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I want to write every little detail of what happened to me in Lorne, it really was a happy time for me. I know most of what happened will be boring to read, but it makes it no less magical to me. I'm also aware I will be boring you all for years to come about how "this one time in Lorne." I can't genuinely apologise for it, because I'm not in any way sorry. So in the interest of not being boring I'll do a career highlights package. Here goes.
I spent the time on my combined train and bus ride to Lorne regretting having gone out drinking the night before, but it was nessescary to celebrate my departure and my finding a job. As the bus on the final leg of the journey wound onto the Great Ocean Road, the water hoved into sight, and it was amazing. I've not travelled the Great Ocean Road, but on a sunny day the bits I've seen are magnificent.
The bus finally pulled into Lorne, I jumped off and grabbed my bags, finally here. I desperately needed the toilet and jumped in the first open cafe I saw, the toilet door was locked, I waited a couple of minutes...it didn't open. I couldn't wait any longer I carried on walking down the strip, eventually finding the public toilets next to the beach. Relieved I carried on walking down the strip trying to find Frangos & Frangos.
When I got to Frangos, it was obviously still closed up from the winter season (as many restaurants in Lorne do) I climbed over the barrier to get to the door and knocked. A tiny little man let me in and introduced himself as Euan, the head chef and went to get his partner Emily the restaurant manager. Emily came out and showed me the bar, gave me a little description of what the work would be like, made me a coffee and also introduced me to Myran, who I was told was Euan's apprentice.
Euan took me and my bags up to the staff house. Which was what had obviously been an old ladies house, down to the floral patterned furniture, smell of dust and the ten year old spices in the kitchen. It turned out me and Myran were sharing a room with bunk beds in it (I made a mental note to use a Stepbrothers joke when I saw him.) we went back down to the restaurant and I was told that Bernard, the general manager would be coming down that afternoon and would be dealing with opening the restaurant. Emily and Euan left and it was just me and Myran waiting for Bernard.
Bernard who I'd been expecting, from his telephone manner to be a 50/60 year old French gent, it turns out is a 30 year old black man from the Caribbean....I was slightly shocked. One of the most easy going managers I've ever worked for, but very good at his job and loved everything to be just so. I once saw him tell a waitress that her apron needed cleaning, but take the blame to himself, "it's not you it's me" style. Also to enter the story at this point, the two floor staff, Emily Wilkie and Andrew Philipp. On the first meeting everyone, barring Bernard, and myself, was quiet and reserved, caffeine, sleep depravation and my innate urge to show off taking over.
The first story that springs to mind is when me and Bernard full of energy and a desire for post work drinks were despairing because we couldn't go to Cuda bar as 'schoolies' was on (Schoolies is where all the high school graduates go away and spend a week getting pissed, think sixth formers going to Spain) and in Lorne they don't let older people in, because they have a problem where people go and try to take advantage of drunken teens. So there we were me and the boss despairing because we couldn't go drinking. Cue Miss Emily Wilkie, "nah they'll let you in, you work in the town, you're locals" well that sounded promising, her assurance and our thirst was all the motivation we needed, ten minutes later was possibly the most devastating experience of my life. We got to Cuda bar, our entry was a certainty, talking to the doorman a mere formality. Sadly this was not the case. I'm sorry guys, you're too old. Holy s***. My poor heart shattered. Illusions of youth torn away from me. Now an old man I plodded home. The next day at work I walked in and expected some trading of insults from Emily, as was the pattern of our friendship, but she restrained out of guilt, although when we spoke about it, she did basically burst into laughter. Sad sad times.
One Sunday when we'd all finished work for the day, me and Myran were back at the house and Bernard came in informed us he was going back home to Daylesford and left. This in itself wasn't unusual, he lives with his wife and son in Daylesford. Me and Myran had a beer or two and decided we should probably go out and get some food, we walked down into Lorne and along the strip, as we passed by the Maple Tree.....is that Bernard sat in the window......yes it is! Turns out he got as far as the Maple Tree and decided he couldn't face the drive home, beers with the boss it is! This led to my favourite discovery of my time in Lorne, James Squire's Hop Thief, an American style pale ale, that changed my life! That night finished, as did many in Lorne, in Cuda Bar, dancing and drinking.
