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I arrived back in Antigua to prepare for the flight back home. I had forgotten how unreasonably beautiful it is here. Its been quite a trip through the jungles and the highlands of Guatemala. I have a few entries that I have written at different times in the last month or so and will include them all in the same post to save time. Nobody reads this but me anyways.....
In Acatenenango about week 3: (this means nothing to anyone but myself, but im including it for my purposes anyways)
the universe doesnt come with a guide book. you have to sort through the s***. Its not until you see the other side that you realize peoples motivations and reasons for doing what they do. What is this world gonna do whith itself? I am glad to be out here actively learning new things as the days pass. But some lessons are hard learned and some are even more uncomfortable. Sometimes I know what I do is unreasonable, but I still do it anyways because it feels good in the moment. I also dont think that is wrong, but I have more experience than some. maybe it is bad advice, but no responsabilities seems better for me. I would rather live in the moment than any other way, whit a mind for the future of course, but not hanging on it too much. But when these moments come along, the ones that dont come around very often, I prefer to see them through to the end. too bad this time. maybe its not the right thing to do. Ive been there before, what a bust.
In Acatenengo week 5:
f***ing guatemala has been pretty crazy so far. I wish i could tell you all the stories here, but I am afraid that they will have to remain just memories left to crumble away in the back of my mind as the years go by. Maybe one day they wont even exist anymore and they may as well have never happened. Its a sad thought to have but I am sure there have been many great things in the world that will never be remembered again.
It feels a little bit like I live here now and I cant wait to get away. After spending this much time in a place like this, I can go crazy. There is nothing here. Just a great view of the volcano erupting in the distance. f*** that. It is not even interesting anymore. I have come to despise everything about this town. How the residents exchange a freindly greeting as you pass in the streets. Why cant I just walk by in silence and ignore that I know who you are? I have to say good day every time? How on Tuesday and Sunday the pueblo fills will busses and the streets pulse with the activities of market day. I hate how you can only buy 2 types of beer here. I hate that the same 5 people play basketball at the park every afternoon. I hate that they play by s***ty rules. I hate that everything is so cheap here. It makes me realize how overpriced things are back home. I hate that the weather is perfect all day, every day. Eighty degrees and partly cloudy with a chance of rain gets old. Why cant it get cold here? I hate that there are no bars to go and relax in. I hate that people that drink here dont just have a few beers, they get f***ed up beyond recognition and shout innapropriate things as you walk by, or just pass out on the curb and wait for the next day to clean them up. I hate how men here work 10 hours a day in the campo for no money. I hate how the women only stay at home. I hate that the water and electricity dont always work. I hate my bed. I hate the people that I live with. But all of those things will become good memories and maybe even better stories with time. I fell in love here too. And I hate that the most. I hate love. Its not even real. I hate that I have to go back to Phoenix. I hate Phoenix. And I am tired again.
Traveling is weird that way. It is all too much to process at one time. I dont even realize the strangness of a place until months pass and I can only recount the events past. When you live somewhere, the strangeness of the place begins to seem normal. The strange mayan clothes that people wear, the trash tumbling down the street, the smell of piss on every corner, the bugs, the short people, the stares, the different pace of life, the poverty. So much for the afterglow. I leave here in one week to do some traveling on my own time and I dont even know if I want to anymore. I found what I was looking for from guatemala already right here in this s***ty town that isnt even on a map. All this time I have been exploring just to exist somewhere and feel how a place breathes. I enjoy the sights less than I enjoy the experience. This has been all experience, no sights. I am overloaded with experience. I think I understand a little bit of Guatemalan life after this trip and that is what I wanted in the first place...now what? The sights, I guess. And maybe some friends along the way. Maybe Ill let you know when I get there, maybe not. But it feels like I put at least one bug to rest, in some ways. I am not particularly enamored with guatemala so far. Its nice, but I have had better. Its beautiful, but Ive seen beautifuler. The people are friendly, but I have met nicer. I am a bit jaded I guess. Who would complain about this? Me. I miss my peace of mind and my guitar. I miss my dresser. I miss my vans. I miss my plain white tee shirts. I miss my anomimity. I miss the desire to travel at all times. I miss chipotle. Who wants to know? Have you ever climbed a thirteen thousand foot volcano in the tropics? I didnt think so. But I have...so what? Im gonna die one day too and just like my crumbled away memories, I may as well have never existed. See you all again soon, I hope. Maybe the next post will be less negative.
In Laguna Lachuá:
I woke up at 12 last night and was stubling around my room barefoot until i found the light switch. with light, i was startled to find a very large cockroack was occupying a spacee quite close to my hand. I wanted to get rid of him, but he was very fast. the quickest bug i have yet to discover. after about a minute of interacting with the cockroach, in my barfeet, i turned around to see a f***ing huge black scorpion scurring across my floor. I was able to entice him out the door, but of course didnt close it behind him and he made his way back in after a few minutes. I dont blame him, it was raining outside after all. I tried again to encourage hime to leave with my shoe, but he made a dash for the bed and disappeared underneath. oh well, i guess i have some roomates tonight.
In Barillas:
travel is funny sometimes. Its sunday today, and as such, not many busses run through the rural towns apparently. Regardless, after an early morning walk through the jungle from laguna lachuá, I made my way to the road and hitchhiked to Playa Grande. From there I was able to catch a microbus headed to barillas. However, I didnt get to the station at Barillas until about half two and acording to some guys hanging around the desserted market across the street, the last bus leaves at 2 on Sunday for San Mateo Axtatán. My ultimate destination. Lucky for me there is a glaring pink building at the end of the street that goes by the name ¨Hotel Arizona.¨ Seems fitting. I check in. After sharing a lunch of Pollo Asado with a local guy I met on the bus, I take a walk around town. Examine the available curios. I find that I am quite a novelty up here for a change. Not many tourists hang around Barillas, I guess, and i seem to be the first one in quite a while. Though the Lonely Planet doesnt speak to highly of this place, I find it quite charming. Set in a steep canyon surrounded by dense pine forrests, it reminds me a bit of Norway. Sheep graze the feilds that still linger around the center of town. A chill air skates gently down the mountainous ridges that surround. Looking up to the hillsides, rooftops, nestled quietly between the patches of forrest, peek down between the branches. This is kind of an illegal border town, i guess, and the wealth shows. A few tin shackes adorn the flooded dirt streets on the outskits of the village, but most buildings are made of brick and brightly colored. Beautiful young womend dressed in traditional huipiles stroll gracefully through the streets. On their way home from evening service, i assume. I envy them in a way, for their simple way of life. It seems so satisfying to many. I envy that feeling of satisfaction. for me, those moments are few and far between and are usually quickly and violently shattered with the mundaneness of reality. The sunday market is closing, but I take a walk around anyways, just to see what is left of the daily bustle. The vendors reluctantly pack up their goods and prepare for the journey back home. Is it a long one? A walk to some surrounding aldea? I wont ever know I guess. Next week will bring them back anyhow and the process will continue. For now, I will buy a few Gallos and enjoy them on the smokers patio that comes with my room overlooking the desserted bus station. Hopefully tomorrow it will be rejuvinated with the activity of a new week.
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