before nearly disapearing out the open doors at 62 miles an hour.andy decided that doing naked stage dives onto naked boys in the back from the seats
would be a good idea-it was, then it wasnt too long before balf passed out with spew all down his front and firetrucked himself.its great to be be involved in an environment that takes you back
to your childhood-one where its acceptable to vomit, piss yourself and be naked.arriving in mrtle beach late, most of the boys were up for going out, making a mess of themselvess and attract
the local constabulary.hutchy and sword decided it wwould be a fantastic idea to drink in public, and litter their cans 2 metrs from a rubbish bin in full view of the police.some silver
tongue action from sword ensured that the pig couldnt be f***ed with the paperwork, and the fellas were on their way.meanwhile the rest of the animals were blowing their trip budget in the
nearest strip club.wilson found a nice reliable russian stripper to marry, and after 120 dollars worth of lapdances, the big coaster told the russian he loved her.funnily enough she said
she loved him as well and the boys knew they were going to have a mission getting wilson on the bus tommorrow.
most of the boys woke up on the beach the next morning, balf was as popular as cancer, as nearly every mattress on the bus was wet.whilst waiting around for the matresses to dry out the bus
attracted yet another character.a homeless man wearing a "300 dollar outfit", waltzed onto the bus and egged on by sword, started chopping warm cans of bud.things took a tun for the worst when
sword convinced him to do some funnels.after demolishing 4 cans in 15 minutes the homeless man came out with a ripper of a quote,'if you dont do beer bongs, your a p**** .sword
received his 3rd death threat of the trip when the mans wife turned up and was gonna choke him if he encourged him to do one more.... he did one more.the next stage of the trip was to smash across south carolina and georgia into florida.making it
daytona beach late in the evening, we checked into the local walmart carpark, and a few of the boys ducked into a local bar only to find the place swarming with cops.evidently 20 miniutes
previously, there was some mad dark guy as back as spades running round with a backpack full of guns.god bless america.peer pressure dust was being sprinkled in large quantities by sword as a few of the boys
dispatched gin and tonics and conversed intelligently with the local yokels.gus and sword managed to get some poor b**** to give them a lift home (to the bus), and sword managed to scare a few
of the boys by screaming out the window of her car at the homeless kiwis under the bus. greg jumped onto preston and wokie him up aas he thoughht there was a
car screaming towards them with a guy screaming out the window with a gun... just sword after 10 gin and tonics...
the next day the boys were all geared up for the highlight of the trip-miami south beach!rocking up on the main drag we managed to check into a backpackers that suited us to a tee.a 12 bed dorm
with a garden to drink in and a personal bathroom to make a mess of.south beach was unreal, the boys had never seen anything like it, so we promptly tucked into a few jars.
andy and hutchy left to go and park the bus in a parking lot only to return to the hostel to meet the boys who had purchased beers beers and beers.. and 2 sweedish girls who was in a room beside us
we all finished up drinking there got slicked up and headed for some bars around midnight.. 1st stop was some irish bar which was pretty loose.. all sort of broke ionto gorups of 4 and started
mixing it with other patrons.. hutchy was on anothe rmission, sword somehow got up on stage with some other babe and started doing a strip show to a song only to be interupted by
bouncers about 1 minute into it.. we sort of split up and some went to a nother bar only to all meet up there again later, they had a beer pong table there too
andy and spud played against sword and the swedish girl and sword and her gave them an education.. sword then got invloved with a massive dance off with this mexican chick which
was a bit of a show... gus and rich decided to go all the way into the city in a cab.. went to some bar which they thought was a gay bar but then ended up going back home...
sword fisher and andy went down to the beach for a swim around 5 am and on the way home were approched by black prostitutes.. they thought it would be funny to just yarn to them which they did
for a while some other lady boy walked pastr and to there amazement this prostitute flashed her v jay jay at them to prove she was a female... weird..
sunday 12th september
taking advantage of the aircon room most the lads slept in till about lunch and then just headed to the beach to take a veiw of what they say one of the best beaches for
boob watching.. andy went back to collect the bus and move it was iot was only paid for untill 9am... not unusual for us but we were 2 hours late to collect it.. after the
officers issuing 2 fines on the big yellow rig the ******ers decided to tow it.. mongrels wreked the exhaust when getting it out and apprently put big marks into the con crete and andy was welcomed
at the parking place with a $700 fine... 70bux each later.. it was a pretty relaxing day for most though, untill some of the boys discoverd you can drink down on the beach.. wilson flew in from
visiting his aunty back up daytona way and we all headed to the beach for sunset and to polish a full chilly bin of beers..after demo-ing the chilly bin down the beach, we all headed back to
the backpackers room and starting trying to organise some beak food from a sound bloke called jake.chomping at the bit we all headed into town for a night of debauchery.heading to a sweet nightclub
down on the beach front, we bumped into some nice german fraus.sword and fisher walking home at 6 in the morning bumped into a nice big blonde girl coming out of the boys dorm.evidently she
was a hooker that preston had found and had kindly bought back for his mate harper.hutchy refused-muppet-and the poor behemoth b**** left with no money.balf and rich came back at 7 in the morning
after a sucessful night with the fraus and proceeded to wake the boys up for the days everglades/miami city tour.
monday 13th september
the boys were absolutely f***ed in the morning, the most sleep had by anyone was probably about 2 hours.a serious bout of columbian colds didnt help the hangover but a determined effort by
everyone ensured that we made it to our everglades tour by 9.a quick 45 minute bus ride down to the everglades, and we got to venture out on an airboat trip and perhaps catch a glimpse of some
gators.absolutely no sign of gators, but got to witness a few of them back at the gator farm with guide jose.back to miami for our bus tour round the city, and very little got taken in due to
the mammoth hangovers had by all.a quick stop in little havana and we got to watch a filthy wee cuban man roll up some big stogies.from there it was a boat tour round the miami harbour which was imporessive
looking at the rich and famous peoples mansions, including the mansion from the last scene from scarface, p-diddys sly stallones and shaq.back to south beach we had our christine back and
we hit the road for our next destination-orlando!
waking up in our exclusive digs in orlando-walmart carpark again, we had a big day planned hitting up the theme parks.the boys were fresh as daisys due to a random night off the piss, which
was just as well as the first roller coaster at universal studios was a doozy.few of the boys had never experienced a rollercoaster before and it was pretty hard to get the smile off wilsons face.
good times were had by all as 12 animals trekked around universal for the day, plenty of swearing was done by all, and was hardcase once the boys had all figured out where the cameras were
on all the rides.one mother and daughter were a tad upset when going to collect their photo only to find that there was also 12 boys in it all doing expletive hand signals.highlight of the day
was probably wwhen fisher andy preston and wilson blocked the log ride and the whole ride had to be shut down and evacuated.all in all it was a long and tiring day but that didnt deter the boys
from a night on the piss in orlando and the possibilty of some sexytime action.pulling into a caravan park for the night, due to the dire need of showers, the owner was extremely hesitant
to have us stay for some unknown reason.once the owner had untwisted his knickers, we tucked into a few beers and spud took one for the team and dropped off a team off maggots in town to
try their luck.it wasnt long before wilson and balf were kicked out of the first bar by a bouncer that looked like a pro wrestler.wilson and balf then proceeded to make messes of themselves
around town resulting in balf pulling out his party trick and urinating on the bar.meanwhile back at the initial bar, rich gus sword and hutchy were on whale watch, making the most of some
large ladies on the dancefloor, harpooning out of season.meeting back at the campsite at so,me ungodly hour, a wee willy west coast weed nightcap ensured the boys were going to sleep like babies.