Another night worth mentioning. Myran, Emily, Cameron (Emily's boyfriend) and I, went out, amongst other places we ended up in Cuda bar....obviously. Drunken dancing and stupid antics followed. The night culminated with the idea of a house party at Emily's, obviously with the guy heavy line up we needed some girls to come....cue the most aggressive wing woman ever seen. I've never seen a girl creep on another girl, but Emily managed it brilliantly "hey wanna come back to mine." So needless to say it ended just the four of us back at Emily's. I remember necking vodka straight from the bottle and drinking sparkling wine. Me and Myran were put in a twin bed room, I'm unsure who's it was, but I remember we found a bra and had what can only be described as a bra fight, two grown men, throwing a bra at each other like giddy schoolboys. Obviously we attracted attention and Emily came and told us off, always trying to ruin our fun.....she made me get into bed and tucked us both in, but you know when you're tucked in too tight and you can't move? I woke up in the morning restrained by the straight jacket that was the bed sheets, still drunk and with no idea where I was, I wrestled myself free to drink the glass of wine next to the bed and went looking for everyone else. The decision was made to go for breakfast, I grabbed a quick road beer, whilst everyone else nursed their hangovers and watched me drunkenly shamble through the morning. How I made it through that breakfast without one of them hitting me I don't know, I had far too much energy for someone who is hungover to endure.
At this point I need to introduce four more characters. A beautiful American couple, Chance and Alyssa, Chance was to become our breakfast chef and Alyssa worked at mine and Myran's favourite place to go for food 'Chopstix.' Two of the happiest, loveliest and most interesting people I have met on my travels. The other characters are the Caro sisters, Youna and Charlotte. Both French, Youna a badass waitress and Charlotte a kitchen hand. I'm not going to lie they added a certain amount of what can only be described as hostility to my working environment!
So there was a point when we got a new staff house, and the house was clean and empty, and had a lovely balcony and BBQ. Obviously a Sunday afternoon party was called for! A trip to the supermarket and a fair few dollars later, Myran was prepping and we had coerced Bernard, Chance, Charlotte and Youna into coming around for a BBQ. The event itself was typical, we had some beers, I made some mojitos which were rated between good and passable, depending whether or not the drinker was French and mean. The French sisters left and Bernard, Chance, Myran and I went to Cuda bar. Alyssa met us in the bar, I have very little memory of the night. I know it was fun. As the bar was closing, the manager of Cuda, proclaimed a beach party and lots of us piled down to the beach, with beers and bottles of liquor. This memory is still quite sketchy. I remember talking to some girls who thought I was faking my British accent. I remember there being a bonfire. I remember losing my iPhone in the back of someone's campervan and pestering him for about an hour to let me back in to go look for it.
The next day I had to be at work to wait for a plumber....I was hanging. I had to walk from the old house to the new house to get the keys, it was sunny and warm, which grated like sandpaper on my soul. I went to the garage and bought some water, my wallet was full of sand. When I bumped into Alyssa outside Chopstix, she enlightened me as to the cause of the amount of sand in and around my person. Seems a certain Myran Christie had pushed me over on the beach and kicked sand in my face.
The final night out worth mentioning is a Sunday afternoon drinking session with me and the Executive Chef Euan, that escalated badly. Finished work at lunch on Sunday, and told Euan I'd meet home for a drink, but had to go home first, I ended up having a nap and meeting him about 4/5pm after receiving a string of abusive text messages. After heading to a new place and having a beer we ended up in the Maple Tree, the whole afternoon was spent with Euan verbally abusing me whilst we shared a mutual appreciation of being drunk. The manager at the Maple Tree made me a bourbon Old Fashioned, which was a cocktail he promised would make me like whiskey, it has done nothing to change my opinion of the spirit, but it was very well made, perfectly balanced and lovely flavour. It ruined me. The night ended like many others.....in Cuda, but I was gone. I headed home early, knowing I was at work early tomorrow. Work was not pleasant, one of the worst hangovers I've ever had, my insides felt like they had dissolved, every part of my body hurt, I couldn't move quick enough, I had the full cold sweats and shivers and I couldn't eat or drink. At work the next day I could hardly move, I stumbled around like some weirdly animated cadaver, whilst my manager Emily was still drunk.
I have tried not to tell so much of Lorne, I have hundreds of stories, thousands of little memories, but I know it will be boring to read. Even as I read this short exert back to myself, I realise I have missed so much. A massive part being the presence of the two New Yorkers Danny and Joanna. A couple as brilliant as they are terrifying. They made me both want to go to New York even more and scared that I will be ripped to pieces if I do.
A story I must tell, because the memory makes me laugh out loud even now, is of Dan's initial impression of me. We sat on afternoon, me on my break at work and him supping a post work pint. With no pretence or sense of drama, he says "yo, for the longest time I wanted to hit you" a statement which could only solicit the response "erm, well thank you for not doing." It transpired that he had believed my humour and casual scathing sarcasm to be a desire of mine to antagonise him and evidence of my desire to fight him. He told me there was one day at work where he was actually going to hit me, but Jo fortunately calmed him down. I'm glad she did. I didn't realise I had come so close.
If Thailand was hot passionate love then Lorne is the love between brothers, deep, enduring and ever lasting, no matter how many times it gets you drunk and let's you make an idiot of yourself. It will ever hold a place in my heart.
I hope this is as interesting to read as it was for me to live. I have tried not to ramble, and tried even harder to make, what is on the surface the boring mundanity of routine, seem as fun and beautiful as it was for me to live.
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